Ben Dreyfuss
@bendreyfuss
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subscribe to my substack CALM DOWN. It's about politics and stuff.
Joined December 2008
The only remotely political message of Gladiator II is that emperors are bad and wealthy plutocrats who whisper in their ear are even worse…oh wait I see what he’s mad about
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Haha this is such a funny example of someone who is way too online and internet poisoned talking to someone who is, well, not.
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It’s very serious business obviously but I do think it’s very funny imaging how they all felt when they saw the “Jeffrey Goldberg has left the chat” notification.
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This video is funniest if you assume that everyone in the video also, like me, has no idea what “holding space” means.
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The funniest outcome would be if we all go to bed tomorrow night with no winner declared and when we wake up it’s June 28th, the day after the Biden-Trump debate, and we’re all trapped in a 4 month long time loop for the rest of eternity.
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In 2013, I forced myself to go to Benihana alone as a test of my own self-confidence. It was the most awkward hour. I then forced myself to do it a few more times. Eventually it stopped being uncomfortable for me and is now just uncomfortable for the families I get seated with.
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When California had the drought a decade ago I asked during a Mother Jones editorial meeting where the water had gone and everyone laughed at me and said “everyone knows where it went” and I said “I don’t know where the water went but I know that it didn’t disappear so it went.
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I haven’t worn a mask in years but I truly hate these people who have a problem with *other people* wearing masks! . She isn’t hurting anyone! She has her own unique medical situation and risk tolerance! Shut the fuck up about her wearing masks at some random event.
Washington Post reporter Taylor Lorenz dances wearing a medical MASK at the Pornhub Awards. The controversial reporter wore a total of 2 masks while attending the ceremony. She has double masked for 4 years despite the pandemic being long over.
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republican 1: I’m going to take down the speaker!. speaker: no you’re not, bitch. republicans 2-8: yes we are. dems: do you want to talk about how we could save you. speaker: no you fucking commie slut idiot. *LATER THAT DAY*. conservatives: how dare the democrats do this.
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Yeah because communists are famously very open to letting people set their own work schedules.
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I don’t want to be at the vanguard of the movement or anything but I’ve noticed the word “retard” creeping back into usage as a synonym for “idiot” after 15 years in ableism exile, and I support it. It’s an enjoyable word to say. Has a nice sound to it.
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Derek is a super nice person and this entire exchange is a good example of why it’s better to not bother even being nice to people who randomly scream at you on the internet.
When this author thought she invented hanging out
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“In my first hundred days in office I will destroy 2/3rds of the nation’s wealth”.
Ramaswamy Says He’d Run the Government Like Elon Musk Runs Twitter: ‘A Good Example Of What I Want To Do’.
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I cannot believe how many tweets I have read tonight that are like “how dare the country place tiny explosives in the pagers that the terror group bought so its members could avoid detection”.
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Tim Pool apparently doesn’t understand how property taxes work.
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everyone is like "TAYLOR SWIFT?". But it's going to be something way worse than that. It will be like three former cast members of the West Wing reading the Bill of Rights or something.
Being told there is a “DNC Surprise” guest that will blow people away this evening.
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So many tweets on this website are people describing the almost unimaginable level of comfort and prosperity enjoyed in this country and then being like “but it sucks” haha
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One thing I’m learning from reading this report is that apparently it doesn’t take much money to be a sugar daddy? Lol. Like I sort of assumed these relationships involved quite a lot of money but all the Venmos here are for $400 and stuff.
BREAKING:. The House Ethics Committee report on Matt Gaetz is OUT. Read it here:
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Obama didn’t do anything to raise racial tensions. It was 100% the fault of Scared Whites who went insane because he was Black.
@bendreyfuss And yet racial tensions started ramping up when his Administration and wife kept talking about them.
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There is this baby sobbing hysterically in the row behind me on this flight and everyone around us is glaring at the mom but, like, it’s not her fault. What’s she supposed to do? Chloroform it? Put some AirPods in, dipshit, and get over it.
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Look, you don’t understand, ok, it’s not what it sounds like, It’s not SLAVERY slavery. Not like SERIOUS SLAVERY. It’s “slavery” slavery. Young, fun, modern. A sort of “toss-your-hair-back slavery.” Kind, humane, agency respecting slavery.
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This is legitimately how I felt when I read the book. My mom was dating John Belushi when he died and she is the only person on earth to have seen the video he made the night he died. Woodward was really bad to her bc she wouldn’t turn over the tape.
Bill Murray on @JoeRogan podcast: "So when I read 'Wired' by whatshisname, Bob Woodward, about John Belushi, I read like five pages of 'Wired' & I went, 'Oh my God, they framed Nixon.' . If he did this to Belushi, what he did to Nixon is probably soiled for me too." Interesting!
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If you’re reveling in the fact that some random dude you had never heard of until a few hours ago was gunned down in cold blood simply because you don’t like the industry he worked, I think you should spend some time away from the internet and go on a hiking trip or something.
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MAGA influencers spent 4 years posting grocery receipts complaining about the price of raw milk and it took them less than 3 months of Trump’s presidency to be like “shut the fuck up about how things cost more! So you can’t buy a car? So what? Maybe you should walk more, porky!”.
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All. Of. Those. Countries. Are. Poorer. Than. We. Are.
If tariffs are a terrible idea and no sane politician would use them, why do 90% of America's "partner" nations use tariffs against America? I'm really trying to understand why an economic tool that's been used by other countries for a long time, is suddenly bad. 🫤.
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I think dems should move to the right by embracing crazy insane ideas like “maybe it’s ok to call the police if a homeless person punches you in the face” and “maybe you don’t need to start every pta meeting with a land acknowledgment”.
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Nothing makes me more toxically patriotic than the John Oliver show because after even five second of watching it I am like “maybe you should go back to fucking England than, asshole!”.
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Wow never expected Hannity to run such fawning segments about Joe Biden and how he’s a good and empathetic father
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Unlike the conflict between Jews and Palestinians, which has a clear end point just over the horizon
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I’m just glad we killed that fucking squirrel while we had the chance.
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Jesus, I knew Britain was poor but I didn’t realize they were “40k pounds is a high salary you shouldn’t bother striving for” poor
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The actual audio of this—as someone who has struggled with drugs and mental health issues and received calls like this from my family—just sort of almost made me cry
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Which led to the longest mother jones edit note in history
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So some girl lost a swimming meet to a trans swimmer. Who cares? Kill yourself.
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The funniest bad scene in movie history is the end of Cruel Intentions when the principle of the boarding school takes the crucifix off Sarah Michelle Gellar’s wrist, unscrews it, and discovers her hidden stash of cocaine, all while the song Bitter Sweet Symphony plays
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This is sort of a hilarious example of how social media allows teenagers to hijack and pollute our political discourse with their predictably stupid ideas
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I can’t believe in only three days everyone will have to instantly go from being a polling expert to an election law expert.
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I used to have a friend who was a pot head in high school and one day his parents did that thing where people came in the middle of the night and took him to rehab camp in the woods for months. And it was successful! He really got into the 12 step community and became one of.
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if your first reaction to seeing the story of the Titanic tourist submarine that went missing is to focus on the fact that they could afford a $250k excursion and then tweet about how they deserve to die, you should touch grass but that grass should be in a mental institution.
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Look I don’t like trump either, but it is simply absurd to not grapple with the fact that an unpopular man was elected, spent his presidency unpopular, left office with an unpopular act, and then democrats so fucked everything up that he was elected again more popular than ever.
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My most normie belief, which is shared by approximately zero people on this website, is that Trump is personally responsible for so much of the political dysfunction in this country that the political climate will indeed get meaningfully better the second he retires.
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The line of weirdos waiting for their one minute of sex with this chick is a funny premise for a one act play.
A porn star will attempt to have sex with 1000 men in one day — and it’s sparking health concerns from doctors
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@naomirwolf I’m not supposed to say anything but my buddy Hank actually does contract work for the dnc and it’s his job make phones freeze, cursors wander, and WiFi disconnect for anyone who endorses Trump.
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My brother went through a phase where he tried to save all the crazy homeless people in NYC and one night a decade ago we were walking and saw a crazy homeless get kicked out of a McDonald’s and Harry insisted on trying to save him while I rolled my eyes and after like 30 minutes
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No one on the America left would ever actually move to China because the one thing they care about most of all is being able to whine about how they’re victims of oppression and that’s the main thing that you aren’t allowed to do in China.
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I just spent a zillion hours arguing with trans leftists who were calling me a monster and eventually they were like “there is housing discrimination because some women won’t have roommates who aren’t female at birth” and that is the one that finally got me to tap out. No shit.
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I hate John Oliver and this segment is a perfect example of why. He’s essentially blaming democrats for not being smart enough to say the exact same basic liberal talking points that they have in fact been saying for a decade that America clearly doesn’t agree with.
John Oliver, in arguing how the Dems should respond to the trans kids issue, falsely claims “there is no evidence” trans kids “pose any threat” to fairness in sports. There absolutely is evidence that trans females have a competitive advantage.
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I can’t believe in a little over one week half this country will be sent to concentration camps—and we don’t even know which half.
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Congrats to the Navy SEAL. We will deliver the boys to your sex dungeon in the morning.
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What does a ceasefire even mean? Just, like, Hamas gets away with it? lol.
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The hoax of going outside the Twitter building with boxes and pretending to be employees who have been fired is very mean because obviously reporters were going to fall for it but it is very funny and genius.
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I do not understand how economists don’t drink themselves to death. I am not smart. I have never studied this. I have only gleaned things through passing curiosity over the years. And every day I read stuff that makes me think “this dude doesn’t understand how economics work”.
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Like many other Jews, I do not like the way the Israeli government treats Palestinians, but like 98% of people of all religions I am angry & horrified by Hamas and I’m profoundly annoyed & frustrated by the small number of very loud voices on the American Left defending them.
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I guess I just think it’s actually sort of cool that the dumb eggheads found the water? Everyone just wanted to hark on about how it was bc of climate change but I just don’t care about that really? Sure fine climate change is bad. But the fact they found the water is impressive.
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@Tyler_A_Harper I went to NYU. This is false. The median NYU student’s parents were co-producers of LA Law who sold their own show to NBC in 1993 but had it cancelled midseason. They are worth no more than $6M (value of home in Sherman Oaks included).
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People from SF who have been totally habituated to car break-ins are constantly like “it’s no big deal, just don’t leave anything in your car,” but, like, what? Being able to leave things in your car is a key benefit of having a car.
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I retweeted this because I thought it was a funny joke but then I discovered the person was serious and had to un-retweet it, in shame.
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The funniest part of this “please leave my bastard child alone” thing is at the bottom where it includes her publicist’s contact information.
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When did Tito’s vodka become so popular? I feel like it was during the 2010s at some point because there was a time when it wasn’t the standard “not bad” vodka in every bar in America but then one day it did become that.
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I am not a fancy intellectual but when I watched 9/11 happen my first thought was “bad. This is bad.” And my second thought was “very sad situation.” And my third thought was “kill all the terrorists.”. And 23 years later it’s basically still how I feel.
Ta-Nahesi Coates writing on 9/11: ''Everyone knew someone who knew someone who was missing. But looking out upon the ruins of America, my heart was cold. I would never consider any American citizen pure. I kept thinking about how southern Manhattan had always been Ground Zero
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I am not a coding genius who understands how the apps work but why is twitter so unable to stop this specific form of bot spam? Like, they’re all writing the exact same thing. Can’t they just have this specific text trigger some red flag for bot behavior or something?
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To think, Palestine would finally be free right now if only she’d followed the instructions correctly and filled in the oval.
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I took this photo at a gas station in Wyoming in 2005.
@bendreyfuss For a few months after the attack, we would get updates on this chart like it was a weather forecast.
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If Hezbollah had used a pager to detonate a pressure cooker bomb at a yogurt shop in Tel Aviv, all these morons would be like “get it, girl!”.
Um. Can someone explain to me how causing hundreds of pagers to explode, regardless of where the people were at the time, and thus endangering the lives of thousands of civilians, is not a terrorist attack?.
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I think trans activists can sometimes walk into an anti-trans trap where they escalate this issue (which is obviously justifiably important to them) to huge importance for the country, but the median voter is this guy.
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I mean “a gajillion chickens” would in fact make eggs cheaper.
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The reporters had a little hissy fit about this and the beat editor who is lovely and I was friends with was deputized to politely inquire about what my “the draught is over” story was
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“Do you know what NYU is doing?”.“About what?”.“About Israel. Why are we protesting here?”.“I wish I was more educated”. This whole exchange is just perfect. No notes.
Young anti-Israel students tell a journalist exactly why they are protesting . It’s all clear now…
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Obviously most homeless people are not like this but some are! And you really shouldn’t be like “if I just treat them kindly, they’ll stop being schizophrenic”.
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This is a story about the LAFD sending surplus boots to Ukraine three years ago. It’s frowned upon to pay people for interviews in US journalism but I will make an exception for any LA fireman who claims they tried to put out the fire, but couldn’t because they had no boots.
LA county sent their surplus firefighting equipment to Ukraine.
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“I’m in queer media and I want you to know that a lot of the quagolsurrusess are flippityflabbing to dlangoumopo when they see your movie”. *eyes dart side to side nervously*. “For real? I mean, I’d always hoped that would happen”.
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this election is far from over but I think we can safely say that “Biden should drop out because Kamala will have a better chance of winning” was obviously right and everyone who said he shouldn’t was obviously wrong.
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Everything wrong with partisan political lunatic twitter in one helpful tweet
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It’s been a minute since I paid attention to this particular discourse but aren’t we supposed to want DST to be permanent?.
BREAKING: Trump just announced plans to END Daylight Savings time.
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The stupidest people on earth are on this website. “$700 isn’t enough! Rabble rabble rabble!”. Obviously $700 is the maximum amount FEMA is allowed to disperse without getting extraordinary approval from congress, you syphilitic dipshits. Fucking google it.
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I would like to announce that I am getting married (pending Kiera Knightley’s approval).
Commerce Secretary Lutnick says one trade deal is done, but waiting on approval from unnamed country's leaders
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It’s very funny that the left has talked themselves into arguing that Islamic countries are welcoming to gay people.
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“they’re starving their low income students”.“This dining hall is open”.“Yeah but I don’t even like that one”
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DNC: “if only we could get people to stop talking about Gaza”
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Love 2 ruin a 7 year old’s birthday party by being awkwardly assigned to sit next to him at teppanyaki.
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This thread is so stupid lol. Apparently this kid is guilty of…flirting with women on Snapchat but not actually marrying them?.
🚨 Harry Sisson convinced 11 different women that 'he had no roster' and 'respected them for more than their bodies' while persuading them to send explicit photos of themselves through Snapchat, including one from a domestic abuse survivor. When the women discovered each other
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pretty sure we were actually one of the good guys in WW2.
Once the narrative that the U.S. was actually one of the good guys in WWI/WWII, last great lie, finally crumbles, the world can finally start to move forward with genuine solutions because it’ll mean they’ve finally diagnosed the real problem.
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“Oh goddammit”. Like was there a discussion about trying to “get ahead of it”? Was someone like “maybe we should call him and see if there’s a deal to be made here”.
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Seems like one of the many good reasons Hamas shouldn’t have attacked Israel and, more broadly, why all Palestinians and the entire Islamic world should just accept Israel’s existence and move on to the part where they can all coexist peacefully.
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One upside to all of this is that it’s nice to see more and more people acknowledge that capitalism is good and the American neoliberal world order has been a blessing and that the “populists” on the left and right are unserious clowns who shouldn’t be allowed to govern.
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Biden just showed that he doesn’t need to resign the presidency. He did not show that he should continue running for reelection.
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@ArmandDoma Ok but…vice president has no duties and she has a jet. She might as well fly out there and do his hugely popular podcast.
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One of the saddest bits about being “cancelled” is you lose friends. I was upset for a long time at Mother Jones for them destroying my income & career blah blah blah , but 18 months on the thing that stings the most is that my closest friends for a decade still won’t speak to me.
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Like I can think of no funnier context than it being some accidental misstatement that the actress then “yes and”s because she thinks she’s supposed to understand.
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One day I’m going to go with a laptop and ask people to “keep it down” because “I’m trying to get some work done”.
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The human tragedy that is unfolding in Gaza is Hamas’s fault.
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Love to reject the premise of hypothetical questions I’ve asked myself
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