This is my greatest honor. Saw so many great World Inferno shows back in the day. Hope to see you at Hallowmas 2020.

If you are stuck at home for the weekend or the next three months, check out this excerpt from my new book that was published in the New Yorker this week. You can pre-order the book now so it arrives in the middle of the lockdown. Also works as kindling! https://t.co/WUXRcrl5vz

Pre-order here: https://t.co/n2P7hj7mVG

Hi Twitter. I spent the last 3 years writing a book and it’s coming out April 14. It’s called “A Very Punchable Face” based on the fact that several of my friends have told me, “You have a very punchable face.” (People on Twitter have said much worse.) https://t.co/DN9iFUdrP2

Always fun watching ⁦@AaronRodgers12⁩ dismantle my favorite football team. And he plays piano! ⁦@IZOD⁩

Good luck today ⁦@AaronRodgers12⁩ I sent this to the Cowboys defensive line for inspiration. ⁦@IZOD⁩

Tomorrow night back home in Staten Island to raise money for our local museum. A few tickets left here: https://t.co/UntF1XcNAm Thanks to @melissavcomedy steezus_castillo @bqquinn…

Wanted to wish @AaronRodgers12 good luck on his first day of school today. @IZOD (You know it’s an authentic behind-the-scenes video because there’s a ladder and a light in the background.)

Proud to work with @SolarResponders They solarize firehouses in Puerto Rico so 1st responders can save lives even when the power fails. Any donations help. https://t.co/dPxvA3NriZ @ricardorossello @directrelief @dicapriofdn @mariamenounos @Lin_Manuel @HispanicFed @tesla @fema

Hey @BraunStrowman I've consulted with my attorneys and they said that "Get These Hands" could be construed as a threat. I assured them that you're a non-violent person. A "gentle giant," if you will. So let's work this out like gentlemen. Do you play chess perchance? @WWE

Heading to Clusterfest but hoping to make it more of a Fyre Fest Use promo code "Ja Rule" to get a free message that says "Promo code not valid"

Hey @BraunStrowman not to make a big fuss, but that was a rental and I didn’t pay for insurance. Maybe I can send you my Venmo info and you can reimburse me? PS are you watching The Bachelor? Crazy! See you soon amigo! #GetTheseFriends

Thank you for all your hard work! @TeamRubicon has already rebuilt 300 homes in Puerto Rico and they’re fixing 20 more every week. Go to https://t.co/WPGwxXBJ3c and help them rebuild in the Carolinas after Hurricane Florence. It’s a great organization.

Did an @IZOD shoot and @AaronRodgers12 showed up and stole the show. Do I run on his football field and throw his footballs everywhere? Not after that one time! #JostvsRodgers #WhosTaller #HardToSay

Doing some last minute shows in SAN FRAN, MONTEREY and NAPA next week if you’re anywhere nearby @ California

This has zero to to with politics, but the way she said “steak”…

It's gonna be so exciting to see a witch hunt catch an actual witch!

Kenny!

There is no better day to bring this weekend update clip back into circulation. #SNL @ColinJost

Whoa! But for real?? https://t.co/PXMEvW1Zp2