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Last Seen Profiles
i work at mcdonalds and i give every burger a small kiss before i send it out
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podcast called "too many guys" and its just 12 guys trying to talk at the same time
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the right sandwich eaten at the right time can show you the light of God
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hey twitter, voice of reason here. I just ordered $60 worth of McDonalds
The McDonalds in Marana AZ got rid of human cashiers — your only option is the self-serve kiosk. Giant step backwards for our society. Takes like 20minutes to order $57 of food (a quarter pounder, burger not meal, is $6.50 in Joe Biden’s economy!). Bring back the humans
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I loved parasite-- what I didn't like was the poor people's attitude.
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women love telling you to wash your water bottle. It gets clean every time I fill it babe.
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american kids are like i wanna go to I78 for my birthday. i wanna go northbound on 275
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i didnt “watch” sonic the hedgehog 2, i sat my white ass down and listened.
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misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
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this is a fantastic reduction of American hussle and grind because it requires a trust-fund amount of disposable income and 40 hours a week of free time to tweet about it. meanwhile the only one creating anything is a 16 year old Chinese kid with PCB poisoning
A friend of mine is buying generic water bottles on Alibaba for $1.98 and selling em on Etsy for $14.99.
Made 509 sales…
-Assume ~$5ea for shipping
-Net around ~$7ea after Etsy fees
That’s over $3500 profit.
Lemme show you how to turn this hustle into a brand:
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the CIA has infiltrated my family and installed a US backed cousin
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I am officially leaving Spotify due to their immoral business practices. Thinking about going to Apple music or Amazon, any thoughts?
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using my adult brain I can see she's living out of an RV so probably lucky to have food for those kids at all. Get a fucking grip
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Am I allowed to be annoyed by this or am I going to get cancelled by anime guys again
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coming up with a restaurant where you're at "war" with the other tables
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work is unnatural. Man's true purpose is to chill on his phone
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@coolp1np
Thank you man. I actually told my grocer what you said and he's giving me free food for life
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one time in undergrad I was texting my boss and pumping gas and this old guy came up to me like 'young man...Is what youre doing, that important?' I said yea I'm texting my boss. he said don't go through life with your head down. I said ok. lesson is to appreciate the gas station
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this spot is always reserved for good ol boys who know how to smoke a brisket
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People aren't afraid to cross the picket line in part because very few people are educated on labor. it's not even a debate we have. Insane to look at the state of labor in this country and expect scabbing to carry some huge stigma
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one of the best things you can do for your mental health is to just admit that missionary rocks. It's like top 3
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taking my 5'4 friend to the dog park and letting them run around
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This is like in oblivion when a crowd is chasing you but they all have the same voice actor
Professional Fishermen Caught Cheating at Lake Erie Walleye Tournament
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hey i wouldn't normally ask this. But would you tuck me in snug as a bug?
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he knew to stay completely still so the bullies wouldn't see him
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Coffee rocks. Here's a cheap drink that tastes great and warms you up. theres even a drug in it that makes you do all your chores. you can have as much as you want 24 hours a day. Oh and yeah, its made by slaves
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my landlord doesnt know im building a secret world in my apartment
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hey man it's been a while, howve you been? What kind of bed time are you rocking now adays.
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(calling you back 5 minutes after we say goodnight) hey i think you forgot to tell me to sleep tight
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Frodo and sam just ran out onto the highway in front of my Subaru. im so sorry
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we need to get this man laid
Idea:
Whenever Marvel films come out on digital or dvd, there should be a way to watch a version of the movie that has an audience reaction to it. The same way sitcoms have sound bites. Imagine replicating that opening night experience at the comfort of your home.
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Austin Powers: (realizing there is a hell and it's the toil of everyday life) wait a tick
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I love my job. I wish Americans understood why they have the most accommodating service industry on the planet
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i love my Tesla. So far the only downside was the time it caught fire in the middle of I95. the entire electrical system shut down, and the locks would not disengage. I escaped and Automated Customer Service quickly contacted me via text (15 mins). My son, unfortunately,
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asking my wife if she can talk to my friend's wife so he can stay over
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best feeling is when you get home after a long day and take your condom off.
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hibachi grills would be a lot better if there were a 'bad guy' to get mad at
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a lot of people earnestly going like "nah dude this is fucked up. 15 minutes tops". are you fucking kidding me
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(matthew mcConaughey leaning in close) Im going nuts. Im going apeshit, brother
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(Gordon Ramsay at mcDonald's) ill have the big Mac combo meal, medium size, coke to drink, and darling how are the oreo McFlurrys? Fabulous I'll take one of those as well,
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everyones dogging on me for doing this in the middle of a pandemic. but ive been doing it for years
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Anyone who's been here can tell you the "classical downtown" is just a shell city. It's like a movie set. No one there, nothing to do but drive from one parking garage to another. chain restaurants dominate the most beautiful strip malls you've ever seen. Dubai of the midwest
Carmel, IN has had the same Republican mayor for 27 years: James Brainard
Under his reign, the population has quadrupled, he replaced all the stoplights with roundabouts, and built a classical downtown out of stone and brick
Cue the cope from NYcels and SF hostages
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i can already replay memories by simply thinking about them. its not hard. Next
Elon Musk’s brain-machine interface company Neuralink is currently looking for their clinical trial director to start testing brain chip on humans.
“You will be able to save and replay memories. You could potentially download them into a new body or into a robot body.”
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my dentist became very angry when he found out I had cavities. His whole demeanor became cold; he stopped calling me by my first name
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this spot reserved for good old boys who know how to smoke a brisket.
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@afraidofwasps
( trying to be respectful after seeing all the freaks) wow dude id love to kiss you both at the same time
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