i hit over 500 headlines for reductress, so here is a self-indulgent thread of some of my favorites :).

men who use magnum condoms will leave that wrapper on ur bedside table like it’s a goddamn origami swan.

frantically clearing my calculator app like i’m deleting porn search history bc i’ve just entered 4x20.

sitting next to my dog ignoring him while i look at pictures of him on my phone.

“you shouldn’t eat in bed.” okay. i’ll blindly follow restrictive orders instead of luxuriating in the sanctity of self-made quotidian pleasures 🙄.

RT @ThatKevinSmith: I’ve been mocked for the way I dress for decades now, so this @GQMagazine piece by @damienkronfeld was an unexpected an….

RT @chris_cohen_: "His irreverent, juvenile sartorial sensibility has, improbably, crossed over to swaths of young transmascs in creative f….

RT @getembedded: Today's My Internet is a real comedian: @damienkronfeld!. Damien believes the painted nails emoji is both the signified an….

RT @criterionchannl: With our Masc collection—a decades-spanning 19-film celebration of films spotlighting trans men, butch lesbians, and g….

i actually like when google maps is like “in 500 feet keep going straight” bc i’m like okay. now That’s something i can do.

there should be Make a Wish for ppl who aren’t dying but just want something really bad.

sometimes i’ll see that someone was a lawyer before they became a writer and be like “oh wow, i still have so much time” even tho what they were doing w their time was going to law school/practicing law and what i’m doing is sort of nothing.

RT @AmmahStarr: Please return her back to her family, TODAY. We are praying for the Jacksons.

the person who always views ur instagram story first doesn’t have a crush on you, they have a debilitating addiction to their phone.

just thought about the fact that most of my friends are asleep right now and picturing them all sleeping is so cute.

i LOVE this guy 🙄!!! he’s rolling his eyes. that’s so me.

so hard when ppl ask for recommendations of things to do in new york bc i only go to dunkin and urgent care, and i don’t need any more ppl blowing up those spots.

trader joe’s lube when.

can’t help but feel that the doctor who just injected gonorrhea antibiotics Directly into my “good boy” ass tattoo was having a bit of fun on the clock.

RT @judysquirrels: treatment is going well but I really need some more help ♥️.

RT @liliandaisies: a reminder that angelina told brad pitt that harvey weinstein assaulted her, and brad went on to support him and work wi….