*mouth bleeding from chips* “Excuse me? Yes, can we get more chips?”

Why do I basically need to use a PTO day to open up a new pair of socks? There’s no need for this much packaging.

“The chips are hand-tossed!” …did…did you break my chips? It sounds like you broke my chips.

Twenty One Pilots absolutely crushed their Game Awards performance.

What an insanely talented performance! 👏 @tylerrjoseph

if all health insurance CEOs live in fear of being murdered maybe premiums will come down

https://t.co/H9vyklCTzU

~90 days back in the gym

Growing up, Homelander dreamed of working at his local Vought A Burger. Recently, his wish came true, as Vought shut down a restaurant and staged pre-selected customers, so Homelander could “serve” “people” “food.” Thanks, Homelander, for showing everyone how you’re a true man of

VIOLIN. CORE.

when ppl ask if I have any hobbies

https://t.co/5TMSna3V2r

the vegetables in my freezer watching me grab pizza rolls again

https://t.co/IBQBcowYoE

If it’s not out of whack, is it in-whack? Just whack is also bad 🧐

https://t.co/CKOEpvO3Gw

It never ends.

https://t.co/AnwxI9R2RS

Enjoy the Phillies game, let’s work in a commercial about a curved erection though. Seems like the right time to bring awareness to that.

Meet Matvei Michkov. 🔸 Will he win the Calder Trophy this season? 👇 The regular season begins in North American on October 8th! #NHLFaceOff