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Wonkette

@Wonkette

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18,632
Statuses
154,460

WE BAN TROLLS AND NAZIS.

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Joined February 2008
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@ksorbs Sir, this is Comic-con. And we asked for XENA not YOU.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Can Somebody Hold Nancy Pelosi's Beer While She Dick-Punches Trump Some More? via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@realDonaldTrump Hi. The Moon is a satellite of our EARTH. It's not a part of Mars, you big dummy.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
That's it? Takes longer to pay off a decent car.
@yashar
Yashar Ali 🐘
5 years
Manafort getting 47 months. What a departure from the minimum of 228 months that prosecutors had suggested.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@Jakeandbake336 Fact: Jake is wrong, it is not liveable, which is why so many work 2 or 3 jobs just to survive. Rather than coldly accuse people of wanting luxury, we should pay people enough to live. Thank You for coming to our TED Talk.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
1 year
Nepo Baby Anderson Cooper Is A Better Friend To Trump Than He Was To Kathy Griffin by @RobynElyse
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Dear Pissed-Off High School Kids: If Adults Threaten To Punish You For Protesting, FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@RudyGiuliani Oh, SHE'S the one with the problem.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
We look forward to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who cried about a mean lady making fun of her eyeshadow, explaining that "Horseface" is not sexist
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@realDonaldTrump You as President is like the nation has given birth to the largest and dumbest child in all of creation, and all we want is a DNA test from Maury proving We Are Not The Father of this DUMBshit.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Not sure where John McCain is going with this. #ComeyDay
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Hi, Everyone!! It's me, @BravenakBlog !! I'll be here doing Social Media for Wonkette for as long as Rebecca lets me and doesn't change the password. Also, you will probably be seeing more tweets, and interactions, so... Don't be afraid to stop by and say, "HEEEY!"
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
GOP: "Tamir Rice was old enough to know better than to play with a TOY gun in a PARK where kids like HIMSELF played. He got himself killed." Also GOP: "Kyle Kashuv was only 16! That's too young to even know what racism is! You're destroying his life, Harvard! LET HIM LIVE!!"
@AdamSerwer
Adam Serwer 🍝
5 years
Some people out here who think police murdering a black 12 year old with a toy gun is justified suddenly get really into forgiveness and grace when a white teen loses his chance go to Harvard.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Kamala Harris Is President Of The ‘Ellen’ Show, And It Is GOD-DANG DELIGHTFUL! via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman just told Trey Gowdy to STFU, reminding him that this is not his dumbass Benghazi committee. When he agreed to STFU, she said "Hallelujah" OUT LOUD! This shit continues to be lit.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@joncoopertweets An Indictment.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
In The Matter Of Diamond And Silk's Very Real Lawyer v. Wonkette: Bring It, Sh*thead by @jamielynncrofts
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
8 years
Oh. HELLO young Tim Kaine... #DemsInPhilly
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
9 years
Imagine what Jeb would say if Obama had said #stuffhappens the other night? Or after 4 Americans died in Benghazi. http://t.co/RwIVUlkw0A
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
9 years
Hey, remember all the times those Duggars warned us how evil gays threaten children? http://t.co/jRviwfWm8R http://t.co/CfbKh3XRki
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Brett Kavanaugh Just Made Susan Collins A Liar by @RobynElyse
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
4 years
Love it when a SCOTUS nominee is listing the 5 freedoms of the 1st Amendment and forgets the one about petitioning the government, part of which is ... the thing she does for a living.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Elizabeth Warren, We Love You So Fucking Much. You Are So Fucking Wrong Right Now. via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@AOC Send them a bible too, not sure the GOP has ever read the actual Bible.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
British spy Chris Steele is more of an American patriot than Devin Nunes or Chuck Grassley will EVER fucking be.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@AOC Aren't Third Way simply Republicans who are too ashamed to call themselves "Republicans?"
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
KAMALA HARRIS: This is the sixth time we have started one of these goddamned debates with 40,000 minutes on healthcare, and we still haven't had one fucking discussion about reproductive rights and abortion care and I am pissed off about it! MODERATOR: Let's talk about jobs!
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 months
CBS replaced “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour” with "Hee Haw," and that just about says all you need to know about network TV at the time.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Reminder. This is a guy who is currently suing an imaginary internet cow for hurting his feelings. via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@BrentScher Hi. So What? Trump BANKRUPTED CASINOS!! The Man Lost A Billion Dollars.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Dear Mia Love, We traded you for three white women and Channing Tatum. Good luck getting a Fox News gig, you might wanna get a blond wig for the interview. via @BravenakBlog
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Sarah Palin's Son Just Got Arrested For Assaulting A Woman. Again. -- by @RobynElyse
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@JoyAnnReid This is terrifying
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Ivanka Taking Daddy’s Seat At The G20 Seems Totally Normal If You Pretend We’re A Monarchy Now
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
She disrespected YOU, not AMERICA. I know America, Sir. I've worked with America. I'm good friends with America. You, Mr. Trump; you are not America, sir, and you never will be.
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
5 years
....invited Megan or the team, but I am now inviting the TEAM, win or lose. Megan should never disrespect our Country, the White House, or our Flag, especially since so much has been done for her & the team. Be proud of the Flag that you wear. The USA is doing GREAT!
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Remember how Trump "won" by 70,000 votes in three specific states? Weird, huh. Wonder what Paul Manafort's spy friend did with that polling data Manafort kept passing along.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Critics now claim that Harris is too much of a weed-smoking, hot-sauce chugging "fun auntie" to be taken seriously as president. Wasn't she a hard-assed cop just days ago? by @SER1897 re: @SenKamalaHarris also @mayaharris_
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Sniveling Piss Wipe Tom Cotton Gonna Call The Cops On Your Nana For SAYING WORDS TO HIM via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Defiant Hillary Clinton Still Releasing Book Tuesday, Even Though At Least 10 Men Think She Shouldn’t via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Go Fuck Yourself, Lindsey Graham by @RobynElyse
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
4 years
Everybody But Trump Agrees: GO THE F*CK TO JAIL, ROGER STONE via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Jeff Flake Wonders How Politics Got So Ugly, Doesn’t Own A Mirror via @DoktorZoom
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
NO QUID PRO QUO! NO QUID PRO QUO! JUST KIDDING HERE IS THE QUID PRO QUO! GET OVER IT!
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
While Teaching, Elizabeth Warren Was Only Making 67 Cent on the Dollar compared to an Equally Qualified ($1000/hr) Man When She Worked On Legal Matters There. We Fixed That For You
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
John Ratcliffe would now like to question Adam Schiff about the whistleblower. Schiff reminds Ratcliffe we're in a big boy hearing & he is supposed to be questioning WITNESSES. Eric Swalwell reminds Ratcliffe that anyone who outs whistleblowers are un-American pieces of shit.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Mr. President, You Are Not Above The Law.
@HillaryClinton
Hillary Clinton
5 years
I don't know who needs to hear this, but the president is not above the law.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Thank You Rod Rosenstein, Sniveling Toady! by @5DollarFeminist
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Seriously, who the hell is it?
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
ISSA: Why did you text that Trump would be a destablilizing president?!?!?! STRZOK: I said that after Trump literally said he was going to destroy NATO, which he is doing right now. ISSA: I DID NOT FUCKING ASK FOR A SERIOUS ANSWER TO MY QUESTION!
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Hey men, know what's more expensive than birth control? CHILD SUPPORT
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Just another day in being held hostage to the tertiary syphilis gremlins who live in Donald Trump's brain. (Allegedly.)
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
9 years
Judge Orders Fort Lauderdale To Stop Arresting Kind Old Hippie Who Feeds Homeless http://t.co/oPsC35qPpc http://t.co/qC2OlcMrsq
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Maggie Haberman paid for a laser light show, but all she got was an extremely grave and important moment in American history
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
"Hi, I am Peter Strzok. I protect America from Russian spies. But right now my time is being wasted by some paste-eating fucknugget traitors."
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
4 years
Dr. Deborah Birx Wins Susan Collins Award For Most Seriously Troubled During A Global Crisis by @SER1897
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
10 years
RT @DoktorZoom "And you may find yourself in a beautiful Oval Office... http://t.co/RFonGqqgad"
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Wonkette
5 years
Hey Bill Barr! What In The Entire F*ck Are We Waiting For Right Now? BY @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Tulsi ends her answer by being an asshole and asking why Elizabeth Warren thinks she is ready on day one to be president, but the moderator told Tulsi to go fuck herself and now it is a commercial. #DemDebate
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
4 years
Also we are all Raja Krishmoorthi throwing shade at Elise Stefanik behind her back:
@InactionNever
FierceWarriorNStilettos
4 years
Girl bye, I don’t do fake...😂😭 Congressman Krishnamoorthi is all of us!
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Wonkette
6 years
OH MY GOD LOUIE GOHMERT ACCUSED PETER STRZOK OF LYING AND THEN ASKED HOW MANY TIMES DID HE LOOK INTO HIS "WIFE'S EYE" AND LIE TO HER AND THEN A CONGRESSLADY SCREAMED SOMETHING ABOUT LOUIE GOHMERT BEING "OFF HIS MEDICATION" HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
2 years
Democrats Gonna Have To Learn To Win Without Florida. So Will Republicans Once Climate Change Swallows It LOL by @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@AOC "Freedom Cages" "Liberty Coffins" "Traditional American Exceptionalism"
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Maybe they should start Breitbart Fashion: For Women Who Also Think Women Are Stupid.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
2 years
Defense Inspector General Says Trump Lackeys Took Revenge On Vindman Brother For Impeachment. Yeah, No Sh*t. by @5DollarFeminist
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Silly Donald Trump Forgot To Invite Veterans To Big Veterans’ Meeting, DOY DOY DOY via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
As Professor Evan Hurst said in the ChatCave, “She’s just straw manning sane people’s arguments for gun control by saying we ‘blame the gun.’ She’s a fucking moron and should stub her toe daily.”
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@AOC Just waiting until we all agree to call the babies hostages. Are they really "detainees" or more like "hostages" when the plan is to treat them worse than enemy combatants?
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
John Kelly All Set To Get Rich Off Baby Jails. America! -- by @DoktorZoom
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
2 years
Mike Pence Is Just A Boy, Standing In Front Of The Federalist Society, Begging It To Not Kill Him by @GaryLegum
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Trump himself never gave any of his own money to the foundation since 2008. I don't entirely blame him. I wouldn't give one Yugoslavian pfennig to any organization with Trump's three oldest and dumbest kids on the board of directors. via @SER1897
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
If you're drinking, make a toast to Robert Mueller, may he live forever and bring all these motherfuckers down
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
7 years
Trump Reacts To Scary North Korea Nuke News By Bitch-Tweeting About Hillary via @EvanHurst
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Katie Hill Goes Down Fighting, And We're Not Crying, YOU ARE CRYING by @RobynElyse
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
Sorry but it's true
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Breaking News!!!! House Judiciary Committee voted 20-12 in favor of holding Mr. Barr In contempt.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Can people stop calling her stylish and elegant now? Let's not forget her hideous clothing line, sewn from our grandmothers' couch cushions by hostages overseas for pennies an hour.
@dcpoll
Polly Sigh
5 years
Why does Ivanka Trump have a maxi pad stuck to her head? #TrumpUKVisit
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Wonkette
5 years
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Wonkette
9 years
Carly Fiorina is going to drive the terrorists into the ground like they're a tech company. #GOPdebate http://t.co/13oVyIIoOU
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
@realDonaldTrump You were the weakest link. Goodbye! No, really, though. We're taking up a collection for a new fainting couch for you. What color would you prefer? We know you already have Smelling Salts, because you were sniffing it very hard and loudly during that...whatever it was.
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
6 years
He says he's going to build concentration camps and keep migrants there, but don't call him a fascist or compare him to a Nazi
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
9 years
Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children http://t.co/8LxGh0mGxX http://t.co/FwZvqRaH5k
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Wonkette
8 years
Take note, THIS is how you call for unity. Not by just yelling at people about unity. #DemsInPhilly
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
4 years
Hey, Remember When Nancy Pelosi Killed 45,000 Americans By Passing Obamacare? by @DoktorZoom
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Stop It With Your Marianne Williamson Stanning, She Is Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad by @Bravewritings
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Trump shut down her own sorry-ass clothing line to focus on her useless but flashy job as unelected Daddy whisperer. Trump is not someone who should ever speak about the dignity of work because she has no dignity and she's never worked. via @SER1897
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@Wonkette
Wonkette
5 years
Wonkette's Legislative Badass honoree Rep. Elijah Cummings, who has subpoena power now and ain't that a shame, just dropped a giant request for documents on new White House Counsel Pat Cipollone. via @5DollarFeminist
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