Canadia
@canadaslady2
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2,282
Media
813
Statuses
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Pinned Tweet
If you ever have any trouble on here with anyone you tell them to come see me in my office.
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People don’t say exactamundo often enough anymore and I’m about to rectify that.
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Do you ever wonder who you would be now if that one thing had just never happened?
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Do men with massive trucks and loud exhausts not realize that when we hear them we immediately assume they have the tiniest of penises?
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Oh shit I almost forgot.
Happy Tuesday 😘
Yes that’s a dog hair, shut up.
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Ladies stop worrying about your grey roots. Just crop your photos. Follow me for more life hacks.
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Everyone is just tweeting their own inner monologues here right?
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Ever have a stream of luck so bad you feel embarrassed to tell others how life is going?
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Have any of us women posted our legs in the bath on here before?
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You don’t like when your kid calls you by your first name? Mine sometimes call me ‘female parent’.
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C’mere let me suck your soul out of your penis so you feel better.
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I’m not proud of what I just watched on Pornhub but at least I’m tired now.
~ a memoir
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Gotta remember to take my vibrator out of my glove box today before I get my car serviced.
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So anal is the key to the universe?
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If you aren’t a dog I’m really sorry but I’ve forgotten your name.
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I wonder how many trail cams have caught me peeing in the woods.
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Women only get to be horny from like 37-47 let us enjoy this.
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If you need to worship something today please let it be my ass.
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You always look the cutest you have all night the moment you go to take off your make up.
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@ask_aubry
I notice at no point does he offer to pick up the balls. Just says his son cries and his wife is in pain doing it but never says I’ll do it when I come home every night.
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It’s cold! 🥶Post a time you were warm 🥵(I did this yesterday already but let’s see what I got)
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Who is going to like my tweets now there’s been a bot purge?
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Settle a debate for me: if I throw my kids an ‘80’s birthday party shouldn’t there be smoking cigarettes in ashtrays all around the house to really capture the vibe?
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Just trying to make the dads taking their kids to Saturday sports have a better day.
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Stabbed myself in the face with a fork trying to eat a salad so follow me for more tips on how to human poorly.
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I once spent money on a dildo that I’ve never been able to fit inside me so don’t tell me about your problems.
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I just want to spend all my time naked with your hands on my body, don’t make it weird.
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Sometimes the furthest you can look ahead and survive is the next 5 minutes. So if you’re struggling, just plan that next 5 minutes. You can do that. I believe in you.
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Is there a medication I can take that will cure being poor?
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If you don’t want people to make fun of your small penis try not posting it on the internet.
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I would post more sexy pics here but tbh the ones I take are actually just too sexy for the timeline.
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I have no excuse. Just wanted to post a selfie. And do that without shame that I wanted to do it. So hey.
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Without getting too sappy can I just say thank you to everyone for following back my new account. I wouldn’t have restarted by choice but seeing y’all follow back even though you’re well aware I’m a train wreck now is making me feel good inside 💜
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Drop a pic from your favourites folder…
Drop a pic from your favourites folder
(My hair on a good day, when I don’t straighten it)
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I got knocked down twice yesterday. But you know what else happened? I got back up twice.
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Waking up in a tent hits different. Mostly bc my air mattress deflated & there’s a stick in my ass.
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You know why this place is so valuable? Because I can come here & scream I AM NOT FUCKING OKAY to millions of people & then I can go back to my life & pretend everything is A fucking OKAY & all is as it should be. But now I feel heard.
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Happy International Women’s Day! Share a pic when you were like YUP I’m HER.
(Belated)
Happy International Women’s Day! Share a pic when you were like YUP I’m HER.
(I have hospital white coat pics too where I feel like more of a badass, but this’ll do)
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When you know you were in the wrong do you apologize or ignore it and hope it gets forgotten or do you do a secret third thing?
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While you cleanse my chakras can you also cleanse my camel toe?
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I never tweet about being Canadian because I don’t want to brag because that wouldn’t be nice & Canadian of me.
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@GodCloseMyEyes
@MainstreamViews
‘I haven’t thought about how much they like it’. Oh dear boy. May you one day see the error of your ways. We like it. When the man is actually good at it.
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When her butt dials you it’s because it wants to do butt stuff.
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‘Sex kitten’ I whisper to myself as I put my night guard in and settle onto my heating pad to sleep.
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Maybe men should ask why no one sees a need to invent a robot husband.
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I talk a lot of shit for a girl who would definitely throw up if you came on her face.
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If someone else cleans your car for you, you go down on them. I don’t make the rules.
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Y’all make fun but us elder ‘millennials’ still learned to ride our bikes on gravel without elbow or knee pads so don’t count us out yet.
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I’m going to the first church service of my life in 10 minutes. Got any tips?
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