Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜
@adamfare1996
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Trying to muddle my way through life. AuDHD, Mental illness, Eating Disorders, Stomas, Disability and Equality. Ace 🖤🤍💜 Views are my own. (He/Him)
North West, England
Joined March 2013
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Question to Autistic people…
What research studies and topics would you like researchers to carry out?
Not that they’ll listen to us, but we can at least try…!
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"There were no Autistic people when I was younger"...
Oh yes there were, just any of the "obviously Autistic" people were treated like this so you never saw them.
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This is what a red flag for an abusive parent looks like.
I took my daughter to her yearly physical today (she’s still a minor) and the cheery nurse told her she will need a urine sample and oh since she’s over 15 they will need to get her cell phone number so they can call with any results and handed her the laptop to type it in. I…
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Another reason I think Autism and ADHD diagnoses are rising now…
The Pandemic took a load of undiagnosed ND children who seemed “fine” at school, and suddenly put them in a situation that - for many - was infinitely better for their wellbeing.
Then schools went back, and…
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A 17-year-old A-Level student informed the school of his name change.
The teacher pointed at him instead of using his name.
Wrote his deadname on the board.
Repeatedly misgendered the student.
Yep, that’s bullying/harassment/abuse, and the teacher deserved to be sacked.
Teacher sacked for 'refusing to use transgender student's chosen pronouns'
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Well well well… if it isn’t the consequences of your own bigotry…
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Okay how is denying children the ability to go to the toilet when they need to "preparing them for the workplace"?
I have never once been denied the ability to go to the toilet at work. Nor has anyone questioned why I'm leaving the room/leaving the call momentarily.
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You cannot “resilience” your way out of systemic oppression, chronic pain/fatigue/illness, or societal barriers.
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Some may disagree but I’m going to put it out there…
I don’t think 12 hour shifts should exist.
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Regret rate for knee replacement surgery: About 30%
Regret rate for marriage: Over 40%
Regret rate for chemotherapy: About 13%
Regret rate for cosmetic surgery: About 80%
Regret rate for having children: 8%
Regret rate for gender affirming surgery: Less than 1%
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The r-word isn’t slang.
It’s a slur. It’s never okay to use.
Stop using it.
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It forced those ND children out of that routine, and back into overwhelming situations that actually were never good for them, and without any form of proper transition.
The result? Overwhelm, burnout, executive dysfunction, and suddenly those “fine” children were struggling.
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Want proof that chemical imbalance is a real thing?
Look at what happens when you give many people with ADHD a caffeinated drink.
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The “gifted and talented” to Autistic/ADHD to burned out by the time you’re 23 pipeline…
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My colleagues went out for some lunch today, and when I’m in the office I can’t have solid food so people often miss me out.
But my manager made a point of saying “I know you don’t have lunch when you’re in the office, but it would be nice if you could just come and sit with us”
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No, he raped her.
Language matters, especially in these contexts.
Police officer who recorded himself having sex with 13-year-old girl ‘close to tears’ as he gets jail
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If you want a good example of ableism… just look at peoples’ reactions when an ambulant wheelchair user stands up to get something off a shelf in the shops.
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What the data says: Young people are more likely to be LGBTQIA+
What the data means: There are probably a lot of older people who have lived their whole lives closeted.
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Anyone else feel like “Did they have any underlying health conditions?” is starting to sound a lot like “what was she wearing?” or “was she drunk?”
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(Yes this is similar with adults and WFH too, and can also be the exact opposite for others. It’s very nuanced but I think the Pandemic brought out a lot that was hiding under the surface)
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Many disabled people cannot work.
Not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. And no “incentives” or punishments will change that.
It’s that simple.
And they should have enough money to have a good quality of life and all the support they need to maintain that.
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If you couldn’t unconditionally accept and love:
- An Autistic child
- An LGBTQIA+ child
- A disabled child
- A child who isn’t “academic”
- A child who you can’t “control”
- A child who has (or wants to have) their own agency
Don’t have children… ever.
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Hot parenting take… in general…
Parents owe their children everything, they (mostly) literally chose to bring them into the world.
Children owe their parents nothing. That doesn’t mean they can’t/shouldn’t, but that they don’t inherently and it should never be expected.
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My view on “Able to work”
If someone works, but has no quality of life, or isn’t able to have any life outside of work because work takes all their energy/capacity that they may have left over after managing their condition(s)…
They are not able to work.
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RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) is not someone being "over-sensitive", or not being able to put up with criticism.
It's a subconscious, overwhelming, uncontrollable response to rejection (or perceived rejection).... (c)
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Look if you really wanted to "protect children" you would:
- Ban Child 'beauty pageants'.
- Stop Restrictive diet adverts.
- Ban Diets or calorie counting apps aimed at children.
- Reform the education system.
- (In the US), have proper gun laws.
- Have free school meals for all
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"Autism didn't exist when I was younger"...
Pluto wasn't discovered until 1930, I'm pretty sure it still existed before that.
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Autistic burnout isn’t the same as “normal” burnout.
It’s not something that a couple of weeks of rest can help with, and it’s reinforced by almost every aspect of society. I’d go as far to say that probably a majority of Autistic folk live in perpetual burnout of some form.
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Self diagnosing Autism is not dangerous, it's literally the only way Adults get a formal dx.
And it's also not safe or possible for many to get a formal dx, for so many reasons.
So it is absolutely valid.
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"How did Autistic people manage before all these 'woke' accommodations?"
They didn't. They were either hidden from society from a very young age, burned out by adolescence and ended up in institutions... or they just lived in perpetual burnout and died young.
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Knee replacement surgery: Regret rate = approx. 30%
Cisgender women breast augmentation: Regret rate = approx. 30%
Chemotherapy: Regret rate = 13%
Trans Gender Affirmation surgery: Regret rate: About 1-2%
Facts don’t care about your feelings, transphobes.
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“Ice breakers” and “team-building activities” are always done in a way that harms Neurodivergent people.
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“How can ‘they/them’ be singular?”
Okay, you’re walking in a park and notice a dropped wallet. What do you say?
“Someone dropped their wallet”
There you go, you’ve just proved it can be singular.
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I just got told off by a Sixth Form teacher for leaving school early…
I’m 25 and was walking back from ALDI, the route happens to pass the 6th form. 😂😂🤦♂️
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Caffeine can have the exact opposite effect on ADHD folk compared to those who aren't ADHD.
It proves that ADHD is real, and that there is a definite chemical reason for it.
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The human body is amazing, but making hunger and nausea so similar that you sometimes can’t tell the difference is a massive evolutionary cock-up.
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“It’s too easy to get disability benefits”… said by people who have never had to apply, appeal, go to tribunal, and have lost loved ones due to the inhumane process.
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Lots of parents outing themselves here…
Why would you be against a 15-year-old having a confidential chat with a medical professional unless you’re worried they’ll say something you wanted to keep hidden?
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This may seem like a small thing, but just to feel included despite not being able to do the “normal” thing, is really quite uplifting and empowering.
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People: “Stop indoctrinating children!!”
The same people:
• “Do you have a girlfriend yet?” (To a 6-year-old)
• “Aww she’s so cute, I bet the boys will be after her”
• “WHEN you get married and have children”
• Send their children to “beauty pageants”
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Chronic illness honest translations:
“Im good”: Just the usual level of pain and exhaustion.
“I’m fine”: Not great but cba talking about it.
“Not too bad”: Pretty shit actually.
“Been better”: I’m not great at all.
“I’m not feeling too good”: I should be in hospital.
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“There weren’t as many Autistic children when I was at school”
Yes there were, you just didn’t know. They were just classed as “weird”, “eccentric”, “loners”, “gifted and talented”, “emotional”, “angry”, etc…
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Pardon me whilst I go and die in second-hand embarrassment
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I’m not “Dis-abled”
I’m not “Differently abled”
I’m not “Special”
I’m disabled. It’s one word, a neutral term… and one that absolutely describes how my conditions affect my quality of life.
Disability isn’t a bad of dirty word.
Disabled people are valid.
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Fuck. Off.
Sick and disabled people aren’t “languishing on benefits”, they’re struggling to survive because benefits aren’t enough to have a decent quality of life.
Many/most of those won’t be able to work no matter how much you shake them.
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Autism: I need routine
ADHD: I need change
Au: I need predictability
ADHD: I need spontenaity
Au: I need rest
ADHD: I need stimulation
Au: This must be perfect
ADHD: Nah that's enough now
Au: I love this special interest
ADHD: Next one please
And people wonder why we burn out...
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Vital for some disabled people who can’t peel vegetables and/or aren’t able to eat potato skins.
Seriously stop baiting the ableists.
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"Self dx Autism is danergous"
Well for many, getting a formal dx is even more dangerous.
They could be misdiagnosed.
They could face discrimination.
They could be denied body autonomy.
And so much more...
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Living as an AuDHD person:
Au: “I need routine”
DHD: “I must have spontaneity!”
Au: “This has to be perfect”
DHD: “Just get it done”
Au: “Change burns me out”
DHD: “Routine burns me out”
Can’t win…!
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People who cannot work... cannot work.
They should have enough money to stay in their home, keep it warn & dry, have enough food to eat, transport, the things they need to manage disabilities/caring responsibilities, and enough left to have a life.
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So many men coming onto the news about Period Products with "what do men get for free"...
Erm... the freedom from worrying about bleeding every month and not being able to afford the things that give you some dignity & security?
Seriously guys... don't.
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“Autistic children are being transed!!”
Have you ever tried to get an Autistic person to do something they don’t want to?
Have you ever considered that maybe more ND folk are Queer (outwardly at least) is because we don’t pretend to conform with bullshit societal “norms”?
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Trans people will continue to exist long after a generation of bigotry has left this planet.
If your playmates are the far-right, every one of the worst misogynists, anti-abortion folk, and fascists… when do you start to realise you’re on the wrong side of history?
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Fatphobia and weight stigma are far more dangerous than a body size could ever be.
What’s your unpopular medical opinion that would land you in this position?
Drop it in this thread
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A disabled person saying "I hate being disabled" isn't necessarily from a place of internalised ableism... it might just be that their disabilities are massively affecting their quality of life....
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ADHD and Autism in women and girls is very real and is massively under diagnosed.
Those who are dismissing it as "trauma" or a "fad" are only causing harm.
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If you’re a parent and have an issue with this…
You shouldn’t have had children.
This letter was sent to a 12 year-old boy by his GP. His mother is not happy. I don't blame her. She'll be discussing it with me on today's Richie Allen Show. I'm live at 4. Speak then.
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Someone who isn’t able to work due to disability doesn’t just sit around doing nothing all day.
They have a full time job in managing their disabilities and trying to have some sort of quality of life.
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If you think someone would lie about being disabled so they don't have to work and can claim disability benefits...you clearly don't understand the system, nor the fact that disability benefits aren't enough for most to survive.
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“Autism is about 4 times more common among boys than it is girls”.
No, Autism is 4 times more likely to be DIAGNOSED in boys than it is girls. It doesn’t mean it’s 4 times more common.
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I was today years old when I learned that Vitamin D isn't actually a Vitamin, but a hormone.
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Erm…
It must be nice to have this level of ignorance.
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Laughs in disability...
Could you stay in the house for a whole week without stepping a foot outside for $100,000?
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If you don’t want to have a disabled child, or one who is LGBTQIA+…
Don’t have children. Ever.
Opinion about Parenting that would get you like this? Let’s have them!
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Schools cannot claim to be inclusive and accessible if they have attendance awards.
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If someone is in Neurodivergent burnout, one of the worst things you can do is treat them as if they have depression.
They may look very similar from the outside but they are totally different things and require totally different ways of managing.
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For me, Autistic burnout isn’t something that’s easy to describe.
It’s where everything is too much, but nothing is enough.
I have no motivation for anything, but am on “autopilot” to get through each day.
It’s more than fatigue and tiredness, it’s a whole body & mind overwhelm.
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I'd rather have a system whereby everyone who needed support got it, but a small minority took advantage, compared to a system where fewer can take advantage, but a significant number of people who need support (and are eligible) can't get it.
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No apologies for the language here...
Fuck you if you're a medical professional who thinks like this. You shouldn't be anywhere near patients. This stigma should never exist in a caring profession.
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@ElleAbismo
“Do not let your child answer any question”
“Don’t let your child give their phone number”
They are controlling behaviours and abusive.
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A rule I have for paying my cleaner:
If the jobs I ask her to do take 1 hour 45 minutes, she gets paid 2 hours.
If the jobs take 2 hours 10 minutes, she gets paid for 2 hours 10 minutes. This is how jobs and employment should work...
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When being (formally diagnosed) Autistic automatically excludes you from emigrating to many countries... please don't try to tell us that only formal dx are valid, or that it's safe for everyone to get them.
(This is just one example of many)
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Most “inspirational quotes” are just ableism and toxic positivity.
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“What is broken can be fixed”
1. Being Ace isn’t “broken”
2. The “fix” is called conversion therapy and corrective rape. So fuck off
Being asexual means something is broken in you down to a biological level, but that's not something to stigmatize as everyone in the now is broken in at least one way or the other.
And best of all, you still have life, so what is broken can be fixed.
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Okay so people are complaining that parents are taking their children to indoor play areas when they say they can’t afford to live…
Clearly completely missing the point… also people in poverty or who are struggling still deserve nice things and to have time out.
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Don't expect ADHD folk to work 8 hours per day, every day.
Expect that some days they'll do 300% of their work, and other days 10% max.
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Employers really need to stop trying to force people with ADHD (and other disabilities) to work 9-5, Monday-Friday.
Our brains and bodies might simply not work that way, and it doesn’t make us any less productive or capable.
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If you're a parent worrying about not being able to afford presents for your children, please know this...
I'm 26, and cannot remember a single present I got before the age of 12... but I can remember that I was loved every day, and that's all that matters today.
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These people totally prove the point…
Yes Paul, you were being unreasonable. Migranes can be horrific and people who suffer them absolutely may need a day off if they have one.
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Why a mobile phone might be necessary in school:
- The child is a carer
- The child is disabled and may need to urgently contact people
- Medication reminders
- Controlling insulin pumps/monitoring glucose
- Safety travelling to/from school
- Getting evidence of bullying.
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“Consent” under duress is not consent.
“Consent” under coercion is not consent.
“They said yes last time” is not consent.
“We’re in a relationship” is not consent.
Not explicitly saying “no” is not consent.
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"What rights do asexual people not have?" 2 examples:
1. The right to exist without being ridiculed or told you have an illness.
2. The right to have body autonomy. I've been denied medical procedures because of the "risks to sexual function", even though I wanted the procedure
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... so if someone seems to constantly be seeking validation, over-apologising, becoming overwhelmed if they feel left out or rejected, or acts in a disproportionate manner to feedback... this might be why.
And it's very common for ADHD folk, as well as many with trauma.
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We need to talk more about passive suicide. Those consistent, often impulsive ideations that some have.
Though they may not always be an immediate danger to the person's life, they can be traumatic - and are often hidden because people feel shame and like they won't be believed.
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In school, we had an Autistic person who often was very disruptive. During a swimming lesson, he started dunking people under the water and causing them a lot of distress.
My mum (who was a helper) got told off for saying “please don’t do that, it’s wrong and could cause harm”…
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Not only is this disgustingly transphobic and just ridiculous…
It also essentially invalidates and ignores adoptive mothers, mothers who had to use a surrogate, and many more besides.
This is literally “erasing women”.
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No one who is complaining about the disability benefits system being “too lenient” has ever actually gone through that system.
They have no idea how dehumanising, degrading, exhausting and traumatic it is just to get the bare minimum.
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Cishet folk: "We don't talk about sexuality at all"
Also cishet folk when talking to a 7-year-old: "Aww is she your girlfriend?"
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A mum has lost her son to suicide, killed by a society full of transphobic bigotry and hate.
She has now been abused, doxxed, and harassed so much that she’s had to delete her account.
A grieving mum.
Transphobes, you are the most disgusting people. How fucking dare you.
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If someone lives in chronic, severe pain, it’s very likely their mental health will also be poor.
That doesn’t necessarily mean they have a specific mental illness, and the best “therapy” may well be to find a better way to manage the pain.
Physical health = Mental health
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According to society, disability HAS to either be:
- You’re so disabled you can’t function at all, and have to be treated like a baby.
Or
- It’s a “superpower” and you’re superhuman with special abilities.
It’s all rooted in ableism.
Please, stop it.
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“A permanent solution to a temporary problem” is often said about suicide.
But this actually dismisses and invalidates those for whom their “problem” IS permanent, and often progressive too.
Again, well-meaning statements can actually isolate people further.
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