https://t.co/lnRsvi5202

https://t.co/4obx58zWVD

What do you want to know?

Baseball is coming. Prepare yourself.

(Athletes debating the existence of coach) Lol, you idiot. You believe in an old man in the stands who tells us what to do? Grow up. We’re all alone out here. just animals on a field.

Make the Baseball Bleed

A new proposal from @CMSgov under @DrOz wants to add catheters, ostomy & trach supplies to Medicare’s competitive bidding program. This is a bad idea and will worsen outcomes for seniors & Medicare recipients. My latest in @MedPageToday explains why ⬇️

https://t.co/14jNA0AFoz

I can’t get over this umps nutsack being absolutely terrorized in a little league baseball game. 3 times in 1 game. I mean come the fuck on

The Bat, the Ball, and the Holy Glove

- Drinking fountain that has beer instead of water - Pneumatic tube system that can unleash a torrent of chicken wings to every seat in the stadium I have a lot more business ideas like this if any teams want to hire me as a consultant.

We have CPAC Mexico coming up in November because we are committed to working with our international partners to combat this drug epidemic, but the Mexican President @Claudiashein is afraid to upset the cartels.

Jerry Seinfeld calling his girlfriend up from the minors, 1997

The children all run to the mound to collect a bone from the ruined pitcher

Some people smoke crack to get high.... personally, I get high from the crack of a bat

Whatever you do.... DON'T say Barry Bonds 3 times with the lights off into a mirror

I was conceived at the baseball game where Babe Ruth invented the home run

Before we domesticated them baseballs used to be covered in teeth and would explode in hot bile when struck

The sum of all your fears. A pitch you can’t afford to miss.

Along the shore the cloud waves break, The twin suns sink behind the lake, The shadows lengthen In Carcosa.

The Mound yearns for another soul to claim

"I love America and I love Boston. Amen. "

When a home run is clobbered the stadium goes nuts. They’re jumping up and down. They’re screaming. They’re crying. They’re calling their son to apologize. They realize that it’s all going to be okay now.

Listen kid. If you wanna make it in this sport you gotta be willing to defy the laws of physics.