Bryan Bishop
@BaldBryan
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NY Times Bestselling author of "Shrinkage." Co-host of "The Bryan & Gina Show," the official podcast of @LAMag . Co-host of @TheFilmVault . Bald.
Joined April 2009
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Leaving R. Lee Ermey off the In Memoriam segment is an embarrassing moment in an already-bad
#Oscars
. He was one of the most iconic and recognizable actors of the last 3 decades. Toy Story, Full Metal Jacket, Seven. This is rock bottom,
@TheAcademy
. Shameful.
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Update: Bryan’s out of surgery and all went smoothly. He’s already giving the nurses some pain-med induced snark, so clearly they didn’t remove his frontal lobe. THANK YOU to everyone for your support and well wishes.
After 14 long years,
@baldbryan
is able to have brain surgery
@CedarsSinai
to biopsy his tumor so we can FINALLY find out what we’re dealing with. If you have a few extra mins in your day to send us positive vibes, we’ll gratefully take ‘em. He’s in surgery right now. ❤️🙏🧠
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Anyone who’s had cancer - or any major illness - knows the feeling of getting a shockingly-high (and unexpected) medical bill after the fact. This is a positive step to fix a flawed element of the medical system.
Americans have a right to know the price of services before they go to the doctor. Today, President
@realDonaldTrump
finalized a rule requiring hospitals to make information about the cost of care available to patients up front.
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12 years ago today, I was told I had as little as six months to live. I guess the doctor didn’t know I specialize in shitting on people’s points. (sniff)
....anyway, enjoy this picture of Tessa celebrating her self-styled outfit of the day.
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Ten years ago today, we received the most devastating news of our young lives. Ten years later, this is our life today. It was all worth it.
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@barstoolsports
@Starting9
Perhaps a good tweak to this rule may include:
No clock in the 9th inning
And/or
No clock in tied or one-run games
The excruciating drama of the chess match in late/close games is the best part of baseball. We want the pitchers to work fast in the 4th inning, not the 9th.
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...and just like that, our hearts melted forever.
Tessa Elizabeth Bishop
Born 9-20-16
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Finished round 1 of the new meds. Feeling pretty good, all things considered. Side effects are calming down. Starting round 2 in a week. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I see them all and I appreciate them.
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UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who checked in on us and wished us well over the last two tumultuous months. I finished two rounds of my new medication on August 1 and yesterday we went to get the results of my latest…
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Bruce Willis never got his due as an actor. Zero Oscar noms. Maybe it was the action movies, the 80s/90s flops, the TV career, the music career; but he was legitimately great in 12 Monkeys, Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Pulp Fiction, Looper, Sin City and of course Die Hard.
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Today is the 11-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I wouldn’t be here today to celebrate without the support of family, friends, coworkers, medical professionals and everyone who supported us on this journey. We appreciate you all. cc
@pardonmycrumbs
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@ThomasJTobin1
I'll be honest: At first, I wasn't too sure about the message behind this tweet, but I guess if anyone knows about being "especially harmful to children," it's a Catholic Bishop.
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13 years ago today a doctor told me &
@pardonmycrumbs
that I had “six months to a year.” Thankfully we decided to ignore him.
#LoveToAll
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Plus numerous other roles in huge movies. R. Lee deserved better. Certainly better than some bald dummy paying tribute for 30 people on twitter. Here's to you, Gunny. Hoo-rah.
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Thanks, everyone, for checking in and sending well-wishes. Too fatigued to reply to them all, but very much appreciated. Love to you all!
Thank you all for asking for
@baldbryan
updates. He got home yesterday & is doing really well. He’s tired & keeps feeling things moving around in his head (I’m too tired to be clever so add your own joke here). Otherwise, very minor discomfort. Results to come.❤️🧠
#braintumor
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Taking
#NormMacdonald
's death pretty hard today. Everyone is entitled to their own choices when battling cancer, but please don't suffer silently. Your loved ones want to support you. Let them.
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As long as I live, I’ll never understand how, during a global pandemic, wearing a mask inside a public space (grocery/hardware store/airport/etc) became controversial, let alone political, let alone a violation of one’s civil rights, let alone a referendum on one’s manliness.
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For everyone who is
#WorkFromHome
, self-quarantining and
#SocialDistancing
during the
#coronavirus
, I’ve compiled a list of good/great movies & documentaries streaming on
@netflix
,
@HBO
,
@PrimeVideo
&
@hulu
. Ones marked with a “*” are among my personal 5-star all-time favorites.
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Finished my 2nd round of meds yesterday. One of the MANY difficulties of the meds: Breakfast had to be light (<300 calories) & low-fat (so the meds could absorb). Made it impossible to put on weight. 1st post-meds breakfast: cheesy eggs & sour cream (Heavy cream in eggs & coffee)
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My problems seem pretty insignificant compared to what’s going on in the world these days, but....
Back in January, my neuro-oncologist saw a “shadow” on my MRI that concerned him. Proactively, he put me on a low…
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...which is actually much worse. R. Lee Ermey was iconic and instantly recognizable to even the most casual movie-watcher. His debut role in Full Metal Jacket is film legend. He was a significant part of the most beloved animated film series of all time (Toy Story)...
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I have cancer and I have no hair. Make all the jokes you want.
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As a longtime reader of LA Magazine, this really is a dream come true:
.
@GinaGrad
and
@BaldBryan
built up a devoted following as the co-stars of Adam Carolla’s popular podcast. This week, they’re debuting a brand new show about life in Los Angeles (
@lamagpodcast
)
🔗:
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Exactly 14 years ago, it was the worst day of our lives. All these years later, the days keep getting better and better. Happy to have you all in our lives.
#cancerversary
#happycancerversary
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HOW THE HELL DID WEINSTEIN GET A CORONAVIRUS TEST?!
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Day 19 of 21 on this round of meds. My peeling thumb looks like a Tim Burton character.
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Felt awesome being back at the
@AdamCarollaShow
today. Great seeing the whole crew again. Bonus appearance by
#LifeSaver
@pardonmycrumbs
. Drops in a few hours.
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"This is the first Oscar win for Kobe Bryant" is the funniest line of the night.
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Stay alive?
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That's a fucking fantastic joke
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Made the mistake of clicking on the trending topic
#AlecBaldwin
. There are some pretty fucking gross tweets being posted - not just by everyday anonymous loons, but by verified accounts. A woman died. I don’t care if you dislike Baldwin. Have some decency, you soulless ghouls.
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Maroon 5 is playing the Super Bowl halftime show. Usually the NFL chooses a musical act to attract people who don't like or care about football. Apparently this year they're choosing an act for people who don't like or care about music.
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THANK YOU
@JOKOY
for letting me “open” for you at your SOLD-OUT show at the
@BreaImprov
. The crowd was amazing. It was my first time doing stand up, and you took a real chance on me not sucking. Hope I made you proud. Thanks for the opportunity, pal.
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Today is the 9-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis and the biggest problem in my life at the…
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Our much-needed, long-awaited week off. Couldn’t have come at a better time. Taking my annual week-long sabbatical from social media. See you all in a week - rested, relaxed and renewed.
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Thanks, and thanks everyone for the well wishes. I see them all and I really appreciate it. Hopefully this is the worst of it and I'll be back on the
@AdamCarollaShow
soon!
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Eh. C- effort. I always retweet clever or funny insults. Yours is neither. It’s desperately thirsty. Kind of like you after waddling from your couch to the kitchen, you fat fuck.
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A lot of people here have speculated that it was Ermey's politics that got him snubbed. I disagree. Burt Reynolds was a pretty notable friend of Trump and even voted for him. And he was in there. Sadly, I think it was a reflection of how the Academy viewed Ermey as an actor...
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You quit listening because of me?? I talk approximately 4.5% of the time on the show. My god, how is it that the people who love to call people “snowflakes” are the biggest snowflakes of all? Sounds like someone needs a safe space...
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Celebrating
@chrislaxamana
’s wedding the only way I know how: With a perfectly tied Windsor knot that
@paulfeig
would be proud of.
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Pro tip! When getting a medical scan, wear two gowns - one backwards (with the opening in the back) and one forward (with the opening in the front). No accidental ass-crack or crotch exposure and much warmer (they keep it chilly in those exam rooms!).
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New rule: If you’re going to use “Orwellian” or “1984,” you need to have read “1984.”
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Sweet Caroline is the fucking worst and anyone who likes it is my enemy.
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Fuck it. Drink your best champagne/wine/booze/etc tonight. You earned it. The worst year of our lifetimes is behind us. Celebrate a better year with the best you’ve got. Cheers, everyone.
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As discussed on Jan 4th's
@AdamCarollaShow
:
For my 2022 New Year's Resolution, my goal is to try to pick a different charity to donate and bring awareness to every day this year. It may be hard, but I hope you'll follow along, retweet and maybe even pitch in where you can.
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Austin Powers ad. Sopranos ad. The halftime show. Thanks, NFL.
Signed, Class of '96
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Serious question for
@MayorOfLA
: Nine people, including one of LA’s most beloved figures, are dead because LA’s oppressive traffic is so bad. Do you think maybe, 7 years into your tenure as LA’s mayor, it’s time to take action?
#TrafficKilledKobe
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So much to be
#Thankful
for today, but nothing more than my amazing wife and family. Thanks to
@pardonmycrumbs
for bringing me back to the land of the living (again) and forcing me to go to the ER last week. Had she not, this may have been my last
#Thanksgiving
. ILU.
#gratitude
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It’s an honor & a privilege to be named the Keynote Speaker at the American Brain Tumor Association’s annual conference. Thanks to
@the_abta
for this incredible opportunity to share my story & inspire others going through a similar experience. The Conference is FREE this Sept!
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We did
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I hate that “vanilla” has become synonymous with bland/boring. Actual vanilla is fucking delicious.
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.
@joerogan
is a comedian. He deliberately says provocative things to get a reaction. The world needs more Joe Rogans. Everyone lighten the fuck up.
Bernie Sanders is facing a backlash from some Democrats after his campaign trumpeted an endorsement from comedian Joe Rogan, a popular podcast and YouTube talk show host with a history of making racist, homophobic and transphobic comments
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Remember when we all laughed at the outrageous claims of North Korea about their supreme leader? How he shot 11 holes-in-one the first time he golfed?
Congratulations, assholes. We are now that country too.
#239lbs
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Me: “Daddy’s going to read you a book tonight.”
Tessa: “Mommy’s the better book reader.”
Me: “Well, did you know that daddy wrote a book?”
Tessa: “That’s not that awesome.”
#FuturePointShitter
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I HAVE A FULL HEAD OF THICK HAIR!
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Rich man/Poor man: Raising the minimum wage greatly impacts your life.
@adamcarolla
@AdamCarollaShow
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This has got to be
@adamcarolla
’s brilliant sting idea
#RaiderNation
, grab your swimsuits! The first-ever
@Raiders
Fan Cruise is setting sail from Los Angeles.
DETAILS:
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@RMos_8Ball
Hey Raheem, big fan. Fantasy football is a huge, $7+ billion industry. The NFL would be much less popular without it, and you and every player would thus be much less rich without it.
#RealLife
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If any publicists have an unflattering story about their celebrity client they need to release, now is the time.
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Such an incredible honor to work with
@TheVFoundation
to spread the word about the importance of
#research
in the cancer world. They do great work, and
@pardonmycrumbs
and I are glad to be a part of it!
Cancer research has changed the game, again! After 14 years of waiting, the Bishop family has hope for
@BaldBryan
’s battle because of cancer research. Click the link to learn more about his story.
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Got a lot of tweets like this today; thank you and thanks everyone for the kind words
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If this extreme social distancing works and flattens the curve and reduces the final number of fatalities, it will have a sad side effect: It will give voice to (let’s just say it) imbeciles who cite the “low” death toll and say “See?? We shut down our economy for nothing!”
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Round three of my meds are finally done. Three more rounds to go. What better way to celebrate halftime than with this little beach speller?
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The next time a
@Patriots
fan tries to tell you the reason people hate Patriots fans is “because of the rings,” show them this: four *visable* middle fingers AND a shocker thrown in for good measure. Ironically, while sitting behind a banner promoting NE’s community service.
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My god, Imagine being this fragile. If my marginally-clever and innocuous jokes (on twitter) make you stop listening to a podcast, maybe you should find a safe space away from any opinion that differs from yours.
@BaldBryan
You’re gonna make me stop listening to
@AdamCarollaShow
. I’m begging you, stop commenting on politics.
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Here's a New Year's resolution for everyone in media: When someone lies, please call it a lie. Not a "falsehood" or a "misleading statement." And for god's sake, stop infantilizing lies by grading them with "four Pinocchios." Liars benefit from not being called liars. It ends now
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This is the greatest example yet of
@adamcarolla
's groundbreaking "Stupid or Liar" test. Either he confused the meaning of "would" and "wouldn't," which would (heh) make him extremely stupid, or he is a liar. Those are the only two choices.
BREAKING: President Trump claims he misspoke while discussing election meddling during news conference with Putin: "In a key sentence in my remarks, I said the word 'would' instead of 'wouldn't.' ... The sentence should've been: 'I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia'"
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@realDonaldTrump
@gregkellyusa
@newsmax
Should President Trump be president again? Poll results: No: 80,000,000+
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Oof. As promised, here's a picture of a -220 pound Balding Bryan with the beautiful, timeless
@TiaCarrere
at Loveline circa 2003. I call this one "Beauty and the Beast."
#NOTBryanBishop
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Cheers to new careers! Today marks a new chapter in Christie’s incredible professional journey: Executive Vice President at
@EdelmanSoCal
. Tessa & I are beaming with pride this morning. And don’t worry -
#CommercialGrade
will still be released weekly! Congrats,
@pardonmycrumbs
!
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First ever baseball game! Had 2 RBIs. She’s the only girl on the team. Hey,
@maxpreps
, get a prospect page up ASAP.
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It would take me 40 years to come up with the right words. So I’ll just say happy birthday, beautiful. 40 never looked so good.
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Tessa just proactively started watching an episode of The Simpsons on Disney Plus. I have nothing left to achieve as a father.
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