Halp have pied too much am on back patio send bourbon

9yo who slept until 9:30 on #Thanksgiving: you don’t appear to be doing anything. can you get me some milk? Me:

right now Twitter is a group of people trying to decide where to take the afterparty and we've agreed to either the east-side Denny's or the west-side Denny's, and all you hive folks are like "what if we went to iHop" even though it took 40 minutes to narrow it down to a Denny's

Our nominations for Best Microfiction!

Please join me this National Caregivers Month for my conversation with @KristinaSaccone, the creator of @one_wild_ride an important, creative, healing project that helps caregivers feel less alone. Thank you, Kristina, and all the caregivers out there. https://t.co/YqISunqscG

Every time I see people bemoan the loss of Google Reader — which admittedly was iconic — I’m like … has nobody ever heard of Feedly?

With the Red Wave beat, we’re going to give Republicans exactly what they deserve. And what they deserve is insulin. What they deserve is healthcare. You like liberty? Let’s see how you like housing, food and clean water as a human right. Get ready for what’s coming, assholes.

How do we convince Elon Musk to buy Ticketmaster

https://t.co/sOOg43EFKE

People aren’t going hungry because we cannot feed the poor. People are going hungry because we cannot satisfy the rich.

Bigger corporate profits account for *over half* of the higher prices people are paying.

Sorry what were you saying

I’ve always been drawn to passionate people who believed in the inherent worth of humanity, who fought for change, and devoted their lives to spreading happiness and compassion in hopes the world would become a brighter place. What I’m saying is all my friends are depressed now.

If I were Garfield’s school or workplace, I would simply serve lasagna on Mondays.

Thank you, President @JoeBiden for sending Florida the American Rescue Plan dollars that paid for this critical relief!

The smell of…

Yay yay yay! Happy to have had a (very small) part in the creation of this wonderful little letter.

I was on board for Hermine. What’s with this Ian bs all the sudden? No poetry in that name.

Whatever one thinks about immigration policy, this thuggery is evil, and if mainstream Republicans cannot disavow the tricking and kidnapping of humans then Republican voters of good conscience should park their vote with our side temporarily, or not vote. This is too much.

This is @GM's new Hummer EV. The car is terrible for both road safety and the environment. The Biden administration needs to regulate it, not praise it. A 🧵 explaining why