Vix Leyton ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ท๓ ฌ๓ ณ๓ ฟ๐ณ๏ธโ๐
@VixLeyton
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Stand up, @spendologypod host, consumer champion & hype merchant, writer, columnist. Strong views, diluted by vino. Fueled by petty.
Joined February 2009
Itโs me, Iโm โBBC expertโ who warns loyalty card shoppers over simple ยฃ3 mistake. Thanks @journo_sophie itโs important to not overspend by accident. And if you do participate, buy things youโll always need - like loo rolls
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Joanna Lumley, for anyone who needs to read this today.
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This is a damning indictment of Bradford.
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Got to sit in this โcoffee and a showโ seat on my train and a woman just held the door open to โprove a point against technologyโ which broke the toilet door so she canโt now go herself, and is now loudly addressing the carriage trying to declare it a โwomenโs only spaceโ
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Have to say Danny Dyer is a way better actor than people give him credit for - the warmth and nuance he gives to his character in #Rivals is gorgeous.
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@sablaah Happened to me - I was wearing statement sunglasses and someone informed on me to the photobooth man that I was stealing a propโฆ.
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What do we want? A job for Mohamed! When do we want it? As soon as anyone has a good one. Thanks.
I met Mohamed coming out of the tube at Canary Wharf this morning. He came to the UK as a child refugee and has two degrees in Space Engineering. He's looking for a JOB IN FINANCE. Please RT! DM me for his CV if you want to hire someone smart who thinks outside the box๐
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In Tesco buying ice coffee but theyโre ยฃ2.50 each and they are part of a ยฃ3 meal deal so I am absolutely paralysed by my base instinct to have the most expensive sandwich AND snack to get value despite fact that I donโt need either. Send help.
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So now Iโm an unwilling toilet attendant having to explain to everyone that the door is broken. She has broken the ONLY TOILET on a train going to Manchester. And we have about 3 hours left.
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Starting a new project and I have deemed it worthy of using a notebook I got as a gift that I was keeping for 'best' Do other people do this? Canonise everyday items you deem a bit too nice for everyday use?.
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Just saw Nicola Coughlan in Real Life and she just glows. Beautiful. Made direct eye contact as my mind went โfriend!โ then realised we donโt actually know eachotherโฆ smooth as ever.
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Iโm reading โAgain, Rachelโ by @MarianKeyes and, with 60 pages to go, I have no idea what ending I want and I have slowed down to a snails pace to savour it, whatever happens. She is the most incredible writer, every book is a gift.
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I am still fixated on founding a festival with a line up entirely based on things dads play in cars called โGloveboxโ headliners like Genesis / Mike and the mechanics / Simply Red. possibly M People. A comedy tent purely for dad jokes. Puns EVERYWHERE.
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Just beat a girl on the treadmill next to me in a race. She didnโt actually know we were in a race, but I maintain it still counts.
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@Alex_Cameron @DailyMailUK They paid out to me via this. If you need a template, can fire over.
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Camaraderie is at an all time high amongst other passengers. Honestly nothing unites British people quite like a situation like this.
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@Nicole_Cliffe I pretended I wanted a job in my local bar as excuse to talk to the barman I had a massive crush on. He went and got the manager - I was interviewed on the spot. I worked there alongside my day job for 3 weeks out of embarrassment.
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My dad bought me this for Christmas as a jokey present but it cheers me right up so is getting a lot of wear. My dad also used to keep a tiara in his glovebox for days I couldnโt face school to wear on the journey. It got regular use until I was about 21 I think, I still have it.
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TW weight loss. Yes I have advice for this so called friend of Sally, who sounds like a brilliant person. Fuck off, all the way, then fuck off some more.
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I can be quite an unstable atom. Iโm lucky to have the best people in the world to support me but even with an amazing network, when things are going on in your head you can still feel very alone. I revisit this from @caitlinmoran often. One minute at a time #WorldMentalHealthDay
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50:50 line up on Big Fat Quiz and all killer female pro comics rather than personalities. Weโll take this.
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My British Rail wrapped 2023.
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The staff at The Stand are some of the kindest, most brilliant people I have worked with. Diverse, intelligent, lovely people. Proud to work with them. Legends.
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A bumblebee dropped into my hair and I I have been on hands and knees on the balcony desperately trying to feed it icing sugar, as it is the only sugar I have; can report that not only is he alive and well, he is now glazed like a little doughnut.
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I pledged I would release the statement on 30 likes. Here is Mama Lโs official view on Schofeโs downfall. Her day has come.
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Always with us in our hearts. And on buses. And the less popular tube station ad spots.
Yeah ya boy Trivago here, the media spend may have ended but I'm still reppin' the brand, platform level
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I have gone the wrong way in Bank station and now I do not know where I am, or how to get out and I have tapped in and out several times. So basically I live here now.
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Yes, I love it when a man walks really close behind me down a deserted street and doesnโt overtake me when I slow down to let him pass so I can stop worrying. Wanted to go in this kebab shop anyway, thanks.
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I read this in Captain Raymond Holtโs voice.
Playing piano is so easy. You simply depress the key indicated on the sheet music. A child's instrument.
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I was genuinely put out to see Idris Elba had got married, like somehow his marriage is the only actual obstacle to our love. Sometimes I worry about myself. Obviously very happy for him though
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For anyone having a long week, here is some soothing hedgehog content.
Ever seen a hedgehog stretch? . Youโre Welcome! ๐ฆ .
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How to turn a ยฃ20 Lidl shop into an epic Italian date night. Yes I decanted the desserts into Gu pots. No shame.
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For anyone who needs to hear this today.
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Empty train. Man sits opposite me anyway. Ignore his efforts to chat with headphones. Pokes me to get a response. Demands I entertain him. Stonewall him until he finally goes to another carriage where he got his cock out, according to a lovely girl who fled into mine. Weโre tired.
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So tonight I got to see Scott and Charlene reunited and now I worry nothing will ever give me that much closure ever again.
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Who would like to know my mumโs hot take on Phillip Schofield?.
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We paid ยฃ5 to a farm for a goat to join our Dungeons and Dragons game for 5 minutes and it is the best money ever spent.
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Tripped over a manโs foot who was taking up 4 seats on the train & he muttered โscumโ then was astonished when I politely asked him to repeat what he said. Not having it. Sick of men being bullies. On trains, in general. Sitting here out of spite now as he is so angry I exist.
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4 years ago today I rashly signed up to get over my fear of public speaking learning stand up with @watsoncomedian My life since then has been a fairytale beyond my wildest dreams. Thanks to everyone who has supported me. If youโre waiting for a sign to do the thing, this is it.
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This is not surprising. Realistically there probably *are* fewer women pros because vast majority grassroots comedy bookers donโt allocate us the same amount of spaces to learn and fail and improve to graduate to top tier. It is not about talent, itโs about opportunity.
Revealed: The comedy clubs that book six times as many men. as women | Lucy Beamont was right! Our analysis reveals the depth of gender imbalance on the circuit .
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โWhere are you going to wear that though?โ.โEverywhere.โ
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My mam got me the most extraordinarily frumpy pants from M&S and I am furious about how comfortable they are having put them on โironicallyโ.
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Women supporting women. Soho theatre shutting the bar as I joined the queue for our pre @jessicafostekew wines, bouncer says girls in front are last so no wine for me, girls in front insist I am with them and therefore must be served. Thank you, whoever you were.
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Just found out you can listen to the story tapes from this on YouTube and I am so delighted.
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Itโs a hit. And the eggs are dippy so I made soldiers.
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Because sometimes you just need a picture of a cat pondering their bad life choices. The Captain, ladies & gentlemen.
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Because life has very much given us all lemons this week and I am so glad to see Friday.
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Won Beat The Frog tonight @frogandbucket - Surreal. Thank you Manchester audience, you were an absolute babe.
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I have just bought a jumper with a picture of a dinosaur on the front. I am 34 years old.
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3 years ago I pledged to get over a phobia of public speaking for charity as part of a marathon show and we joked about getting James Acaster down to โopen for meโ by the end of that day. Later Iโll be bringing him on at @lsqtheatre It really can happen to you. Do the thing.
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For the love of god Mama Leyton, write it down.
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No one is entitled to a career like comedy, it is a privilege. And no one not involved has the right to decide when someone has served enough โpenanceโ The audacity of detailing how negatively he was affected by his own behaviour. It is called consequences, and they were light.
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You cannot pass it on a timeline without sharing it. Itโs the law.
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In case anyone needs a moment of Monday peace
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Absolutely ridiculous. Dream big, guys.
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Just challenged someone on my booked seat and it turned out I was in wrong carriage. So if anyone needs me, Iโll be in the sea.
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Are straight men okay?
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Will never not share this picture of my cat making bad, relatable choices.
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@chuckiestealady It was a bold play to try to clear the carriage so she could have an โall gals togetherโ open wee. It didnโt work but I almost respect it.
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I know this is technically a nice thing but Wales is so bloody petty.
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First day at new job tomorrow. Thin line between being myself and not letting people know what Iโm like too soon. Tricky.
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Sold out today. Unbelievable. Thank you Edinburgh.
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@2lipsartdesign Not everyone needs to lose weight to love fashion, have lots of energy and feel alive - if that is what you needed then great personal choice for you, but not everyone is the same & dragging a friend in national press without context is quite far away from a loving conversation.
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I am a 38 year old child.
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Very emotional after marching in my first Pride parade and now I am crying on the tube.
the fact that the tennants went to pride and david wore this pin๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
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With the greatest of respect to me, why?
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I was crying at the start of this show as thought it was my first one no one came to. There were 8 people in, including @TheScotsman - what a day. What a fringe.
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39. Unfiltered. In (seatfrog ยฃ10) first class. Probably the most me Iโve ever been.
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Thanks to my venue for answering the daily question โwhat will make me cry first today?โ early doors. Good to get it out of the way. Weโre having a brilliant time but weekends are far outselling weekdays, it is graft behind the pictures. Keep going team, be proud of your shows.
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Did my first ever therapy session today to tackle my disordered eating and a host of other things, about 20 years overdue but glad I have finally started it. For anyone waiting for a sign they should, this is for you.
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Shout out to anyone else who is having a tricksy day with their mind. Have spent last couple of days with a skin prickling, creeping sense of dread for no reason and it's building up to quite a stress ball. Breathing deep breaths in and out.
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Been to a funeral today, and the eulogy was so full of love and laughs that it was basically goals. If, when I go, I leave behind people that care about me that much then I have definitely won at life.
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The Captain has seen a dystopian vision of the future & he urges you to think of the implications #CatsAgainstBrexit
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Just made a scary grown up call about my finances I have been dreading and putting off and losing sleep over - they were kind, helpful and supportive and I donโt have to worry anymore. Make the scary call.
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Not your girl, applying for an Edinburgh fringe 2023 solo run. Did she learn nothing last yearโฆ? .Working Title โAntiHeroโ and it is all about graduating from people pleasing. You should definitely come but no worries if notโฆ
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Totally get why people love the idea of Hancock eating kangaroo balls but โIโm a celebโ done with performative grace and grit can turn a heel into a face quicker than any other PR strategy, while ITV profit from our calls. And heโs not a panto villain, his decisions cost lives.
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My mumโs stream of consciousness of texts today is really quite somethingโฆ
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Life can be ever so cruel sometimes. Love everyone today, as tomorrow might be too late.
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My glamorous showbiz life. I paid ยฃ5 extra so I could have bunk beds and I regret nothing.
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@itsgettinglate I still think about it. How I worked that cloakroom from 10 - 3am, for minimum wage, after a 9 hour day answering the phones of an insurance company. All because I didnโt want the boy to know I fancied him. Way to a manโs heart, through the musty coats of strangers.
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Living my best Kevin Mccallister life in a 5* star hotel. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!
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Lidlโs layout is so batshit crazy you almost have to respect it. Yes - they think - this is where the sweet potatoes belong, right here next to the bird houses and riding hats.
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TW:ED depressed as ever to come back from a weekend of female family members judging success (mine & others) by weight, despite me imploring them wholeheartedly to not do that. It really is one of the least interesting things about a person; diet culture has done so much damage.
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2 own shows a day. 77 performances across 24 days. Edinburgh? Completed it mate. Thank you and good night.
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My dad used to keep a tiara in the dashboard of his car for me to wear on the journey for days when I didnโt want to go to school. So it was fitting to get this from a hen last night before going into a day where I have 215 possible tickets for 2 shows today and I have soldโฆ 4.
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My cat here just reminding you that trans rights are human rights ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Heโs clever for a cat, but embarrassing that his brain is somehow more advanced than some humans.
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Itโs got a bit real now. EXCITING.
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Accidentally got between a man and his girlfriend coming down the stairs off the tube and he grabbed my hand instead of hers. Rolled with it way longer than I should out of social awkwardness and now I cannot stop laughing.
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An official statement from my mum on Phillip Schofieldโs alleged queue jumping.
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New Edinburgh poster unlocked. Vix Leyton in Antihero.
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Indisputably my lifelong biggest grudge purchase. Where are the other 10,000 I have bought? Where are they?!!
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PRs, it has happened again. Pub? Anyone want to have a โweโre getting no coverage today and the government is on fireโ brunch?.
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