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@ToB_Determined
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Mental health and lifestyle blog, living with Inattentive ADHD, Autism and depression.
United Kingdom
Joined October 2023
The Autistic Paradox: When people have always seen you as strange or weird. But when you tell them you're autistic, suddenly they claim you can't be because you're "too normal"
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Before I knew about my ADHD, people constantly asked (often in exasperation) why I thought or acted the way I did. They couldn’t accept that I didn’t know either, so I gave random answers to see what was acceptable enough. You lie to survive, but don’t know why.
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Non-binary folks can go on estrogen. Non-binary folks can go on testosterone. Non-binary folks can get top surgery. Non-binary folks can get bottom surgery. Non-binary folks can use she/her. Non-binary folks can use he/him. None of this makes anyone “less” Non-binary.
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Them: You don't look autistic Me: My autism doesn't really look like anything. It's mainly just me being anxious about things. Can't eat safe food. Anxious. Someone too close to me. Anxious. Have to do small talk. Anxious. Them: You don't look anxious Me: I hide it REALLY well
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Sensory overload in a nutshell.
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ADHD is often portrayed as this "Oh, silly me" thing... But it's not. It's forgetting bills, losing passwords, spontaneous/impulsive spending, horrific RSD, intrusive thoughts, breaking important things, addiction, losing jobs, friendships and relationships, and so much more.
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Delayed emotional processing sucks because when people ask, "Why didn't you tell me that bothered you earlier?" you need to explain that it normally takes 3-5 business days to realize you were bothered.
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Ahh, the joy of having combined ADHD and Autism, the fun of feeling imposter syndrome, perfectionism and mid task frustration all at the same time. So that every time I try to do something I feel like screaming a minute in. 🥴😡😭😭
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[My ADHD brain] Sleep? BORING Drink water? BORING Go to the bathroom? BORING Answer someone calling my name? BORING Work on the important thing due next week? BORING Pay attention to the conversation I’m currently having? BORING
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to be autistic in a neurotypical world is to be constantly dysregulated. it’s a constant slog to regulate my emotions, my tone, my sensory input, my energy levels and even my temperature
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Even though MANY autistic people also have ADHD, there are many ADHD traits that seem like the exact opposite of autistic ones. As AuDHD'ers can attest, this makes navigating our changing struggles and support needs a wild, unpredictable ride at times.
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Autistic sensory sensitivities are usually more than 'just being uncomfortable.' Sensory issues, such as loud noises, can be physically painful, can trigger automatic behavioural responses, can impact executive function, and/or have serious emotional impacts.
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End result, I feel like shit and can’t play in either creative or normal modes because one part of my brain won’t shut up about what aspect I dislike.
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