Jack Dee
@TheRealJackDee
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Following
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All views expressed are my own but you can express them too if you want to be right about everything like I am. If you want to chat go to the pub.
Joined June 2010
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I’m in the process of cancelling my PayPal account. Big Tech companies that feel they can bully people for questioning mainstream groupthink don’t deserve anyone’s business.
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Have taken Southern Rail’s advice and carried a bottle of water with me in the hot weather. Thanks for that nugget . I wish they’d take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards who’ve bought tickets from them. Just an idea.
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Sean was a great comedian. A real original and blisteringly funny. Awful news. My thoughts are for his family. RIP mate.
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Jeremy Hardy was ground-breakingly brilliant, off the register funny, compassionate and caring. So privileged to have counted him as a dear friend. My love goes out Katie and Betty and all his wonderful family. x
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The brilliant, delightful and ridiculously funny Robbie Coltrane has left us. What a fab actor and man he was. Love to his family. RIP Robbie.x
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Pleased that this has gained so much support. I believe that, together we have a powerful voice and I’m hopeful that PayPal will rethink their position and change. That would show integrity. Go on PayPal. It is my birthday 🥳
I’m in the process of cancelling my PayPal account. Big Tech companies that feel they can bully people for questioning mainstream groupthink don’t deserve anyone’s business.
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British comedy just lost its greatest curator and archivist. Thoughts are with Terry and all his family. RIP Baz. “There was this parrot……..”
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We get the last laugh because I happen to know the next Queen is going to be a guy.
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Good luck England. Still think we should respond to the Haka with a spot of Morris dancing.
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Very sad news about Steve Wright. I was lucky enough to go on his show many times. He was so generous and fun. A one-man best ever audience, he had that rare gift of making being interviewed fun. RIP friend. x
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Who are all these people who have more than five friends anyway?
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When you have someone to stay in your house and they repay you by switching the kettle AND toaster off at the mains it’s very hard to trust anyone ever again.
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RIP Paul O’Grady. A lovely man and a brilliant comedian. No one could follow Lilly x
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Half expecting to wake up this morning to the news that Brussels have placed a restraining order on Theresa May.
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Very sad to hear about Sean Hughes. Started on the circuit with him back in the day. RIP.
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Email: Hey,let’s stay in touch!
Me: No, let’s not. I bought printer cartridges from you 3 years ago. We aren’t friends. Move on. I have.
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It’s a good likeness although she hasn’t quite mastered your eyes. But to be fair, neither have you.
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Respect to Obama keeping a straight face all day after putting shrimps in the Oval Office curtain liners.
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Thanks for all your suggestions re my IT query. None of them worked. You’re all useless so fuck off now please.
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Been listening to this on the plane. It’s excellent.
Lovely review of my book THE NEW PURITANS in today’s Mail on Sunday!
You can buy it here:
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You’re not helping to save the planet by sending e-cards instead of the real thing because every time I receive one I go out and cut down a tree.
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Worked with Wogan on a panel show once. Young comedian does some vulgar material. Wogan: "I can see I'm going to have to lower my game." RIP
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Conservative Party members meet to discuss who next leader should be.
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RIP John Sessions. A delightful, funny, generous and hugely gifted man.
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Last night I dreamed a film crew from Newsnight dug steps in the side of Brexit and we all escaped.
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I know how Theresa May feels. I once tried to take a pair of trousers back to Debenhams to change them for a different colour but I hadn’t kept the receipt so it was a no-can-do scenario. The ketchup stain didn’t help but you get my drift.
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SEE ? I always knew Brexit would be worth all the trouble.
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Shattering news about Donald Trump. He had us all fooled and now we've got to accept that he is flawed after all. 😢
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I’ve lost several pounds and now my shorts are a lot more comfortable. To be precise it was 25 pounds And the extra large shorts are from M&S. I thank you.
Keen to finally understand how it is that I can weigh a certain amount then go to bed for eight hours during which time I haven’t eaten anything and in the morning weigh more.
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Hoping to beat my personal best with tomorrow's
#LondonMarathon
. 2hrs 13mins. After that I couldn't take any more and switched channels.
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What a true hero Andy Murray is playing tennis at that level whilst suffering chronic pain. If it had been me I’d have definitely been Off Games. Or at least “forgotten” my kit so I’d have to go to the library instead.
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Happy New Year everyone. Hope you enjoyed the fireworks I did at Westminster. Not easy running round with matches like that but I think it was worth it.
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Stuck on the motorway last night so have to say huge thanks to
@bbc5live
for brilliant commentary of the tennis. People usually think I’m being sarcastic when I say nice things but I’m not.
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Should be able to announce some Autumn live dates tomorrow. I’ll be coming to a theatre near you. So long as you live near one of the theatres that I’m doing.
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Saddened to discover that in Tellyland they don’t decorate the back of the tree. Like a hospital gown.
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RIP Jimmy Perry. Amazing contribution to British telly. Watched Dad's Army only yesterday. Still as funny as when I watched it as a kid.
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I was involved in a traffic accident yesterday. An ice cream van smashed into the back of my car. Now I've got whippy-lash.
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Spoiler Alert: if you've just started reading the Bible dont go to church at Easter because they give away the ending.
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Huge respect for these Mel and Sue.
Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc will step down as hosts of The Great British Bake Off, Channel 4 says
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Hey
@RomeshRanga
mate. Thanks so much for sending me a signed copy of your new book. I can’t wait to read it.
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I remember my parents waking me up 50 years ago to watch the moon-landing and thinking: something’s not right. This is rigged.
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Has anyone got a darkened room big enough for Britain to lie down in?
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Here’s Victoria Wood being brilliant on I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue:
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Tonight we celebrate 40 yrs of
@comedystoreuk
founded 1979 at a Soho night club . It was the advent of a new kind of entertainment . If that hadn’t happened I might still be a stripper.
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How weird that we're talking about building walls today.
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Have had to pull out of Edinburgh.Tried rewrite but my new show "100 Reasons I'm Glad Remain Won the Referendum" is unsalvageable. Goodbye.
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The new Apple earphones look like the old Apple earphones after a toddler has played with them.
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And another thing. If you’re going to wrap up chocolates and put them under the Christmas Tree, double check there’s no under-floor heating or all you’re really giving is a seeping box of cack.
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Well I never.
Gunhild Carling is a Swedish jazz musician and multi-instrumentalist rocking the🎶'Bagpipe Swing'
#bagpipe
#rocknroll
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Brilliant scene.
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Shiner in your pan.
Some of you may know that i had a serious gastric bug all week & was in bed for 4 days ........i have to share this with you........today I did a solid 🙌🥳!!
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Wait. There's a catch. I know you have to be born in the USA to be president. But what if your hair wasn't?
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Very well put piece: Why it's hypocritical of the Fringe to cancel comedian Jerry Sadowitz
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I had some dry cleaning delivered to my house but in fact it was for next door so I know how the producers of La La Land are feeling ☹️
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These are in my dressing room in Chorley and I’m scared of them.
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Lovely little hotel in the Highlands. This is the minibar.
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Ironic that Prince Philip didn’t do a car-crash interview.
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Hope the lockdown for over 50’s doesn’t happen as quite a few of my mates will be affected by that 🤞🏼
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Hate when people don’t tweet for ages and then just use it as a platform to promote their stuff.
Thanks For Nothing
Thanks For Nothing eBook : Dee, Jack: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store
www.amazon.co.uk
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I met up with Ed Gamble and James Acaster to do their podcast. They've only gone and put it out.
🦆 EPISODE 126 OUT NOW 🦆
with JACK DEE!
Listen, review, subscribe:
🍽 Apple:
🍽 Acast:
🍽 Spotify:
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Brilliantly put.
Here's something I never wanted to write, an obituary for dear Jeremy Hardy
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Poached eggs are for cowards.
I don’t do this as often as I used to which for many reasons including not dying too early is all to the good but I am performing again every night for a week and thus: The Embankment Kitchen, Manchester.
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If only it was on telly so we could all watch. Oh well, let us know how it goes.
Hey guys, bit of weird one - I’ve entered myself into a dancing competition that starts tomorrow. I know, what am I liiiiiike. Anyway, wish me luck. Also, anyone got any clean underwear I could borrow? 🕺🦁
#teamdreamcurls
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Ok, l admit it. I feel foolish for panic buying Marmite this morning. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do.
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So shocked to hear about Rik Mayall. A wonderfully funny icon of British comedy.
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My money was on Quatar.
TASS
2026 Winter Olympics to be held in Milan-Cortina d'Ampezzo:
© EPA-EFE/LAURENT GILLIERON
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Nice that none of the players bit each other at Wimbledon.
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If you live in London and are wondering where your nearest Amazon depot is, it’s my hallway.
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Congrats to Emmanuel Macron. Deserved plaudits from world leaders and 2 gold stars and a red biro smiley face from his wife.
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I feel privileged to have known and worked with the great Victoria Wood. Unique and truly brilliant.
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Right. Time to put the sprouts on. Happy Christmas everyone.
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My BBQ and a garden chair were blown over last night. Am starting a support group. Details to follow.
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The remarkable Henry Fraser at work.
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Do you really need a survey to understand that all we want is affordable trains that run on time ?
We're transforming rail services in 2018.
The next phase in the consultation is now live, have a look at the weekend and overnight journeys and tell us what you think.
👉
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Clapham wins prize for choosing best time of the year to drain a communal paddling pool.
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