The kinda shit my friend texts me at 12:48am

WHY is every single institution, corporation, and media company bending the knee so readily to this man? When have we ever treated a president this way? He is a decrepit unintelligent old man who is going to be dead in a couple years. It makes no sense.

RT @noahpasaran: incredible that the republicans are going to absolutely destroy Medicaid and also build a fucking secret police and concen….

First day of my new job at the bank: customer comes up to the teller window and says "i need a new debit card, i got too drunk the other day and my pants fell down and it must've fallen out my pocket".

Someone's gotta get fired i don't even care who.

This might be the worst series I've ever seen the mets play.

Wow! Surely this translates into one of the league's most high-powered and consistent offenses.

I feel like being Amish wouldn't be that bad if they didn't make you cut your hair like that.

RT @NathanJRobinson: He's your party's nominee. You're supposed to "vote blue no matter who," remember? If you don't endorse the party's no….

Dear author of the NYT Mini Crossword. it is NOT called a "wawa" pedal. It is a wah or wah-wah pedal and I would like to have my time on today's puzzle adjusted as a result of this error. Thank you.

Time to start booing these people.

Oh wow the mets are gonna lose again?? Look how shocked i am.

Juan Soto:.

I don't care about the score taking soto out of this game is embarrassing.

Taijuan Walker I Will Always Love You.

I'm scared.

Damn a witch got hit by the el 💔

Well this season was fun while it lasted.

More like Paul Crapturd.

This monkey looks so trustworthy i'd let him sell me a car

All the ICE raids and police brutality have truly awoken Brandon Nimmo from his slumber.