TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms)
@TechnicallyRon
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こどもの日
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#해피큥데이
• 104455 Tweets
Al Jazeera
• 84909 Tweets
GW最終日
• 80718 Tweets
Bernard Hill
• 71204 Tweets
Vlad
• 69993 Tweets
Spurs
• 58359 Tweets
West Ham
• 56810 Tweets
Tottenham
• 53834 Tweets
Sivasspor
• 44696 Tweets
سعد اللذيذ
• 43040 Tweets
#GSvSVS
• 40465 Tweets
Theoden
• 37081 Tweets
BBL Drizzy
• 33918 Tweets
#LIVTOT
• 31700 Tweets
Gallagher
• 26347 Tweets
Happy Cinco de Mayo
• 25303 Tweets
D-1 to BLOSSOM
• 21882 Tweets
Ange
• 20702 Tweets
Mertens
• 15816 Tweets
LOSE MY BREATH MV TEASER 2
• 14433 Tweets
Rohan
• 14283 Tweets
Tim Scott
• 13896 Tweets
Anfield
• 13597 Tweets
Gakpo
• 11038 Tweets
#محمد_عبده
• 10845 Tweets
Ziyech
• 10057 Tweets
I took 1 star reviews of
#Barbie
from furious men on letterboxd and put them on the posters because it makes the film seem ever cooler.
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It is the period between Christmas and New year. No one knows what day it is. Time doesn't really exist. Can we start drinking at 10am? Why not. Existence is a confusion.
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How the seasons work in the UK:
Jan - Cold
Feb – Still Cold
Mar – Still cold but snow now
Apr - Rain
May – More rain
Jun – Why is it still raining
July - BEES
Aug – Oh god it is so hot
Sept – I miss the heat
Oct – Heat is simply a memory
Nov - Cold
Dec – Cold but with capitalism
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2007: It's called a smart phone, it can do everything!
2017: Stare into the nightmare rectangle and watch society collapse in real time
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Sometimes reddit is really good
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Andrew Tate trying to bully a teenager on the internet and failing so badly he gave his location away to the police and got arrested is the end of year gift we all needed.
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My wife cries at absolutely anything. I mean, ANYTHING. So i started writing the reasons down because reasons.
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In all fairness Brits probably don't do Thanksgiving because if we had to take a day off for the anniversary of us fucking over a native people and ruining their country we'd never have to go to work.
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A female lord of the flies where everything goes fine and they create a society on a secret island wait this is the start of wonder woman
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Let’s play a game of MILLENNIAL MONOPOLY. The rules are simple, you start with no money, you can’t afford anything, the board is on fire for some reason and everything is your fault.
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I took Daily Mail comments from people angry about a possible Female Dr Who and turned them into episode titles for the new series
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Never trust a man who casually dresses like he is going to help the nazis steal the ark of the covenant.
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"Hey you're that fucking idiot with terrible hair who tricked an entire country into making themselves look like morons"
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The important thing to remember about Novak Djokovic being denied entry to Australia after spending a day in the airport thinking he was more important than everyone else is that it is incredibly funny.
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BIG BEN BONGS NO MORE. TIME NO LONGER EXISTS IN THE UK. CHAOS. NO ONE KNOWS WHEN TO MAKE TEA. WHEN IS EASTENDERS ON. HELP US.
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OK this girl now rules Britain. Those are the rules. There are books about this. Send her to Number 10 immediately.
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"Hey kid wanna be director of communications?"
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I hate to say the boomers were right but I haven't bought a fancy coffee or brunch for two weeks and now I can afford a three bed house.
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France: "We are increasing the retirement age by two years"
The French: "We will drop kick the eiffel tower into the fucking moon if you do"
Britain: "We've made it easier for old rich people to stay rich and if you're poor you can never retire"
Brits: "oh crumbs oh bother"
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Braverman lost to tofu, Truss lost to a lettuce, vegans having an amazing week tbf
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I have ventured to THE NORTH. People keep saying hello to me. There are 3 dogs in this pub. I got change back when I bought a pint. No one has told me to fuck off in hours. I haven't seen a Pret in days. The air is FRESH and this is definitely all a trick to get me to stay.
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Can't believe they cancelled the daily briefing show after one season just because the main characters killed loads of people
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I don't know about everyone else but I think Britain was better off when we had food and could afford heating.
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Which type of Brexiteer are you?
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Fact: David Cameron fucked a pig and now we all have to leave the EU
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Brexit is such a shit idea that everyone associated with it keeps quitting when they realise how fucked we are, just so they can't get blamed for how shit it'll be. How about we sod it off instead of holding a nation hostage because a third of the population got tricked by a bus.
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THIS IS
#EUROVISION
WE DON'T NEED SLOW SONGS. WE NEED WEIRDNESS AND UPBEAT CHAOS. IF WE WANTED TO BE SAD WE WOULD JUST WATCH THE NEWS.
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The sub story has everything. Billionaires. Logitech controllers. A stepson seeing Blink 182. Conversations about what is funny and what isn't. Rescue missions. The Titanic. Orcas.
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The only two ways to reply to emails:
1. straight away within seconds I have no chill
2. "I am sorry it took me six months to reply, I opened it, thought 'i'll do this later' and then had several large crises"
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Reasons to be in a relationship:
1. The other person tells you what dogs they saw that day and you then discuss dogs
2. That's it I think
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Trump: "Immigration has ruined Europe"
France: "Hold our World Cup"
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Dear the royals, we are a sensible people, all we need is a video of Kate with today's newspaper telling us the oscar winners from last night to confirm that you haven't killed her.
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I used Google autocomplete to write a dating profile and it may be the best dating profile ever
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Welcome to Britain. You can't see your family if you have already been in contact with another household but you can meet your family at a wetherspoons at 6am tomorrow to get fucking annihilated because this is an entirely normal country.
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If all famous people can constantly criticise Trump for the next four years he'll be too busy ranting on twitter to kill us all.
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yep can't see uploading an image that can be easily photoshopped going badly
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Your definitive guide to the sports of the 2018 Winter Olympics
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Fuck this. You don't get to spread hate and fear for years and then 'not believe' that people will follow that narrative through. Fuck you.
Cannot believe we're seeing Nazi salutes in 21st century America.
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When the antivaxxers, 5g truthers, lockdown sceptics and statue shaggers were flooding trafalgar Square every other weekend during a national lockdown the police did nothing but its nice to know their limit is women mourning peacefully.
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If you don’t come out of this quarantine with either:
1.) a new skill
2.) starting what you’ve been putting off like a new business
3.) more knowledge
That's perfectly fucking fine you're currently going through a historical event out of your control it's not a bank holiday
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Matt Hancock is wearing an NHS badge and saying how wonderful the NHS is. In 2017 Matt Hancock voted against giving nurses a fair pay rise. Im not making this political im just stating two facts.
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The person at the BBC doing the captions is having a good day
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I'm old enough to remember 3 days ago when Boris Johnson said we were all being too complacent and going out too much.
Boris Johnson urges people to ‘go to the cinema’ following news Cineworld is temporarily closing UK sites
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Men: Feminists are ruining what it is to be a man and making us look like fools
Also men:
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The BBC front page is quite subtle today
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If Sadiq Khan is to blame for terrorist attacks in London wouldn't that mean that Trump is responsible for the rise of white nationalism and mass shootings in America or does it only work when the narrative helps the right wing welcome to my ted talk 'politics for toddlers'
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Terrible to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothings happened to him it's just fucking terrible every time you have to hear about him.
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How to make pancakes the british way:
Step 1: remember it's pancake day
Step 2: work all day because you are a cog in the capitalism nightmare machine
Step 3: Too tired to make pancakes
Step 4: no pancakes for you
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P*ers Morgan, who constantly says people are far too sensitive these days, is on day 1732 of attacking a woman who didn't text him back once
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Trump: Gonna go to London everyone loves me there
London:
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Yeah we all did great
Mental-health crisis from pandemic was minimal, study suggests
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Greggs is broken. A princess is missing. The government won't give us an election. If this was France the entire country would be on fire.
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BREAKING: Weird country that got tricked by a bus applauds its own stupidity.
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If drinks after work isn't socialising but classed as a work meeting then we all have a lot of overtime we need to be invoicing for.
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Terrible to hear about Katie Hopkins. Nothing has happened but just always terrible to hear about her.
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Pretty weird that Boris Johnson was quiet for weeks whilst young people's futures were put at risk but the moment someone says 'oh maybe the british empire wasn't great and we should think about that' he's in front of a camera faster than a blind advisor could get to durham
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"I drove to a castle to test my eyesight"
"I didn't know I was at my own birthday party"
"I accidentally looked at porn after looking for tractors"
The UK Government really are the smartest of us.
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"why can't i sleep" he said whilst staring directly into the light up nightmare rectangle that held the anxieties of every person on the planet
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I needed to update my CV so I did it all through google autocomplete and soon I will have every job
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Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg's cage fight set to take place in 'epic location'
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'Young people are too sensitive' says grown man who punched another grown man because his dinner wasn't ready
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I pretended to be Fact Check UK for a few hours last night for a laugh and was locked out of my account and reported for impersonation. Guessing
@CCHQPress
had similar issues... Nah? Nope. Nothing has consequences anymore? Cool.
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The new issue of MILLENNIALS ARE BAD comes out tomorrow. Don't forget to pick up your copy.
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Prince Andrew says he doesn't have the coronavirus and has never had contact with Prince Charles as he has been self isolating in Woking Pizza Express.
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Guardian: It's a boy!
The Times: It's a boy!
The Telegraph: It's a boy!
Daily Mail: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?!
The Express: DIANA'S GHOST WILL BE PLEASED SAYS ANTI EU PSYCHIC
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This is Monty. Monty just spent the last 10 minutes chasing his tail and now that his objective is complete he's just stood there like a weirdo not knowing what to do with his life.
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There are more Pret A Mangers in London than people who voted for Laurence Fox.
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I AM IN THE NORTH AGAIN. I GOT CHANGE BACK FROM A FIVER FOR A PINT AND HUGGED THE BARMAN. THREE PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW HAVE SAID HELLO TO ME. EVERY PUB HAS SO MANY DOGS. THE NORTH IS BRILLIANT.
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It's terrible to hear about Piers Morgan isn't it? Nothing's happened but it's just terrible whenever you hear about him.
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England: "White background, Red cross"
Scotland: "Blue background, white x"
*Wales giggling wildly in the corner*
England: "Wales what's your flag"
Wales: "MASSIVE. FUCKING. DRAGON."
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In a grunge bar in Amsterdam and this guy is just sitting at the end of the bar in a rage.
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Dogs with human names will never not be hilarious. Dog on the tube this morning barked and its owner looked down at him and said GRAHAM in the most disappointed tone and frankly my day has peaked.
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Looking forward to the new Matrix movie which I hope starts with this tweet on screen for 7 minutes.
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Damn New Zealand being normal, doing things well, having good leadership and nice election results while the rest of us live in disease circus nightmare land
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"Alexa... my heart"
"Playing achy breaky heart"
"No... I'm having a heart attack"
"Art attack is a 90s children's TV show..."
"Alexa my arm is sore"
"New alarm set for four"
"Alexa for the love of fuck call me an ambulance"
"Thank you, I will now refer to you as an ambulance"
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The best thing about the ridiculous Trump balloon isn't the protest itself, its how much its pissing off the right people. The same people who routinely say people are too offended these days, are losing their shit, over a floating bag of air.
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With Glinner finally banned from twitter, let us all remember the only good thing he did for this website
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At least you've never had a night out so rough that you had to phone the Queen to apologise after.
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🚨🚨 | BREAKING: The Tories are set to LOSE 231 SEATS at the next election
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Boris Johnson: Absent for 9 votes on gay rights, voted against gay rights twice.
Theresa May: Absent for 9 votes for gay rights, voted against gay rights 10 times.
Both happy to partner with the DUP.
Get to fuck with this exploitative bullshit
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Today is
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
, as a survivor I wanted to share the one quote that's always helped me.
"You don't want to die, you just want to kill how you're feeling right now."
You are valid, you are loved and help is out there. Be stubborn. Stick around.
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If you ever want to see what the real issues are in the UK simply check the rejected petitions section on the parliament website
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Walking through The Shambles in York the other night I managed to get a picture of it with very few tourists and it may be one of my favourite pictures I've ever taken.
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"Welcome to our gander reveal party"
"Don't you mean.."
"no"
Geese emerge from everywhere. No fireworks. Only geese. There are no genders only chaos.
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If Boris Johnson can look in the mirror every morning and think he is a good person then you can at least give yourself a fucking break and believe in yourself a bit
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If you're just catching up with the internet today here is what you need to know
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Trump would rather start a civil war than say that black people deserve to be alive. Johnson would rather look after his mate than protect you from a pandemic. Stop voting for people that do not care about you.
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Hot singles in your area
Hot singles now control the area
Hot singles have created a perimeter
Holy fuck the hot singles cannot be stopped
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Not sure about you guys but I'm starting to think the government that says nurses don't deserve pay rises and that children should starve may not have the nation's best interests in mind.
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Hello
@Marvel
I can no longer be silent. I demand that you reshoot the scene in Thor 2 where Thor gets the tube. Greenwich is not 3 stops from Charing Cross. I have attached a script.
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At this point Harry and Meghan should just fuck all this off and elope. Go to Vegas, get married by Elvis and just post a picture of them shitfaced in a taco bell with 'fuck the daily mail' written in mayo on the table.
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"I love German beer"
"Please shut up"
"Like Carlsberg"
"That's Danish"
"Heineken"
"Dutch"
"Budweiser"
"Thats you"
"Guinness"
"I hate you"
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