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Late Stage Capitalist Profile
Late Stage Capitalist

@Tortoisehead

Followers
860
Following
108K
Media
589
Statuses
19K

There’s no opportunity anywhere. Don’t even try. Not financial advice.

Joined August 2019
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@lindsaybitcoin
Lindsay Stamp
24 hours
We’re officially exiting the single family rental game. Sold 1 property in March 2025, 1 goes on the market on January 5th and the last on April 1st. It’s been a wild ride these last 5 years and I can confidentially say that I’ll never do that again.
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
17 hours
Minivan in parking lot at work every day has bald tires. Steel threads are showing I noticed it parked next to me 6 months ago. They were bald then, even worse now Where I live it rains every day this time of year Seems totally safe
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
20 hours
People have been saying “the next 10 years will be a lost decade” since 2017 Hard to time these things
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@Tbag__1
Oh Chale.
2 days
my mum is begging me to marry and have a kid because “I work”. I begged this woman to buy me a PS2 console when I was 10. She did NOT . We shall see
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18K
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@ned_flaczynski
The Unahugger
2 days
“Lower 48” is an Alaska-centric, Hawaii-phobic phrasing
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@randomrecruiter
The Random Recruiter
3 days
Being hungover with two young kids is the type of hell I wouldn’t even wish upon my worst enemy
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
4 days
Tulips are coming up already
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
5 days
Rams fans are whiny This is not a good look LA
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
6 days
$CAVA up 7% so far today and starting to fill this gap
@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
21 days
$CAVA looks like it wants to fill the gap to $60 on the daily chart
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@the_david_movie
DAVID
2 months
DAVID slings into theaters this Christmas season on December 19. Tickets on sale now!
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@realfrugalmogul
The Frugal Mogul 🏡
7 days
Of all the naturally occurring ways to die, the “Florida sinkhole” haunts me the most
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
8 days
$F Ford pretending like North America is the only market in the world
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
8 days
Bro is slamming his deadlifts on the ground like he’s world champ There’s hardly any weight on there
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
9 days
It’s been 4 years since my job interview… I’m beginning to suspect they chose someone else
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10K
@randomrecruiter
The Random Recruiter
9 days
Remote workers when they hear a Microsoft Teams notification during their mid day nap
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2K
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
9 days
In this week’s big news on X: It’s cold in the upper Midwest Rainy in the Pacific Northwest And foggy in California Highly unusual. 🙄
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@Lifeinvestmoney
Worst Finance Takes
9 days
If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough Just remember no one cares
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@Tortoisehead
Late Stage Capitalist
9 days
I’m getting an office with a closed door and multiple windows to the outside First time in my life Goodbye cubicle
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@OrwellNGoode
Orwell & Goode
10 days
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3K
@TrendSpider
TrendSpider
10 days
$WMT Walmart trading at 45× earnings like it secretly won the AI race.
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