Uncorked Mama
@UncorkedMama
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Mom of a 7yo, 8yo and a dog. Detective’s wife. HS social studies teacher. Life is hectic, so gimme all the wine. Avi is me.
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Joined October 2015
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@notcapnamerica
We watched the documentary on them!! It is wild and sad all at the same time. I think it’s on Amazon prime
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I’m being a mean teacher today and having students handwrite an essay on lined paper instead of type it on a google doc. It’s easier for me to grade, reduces cheating and kids must physically turn it in before the bell rings. I’m sure it’ll go over well with them 😃
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Good for
#abc2020
for blasting Vanessa Espinosa’s name on this Turpin special. The local government and the public guardian should be ashamed of their handling this case
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Husband just found out that his department has been paying him a patrol rate instead of a detective rate for the past 4 years. They never told HR about his promotion. It’s going to be a nightmare figuring out retro pay, pension, taxes 😵💫
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@chrissyteigen
I’m a teacher & I went to an end-of-year party in a neighborhood where each house looked alike. I went to my car for something after being totally wasted and accidentally walked into the wrong house... and sitting at their kitchen table were my twin students and their parents🤦🏼♀️
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Husband and I didn’t communicate that we were buying cleats for Peyton after work today. We were there 20 minutes apart and we left with the same ones in the same size. I returned them & told the worker sorry we were clowns for not talking beforehand lol🤡
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@rawsalerts
I live 10 minutes away from this. One confirmed fatality, 6 unaccounted for. People trapped under the rubble. Major roads are closed and multiple helicopters circling
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We’re going away this weekend wo kids which means MIL is staying at our house. . . Which means I have to clean my house top to bottom today. Always so stressful prepping for when she comes! God forbid she sleep in the guest room that is ready. nope. She’ll sleep in our bed 🙄
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So we’re away this week and I have our teen sitter periodically coming over to let the dog out and we checked the ring doorbell at dinner time and saw she brought her male friend…
They stayed for 40 minutes 🤔😂
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@BrianEntin
Is it possible that she was cheating on her bf and needed an alibi and didn’t realize it would turn into this national news story event until it was too late? Idk.
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@fankristopan
@chrissyteigen
Luckily, their parents were cool and told them they’d be grounded if they told anyone at school. I totally thought I’d be the talk of the middle school by Monday and surprisingly, the twins didn’t say a word! That probably could’ve gotten me fired 😅
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To be fair, I did tell her she is welcome to hang out our house as often as she wants this week bc our dog would very much like someone there with him. I also said she could bring a friend over. So. Joke’s on me I guess
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We bought AirTags for the kids’ backpacks so we can track the bus route in the afternoon. That way we aren’t standing at the bus stop waiting forever for the bus 👌🏻
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So my friend took my kids to her church tonight for VBS and just texted me this. Tristan truly had a great response 🤣
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Just watched Hillbilly Elegy on Netflix and it was amazing. Well worth the watch
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Husband got the promotion! He’s now a criminal investigator. No more patrol!
now the panic sets in bc he’s suddenly going to dayshift and we now need a nanny to take them to school. Oh he starts Monday 🤪
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@notcapnamerica
I think he only intended to kill his wife once he found out she was going to a divorce lawyer. However, I bet Paul was nearby, heard the whole thing and Alex prob thought he had no choice but to kill him too so he wouldn’t get caught
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I just watched the news. The parents still don’t know if their kids are one of the deceased victims yet. Can you imagine 5 hours goes by and you still aren’t told if your kid is dead or alive? I cannot fathom. My heart breaks for all of those parents
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Today is Tristan’s birthday. He loves tea so I took him to a tearoom for a proper tea lunch, complete with 6 courses and 6 cups of tea (yes he peed every 10 mins)! He was in heaven! Then we ordered Red Lobster for dinner bc the young man insisted on lobster. Is he 7 or 70?!
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We’ll see if he wins 😬
We have to wear ugly sweaters tonight for Josh’s family Christmas…. The winner gets $500. Husband has it in the bag…stay tuned 😬
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Thanksgiving at a restaurant. 10/10 recommend. Kids got grilled cheese and chicken fingers so there wasn’t an argument about eating food they didn’t want . I got my turkey dinner. Done in less than 2 hours. Fabulous idea all around
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@KailLowry
Eh, was hoping for a collab! Jay z was there in the audience.. wish he would’ve made an appearance
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So Peyton wants to invite ONE kid from her school to her party and I’m like hmm idk the kid’s last name. don’t worry, husband was a creeper and figured it out 🤣
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My MIL surprised me w the most thoughtful present today. She remembered how upset I was in Jan. when a collage picture frame fell and cracked and it had a ton of my wedding pics in it. Well she took the smashed frame without my knowledge to Michael’s and they made me a replica.
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I vaguely remember my elderly neighbor saying she was gonna put prefilled eggs in our yard for Easter. Sure enough, she put at least 50 of them out there and it was freezing but we did an egg hunt at 7am, frost on the grass and all.
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@StuBishop_LPD
My husband’s coworker committed suicide yesterday, making him the 2nd officer in 3 years to do so within that department. So terrible the stress you guys are always in.
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He won the $500 🥳and since Peyton helped decorate the back of his sweater, he’s treating her out to dinner this week lol
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Mortifying mom moment: took my kids to the farmer’s market that is run by mennonites and my kids pointed to the slushy machine and asked the workers if it was a margarita maker 🫠🫠🫠
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No 7 year itch here, more like 7 years of wedded bliss w my bff 😀
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@Jeniestra
@notcapnamerica
“Wild whites of West Virginia” on prime
Also search “inbred family-the Whittaker’s in 2020”.. that’s a documentary but I think it’s on YouTube
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Picked up Josh’s car from the dealership and they said it was already paid for and it had a note the receipt saying “happy birthday”. His mom paid the $1500 bill. She knew it was at a dealership but didn’t know which one so she did some detective work. That was so sweet😭❤️
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Someone is SIX today (and yes she opened presents at 6am) 😂
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@taub_alexander
@NoContextHumans
People with blue check marks now get bumped to the top of the replies, no matter what they tweet.
It used to be the tweets with the most likes get bumped to the top. So yes now all we see are blue check marks who tweet irrelevant memes bc they’re trying to get $ and interaction.
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This girl I was friends with in middle school, (who I haven’t talked to in probably 20 years) sent me a Facebook message that she wants to catch up and hang out. She admitted that she has no friends and is very lonely being a new mom. Honestly that is so big of her to reach out
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First day! Today I meet 80 freshmen, tomorrow I meet 80 seniors. Currently sitting in the parking lot, giving myself a 5 minute rest before opening the door. Hope it’s a good one! 🎉
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@MarkFusetti
@BrianEntin
My husband is a detective and this is his theory. Strange that she went to target and got snacks.. then walked home 2 days later like it was nbd. Family calls 911 and says she’s unresponsive yet police said that was absolutely not the case. Fam is losing credit every hour lol
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Never forget the times that she washed all of MY laundry, reorganized MY dresser drawers full of clothes and went through MY nightstand. Now I just know to prep better
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So this morning we each took a kid to stores so they can use their gift cards and piggy bank money to buy things. Miss Peyton really wanted this microwaveable fox that she saw a month ago so she used her own $20 to pay for it and was so proud of herself. She even carried the bag
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We already have a mister and now he's getting a sister! 🎀👶🏼
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Headed to a fancy dinner to celebrate husband’s promotion. After a 6 month probationary period, he got offered the permanent position of criminal investigator. He’s had 3 homicides in the past week alone that are all his cases. So proud of him 🥰
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Husband and I are on our way to a resort. I don’t know if I’m more excited for the indoor pool and jacuzzi, alcohol, or just a weekend without kids.
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Do people realize that if they wear gloves at grocery stores or gas stations and DONT take them off before getting in the car or touching their belongings, that they’ve just made the gloves pointless? 🤯
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My favorite little man is 5 today 🎉 we’re gonna go to the pool today and tomorrow we leave for Camelback resort for a weekend at an indoor water park. Then Sunday we’re having about 10 people over for pizza and cake. Should be a good weekend!
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Husband got called into work. Why? 4th dead baby in 2 weeks from cosleeping! Wtaf is wrong with people!!
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@notcapnamerica
Last time I was in an airport, a woman cut in front of all of us in the long line, made it all the way up front and demanded they check her bag ASAP bc she was late. The TSA worker screamed at her and told her to get to the back of the line. We applauded.
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This sweet boy is 8 today! He said his perfect day would include bowling, hot tea, Titanic and Red Lobster takeout (bc he hates sitting in restaurants waiting for food) so that’s what we are doing 😂 he’s a simple man
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lol Tristan’s first day in kindergarten has me cracking up
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My flooring is done for the dining room 👌🏻 no more carpet!
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Leave it to Peyton to request going to bed early so that she can “leave 4yo Peyton behind and wake up as the new 5yo Peyton”.
She put herself to bed 20 mins earlier than usual and said “wait til you meet the new 5yo me” and shut her door.
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Just a boy and his late afternoon cup of tea. he came home from soccer, showered, put on pjs and asked for his tea. He’s a little old man 👴🏻
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Happy Mother’s Day to me, my in-laws announced that they’ll be over at 10 😑
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Peyton told me she’s wearing a wedding dress today (it’s all white) so I decided to show her our wedding album (prob for the first time ever?) and she is ENTHRALLED seeing all of her family there and the pretty dresses ❤️
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A girl from HS is coming over later to pickup a kids jeep that I’m selling. Haven’t seen her in 20 years and apparently she lives 10 mins from me and saw my Facebook post about it. Will it be awkward when she comes? Is she looking for a friendship? lot of unknowns here 🤷🏼♀️
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I’m not telling my students that I made 3 different versions of an assignment and hand picked who got which one. I’ll let them figure it out today. I’m tired of the constant cheating, copying, plagiarizing etc so they get what’s coming to them
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And he booked us a trip to Antigua in June for our 10th anniversary! Said he booked it in November and kept it a secret this whole time. This is our room with a private pool. Why is he the best 😭
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Sometimes I wish they could stay this little and happy forever
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My kitchen is almost done! Grout tomorrow and then we hunt for window treatments and a new kitchen table (since our oak one clearly clashes now lol).
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We tried to recreate our wedding pic from 10 years ago 😂
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Tristan told his teacher that he watched the news last night about the school shooting and she immediately told him to “zip it” and “stop watching the news”. I’m kind of annoyed at those comments. Not enough to email her or anything but don’t tell a kid to NOT watch the news.
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7:20am and I caught boys smoking weed in the bathroom already. Happy first day back!
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So Peyton’s favorite monkey was all raggedy-lost the stuffing, bitten off eyes and nose...just blah. Well my precious neighbor fixed her up yesterday: added stuffing, eyes, nose and gave her new feet! Sewed her 3 dresses. Peyton is in absolute heaven!!! She is forever grateful!
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She loves selfies. No lie, she smiles every time she sees herself 😂
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Implementing family reading time since Tristan’s HW is to read 20 minutes a day and he’s less than pleased. Hopefully this makes it a little more “fun” since we’re all doing it
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Josh is at court so that means allllll the bonding between the two of us today
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@KeeleyFox29
@PhillyPolice
And this is why my husband never ever wears his uniform during his commute! It would make him an easy target. Glad the officer is okay
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Second day of school and several seniors asked to eat lunch in my classroom with me. Annoyed at first bc I like my lunch to myself but then realized they must feel comfortable around me so I’ll take that as a compliment
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Peyton picked out new curtains today…and they’re very HER 🤣. Bright, loud and a little obnoxious. Can’t wait to see it in the daylight lol
Side note: her vanity has more makeup kits than I own 🤪
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I put Tristan to bed at 8:15 and I think you should all know that he just came out of his room at 9:05 to ask me if Coronavirus starts with a C or a K 😂 bless him for laying in bed thinking about spelling and letters for the past 45 minutes.
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Just got home from our weekend away. MIL reorganized our 2 linens closets upstairs, vacuumed behind and under all beds. Apparently she did so much that Tristan asked her if she was our maid 😂 also I told her specifically to sleep in the guest room & she slept in our bed anyway🙄
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My neighbor is obsessed with gardening. She’s always in our yard weeding but days like this I’m thankful- she gave the kids gloves and trowels and they’ve been outside with her since 8:30 (in their pjs) 🤪
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a few weeks ago i mentioned how generac heard about Tristan’s love for their company. I’ve been working closely with them since then and it’s a done deal. Film crew, CEO and others are coming over next week and having him install generators for the day. We told him today. Enjoy☺️
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Today marks 8 years of wedded bliss with the one who always makes me laugh!
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Got a surprise email from my principal this morning that he has a sub covering my study hall duty today and to enjoy extra prep time. How nice of him! Great way to start a Wednesday!
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So the photographer sent me the website for the gallery and I love them all
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Tristan got his pre-k portrait back today. How adorable is he??
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We made it to our oasis in Antigua. Check out this room 😍 husband did good picking this place out by himself!
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I’ll preface this by me saying that I call Peyton a hot mess a lot... well tonight she had Oreos all over her mouth and I told her to wipe it. She did and then told me “I just wiped my mouth and now I’m not a hot mess anymore! Aren’t you happy I’m not a hot mess?” I DIED 🤣🤣
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I ordered Peyton’s flower girl dress from Amazon and it came today. It is so cute on her 🥹
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Peyton just peed in the potty for the first time ever at my friend’s house 😮 she said she had to poop, ran to the bathroom and waited for me. I followed her, pulled down her shorts, sat her on the potty and she went right away. Am shocked.
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I just booked a FREE photo session with a photographer who is offering it to local police families. Includes 60 min session, printouts and an 11x14 framed one 😭 I’m so excited!
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Twitter: “I’m broke, omg we have no money”
Also Twitter: “we’re pregnant again!!! Also look at my manicure & my new makeup & lashes!”
Yes I’m feeling judgy. Do better, people.
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Said goodbye to the kids tonight and won’t see them til Sunday! 👌🏻husband booked us a bed and breakfast in Gettysburg for a mini getaway this weekend! Looking forward to hot tub, pool, drinks, breakfast and battle tour ☺️
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