Luis Vercetti
@97Vercetti
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Pinned Tweet
me after i accidentally reach for the blunt when they was just ashing it
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bro: hey bro the Halloween party is cancelled
me already dressed:
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i got pulled over & my vape was in my cup holder & the cop was like “u know the news saying those things are killing people”
i laughed a lil bit & said “they say the same thing about yall lol”
he ain’t laugh
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*police takes my mugshot*
my insecure ass: let me see
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no cop has ever told me “be safe” .. my weed man say it every time i leave his place .. says a lot about society
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white girls be smoking 4 packs of cigarettes a day talking bout some astrology this & astrology that .. bitch u worrying about the wrong cancer
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i bought my friend 4 pregnancy tests .. they all came out positive & now she crying .. she gon ask me “how tf am i going to afford to feed 4 kids”
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when u was already in the shower but ur stomach hurting
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me in public listening to other peoples conversations which is obviously none of my business:
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Y'all think Migos sleep in the same bed like the powerpuff girls?
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i be like “i cant wait for fall fits” then fall comes & i dress like this
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Covid 19 woulda been over if we let these guys handle it
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This employee at Target just did me SO DIRTY!
I asked her where the bread was, she said, “follow me.”
She took me about three aisles over and pointed to an empty shelf and said “that’s where it used to be”
LMFAOOOOO I couldn’t help but laugh
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When I say im going swimming, this what I be talking about 😂
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when u make an excuse not to go out & they come up with a solution
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me looking at the supermarket camera after eating a grape
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i hate humans bro .. i shouldve been a rug or some shit
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“hAvEnT hAd a ShOwEr SiNcE LaSt DeCaDe” bitch stfu i aint been happy since 2012
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plz stop asking me “wyd” bitch i am bored in a house & im in a house bored
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imagine tickling ur girl & she start giggling like seth rogen
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“what time did u go to bed last night??”
me: early, why??
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ya sex is cool & all but have u ever found a small door in ur house that leads to a parallel universe & ur new parents have buttons as eyes & they make u lots of food but then ur fake mom gets skinny & kidnaps ur real parents & then u have to save them with the help of a cat
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i went to burger king on my lunch break & the cashier turned my drink upside down & spilled it everywhere & she said “oh fuck my bad i used to work at dairy queen“ & im still laughing about it lmao
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My mom used to be like "outside ain't going nowhere" now look at outside. Gone
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guys joining the military is the male equivalent of “fuck this shit im gonna be a stripper”
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bitches be going to college to major in psychology just to get manipulated by a guy
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people who post less on social media be thinking that they have a master degree in maturity
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told my girl im tired of her & this bitch bought me an energy drink
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wow so u got pregnant while watching Disney+ .. well .. good luck charlie
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“i did a thing”
a girl who either dyed her hair again or fucked her ex again or both
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u in her likes .. im in her therapists notes .. we are not the same
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when it was supposed to be a good time but u started puking
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well well well if it isnt lil miss “im never drinking again” drinking again
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Today is not an ordinary day, today is McLovin's birthday
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people really be like “i have such a dark sense of humor” & then just be racist
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red flags deadass be screaming in my fucking face & my dumbass be like “well maybe they orange idk”
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“Take a shot it taste like juice”
Me after finding out it taste nothing like juice:
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these McDonalds adult happy meals are getting out of hand 🤔
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i get relationship flashbacks like i was in the fucking war or something
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my girl staring at me when I ask her what she wanna eat
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are u the ghetto? bc u make my heart go ratatataaa <3
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when she says “oops hit a curb” but u heard a human scream
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i remember when i was like 15-16 always chilling with people 19 years or older but now that im older i couldnt even imagine chilling with some kids lmfaoooo like wtf were y’all doing????
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i hate when girls act like they too good for some mcdonalds talking bout some “i actually care what goes inside of my body” like bitch ive seen ur exes dont be lying like that
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Halloween is over love .. u can stop ghosting me now ahahaa
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my wedding cake gonna be a edible and im not warning anybody
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peter parker selling spider man pictures was basically his premium snapchat
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i hope u never have to share ur favorite songs with the wrong person ever again
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u ever stuttered so damn much u just decided to shut the fuck up
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weed man hit u back 4 hours later like “YoU sTiLL NeEd dAt” .. bro tbh go to jail plz
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lowkey glad cars were invented .. imagine waking up yo horse at 3am to get some pussy
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the tongs preventing me from opening the kitchen drawer I need..
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hot girl summer is over it's time for sad sluts in sweaters
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why are y’all so obsessed with helping a man grow .. go grow a plant sis
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me as a drug dealer
*giggling*
“we dont have coke is pepsi okay”
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my family: u about to go to work???
me in my work clothes:
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does ur mom know u crying over drug dealers & dudes with three outfits
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i’m gonna be honest with y’all ..... i am NOT feeling fly like a g6
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girls be looking cute af & get in the car playing YNW Melly, Roddy Rich, Keyglock, & DaBaby back to back .. okay then damn .. we was bout to go out for some dinner but shit wasup we can spin the block & hit some licks
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hickeys are childish .. slit my throat if u a real freak
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“Cant wait for summer so i can wear nice fits”
the fits:
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