SwiftOnSecurity
@SwiftOnSecurity
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computer security person. former helpdesk.
Cyber, USA
Joined April 2014
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People say we can’t build cathedrals, but put a Middle Ages stonemason in front of this thing and ask which makes him feel the presence of God.
Honestly, this is better than trains. America bodied y’all. Absolute dominance.
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A lot of you doxing urselfs right now based on the eclipse geometry and timestamps that geoguessr guy is going to get your ass
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Open the elevator door and leave because you’re in a foreign country on a business trip getting targeted by the intelligence service or a vendor cartel.
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It’s cool how all of YouTube is funded by lying about the security of public WiFi
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Everybody knows this is how everything works but aren’t allowed to tell you.
Formula 1 chief appalled to find team using Excel to manage 20,000 car parts
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Something I think a lot about is how a salami company moved locations and suddenly all their product sucked. Until they realized a critical part of the curing was some old guy moving the salami between parts in the old factory taking forever. They didn’t actually know the recipe.
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I finally found one of those planes they keep around for people who missed their flight but yell at a gate agent loud enough.
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Kids growing up on iPads means telling people to press Alt+F4 to unlock infinite ammo is going to start working again
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This still fucks me up. Imagine being the first person to know there’s fucking little animals in everything you drink and eat and sexually exchange. I’d lose my fucking god damn mind.
Dutchman scientist Anton van Leeuwenhoek, using a microscope and seeing for the first time a drop of water teeming with thousands of wiggling microorganisms.
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Sometimes I forget this is how everybody in Britain gets their news and then a lot of things make sense
Nothing worse than getting scooped on a big story on your beat
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My father-in-law is an electrical engineer. He is insanely gifted. We were going through computers at Goodwill together years ago and I asked him what it would cost to build a laptop today with all the ports. I will never forget his answer. “We can’t, we don’t know how to do it.”
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There comes a time in every Millennials life when they realize it’s time to throw away the Apple box
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There was a website called StumbleUpon. You clicked a button and you'd get redirected to some random website on the Internet ran by some random person about some random thing or community.
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I’m sorry to announce that “if you had spent 10 seconds on Google” is no longer valid. The minimum time to make Google usable is now 25 seconds.
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It’s a cigarette lighter in my computer so I can blaze
@SwiftOnSecurity
What's the thing next to it that looks like a cigarette lighter from a car?
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You know how the internet is filling up with AI spam generated from mashing together popular keywords?
And how sometimes a combination of words delivers a tactical strike to the dumbest part of your sense of humor and you end up trying not to giggle at work all afternoon?
Yeah.
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Honestly, this is better than trains. America bodied y’all. Absolute dominance.
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I work in IT but I actually have no idea why software developers are in demand. What the hell do all these people even do? There are like 8 websites.
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“Is your product artificial intelligence or just a human overseas getting paid to do it?”
Amazon has announced they're phasing out their checkout-less grocery stores.
The "Just Walk Out" technology, which was labeled as automatic, was actually 1,000+ Indian employees monitoring you as you walked through the store.
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Dog what
UPDATE: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT SUGGESTED USING THE PARALLEL PORT WRAPAROUND CONNECTOR METHOD TO REMOVE THE BIOS STARTUP PASSWORD ON THIS TOSHIBA LAPTOP!
I’ve used paper clips for this and it actually worked! 🖇️🎉
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They posted at 2:23:03 PM CDT with an eclipse parallax of 75.7478 degrees and an occlusion incident of 95% which means they are in this neighborhood of Deputy Falls, Oklahoma and based on the red roof shingles which were only code-compliant in 95-02 it’s this house built in 1998.
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In my hands is my first iPod. Steve Jobs is smiling at me. Everybody at the Apple Store is smiling.
I take off my Apple Vision. I am back in the retirement home. Nobody has visited me for 12 years. I put it back on.
I hold my iPod. Everybody in the Apple Store is smiling.
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UX designers who eliminated the filesystem from user consciousness in name of simplicity ruined the world and are morally culpable for shriveling minds of children who are unable to tackle the challenges of today thanks to a choice rooted in misunderstood advocacy for the user.
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Reminder that if you're out there looking for a male-to-male extension cord - don't do that.
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Periodic reminder just leaving shit unplugged for hours does fix things. Fucking capacitors are everywhere and you have to defeat them.
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God it’s got to be terrible to realize you hate computers but you’re in too deep now because you’ve never actually used a real computer until college
At Stanford, almost one in five undergrads now ends up majoring in computer science. At MIT, it’s 42 percent. CS is taking over academia,
@ibogost
writes, and its newfound power may corrupt:
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40,100 retweets of a quote tweet of a news article link that doesn’t exist, from an account with 80 followers.
Consider how much of the world narrative you injest and accept from passing glance alone.
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You realize that once we have artificial wombs the evolutionary pressure to constrain head size will end and we'll have a line of humans that can't be born anymore right
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Why do furries know everything what the fuck
@SwiftOnSecurity
It’s not an issue. Higher octane allows for more advanced timing which allows for a more complete burn. More power, less emissions. However, fuel quality sensors and knock sensors are two key components to just about every vehicle in the past 10-15 years. These help it adjust.
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Oh my god someone posted to Reddit they just bought a hard drive and it’s making grinding sounds.
They posted a video. It’s the read head moving. They’ve never heard a hard drive before. 💀
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You are slowly realizing it has literally been years, maybe decades, since you ate any meal made without corn.
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ProTip: If you have an on-site interview clear your phone web cache, join their guest WiFi, and see what Reddit brings up as defaults.
Are these the kinda people you want to work with?
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I cannot emphasize enough to my younger followers that misogyny is not edgy it's serial killer shit
Uvalde gunman made online threats to kidnap, rape and kill teen girls, but they went mostly ignored
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If you want to learn how computers really work, study the four hour video about the mathematical edge-cases of how walls are implemented in Super Mario 64.
if you want to learn how computers really work, study Turing machines or lambda calculus
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Menswear guy is powerful because he is immensely read in minutia & born of the forums, and uses his self-evident authority to point out weirdos trying to claim a similar stratum just to shame people, instead of expertly advise them. You’ll see this dynamic in computing and life.
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Error: Your password must contain at least two characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.
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Adobe has an entire section on their website where they get all pissy about photoshop as a verb, and it's hilarious.
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The flaw in pursuing AGI is I don’t want a machine with a fucking opinion
Aside from everything else, Gemini is useless.
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Apple: Sorry we’ve killed off all applications older than 3 years old.
Microsoft:
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Now WikiLeaks is acting all woke about how Trump is going to destroy America.
Shove it up your ass, Comrade.
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At some point you realize singing is the only skill and everything is nonsense. Math will never grant you the Mandate of Heaven. Engineering commands you no souls. Being good at computers is a meme. Everything about your heart is indecipherable from stone. You are not a lover.
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You will never be as cool as me it is not mathematically possible
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Someone once made an insightful comment on how communities become radicalized because those with a temporary problem move on but the actually mentally-unwell fixated people make it their identity.
Aside from 4chan etc, I'm pretty sure r/dogfree has one of the highest concentration of truly broken people on the Internet. It's fine if dogs aren't your thing, but the extent to which some of these people get enraged at the mere sight (even on TV!) of one is deranged.
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You’re going to get humbled continually on extraneous factors you dismiss and realize later you were wrong to ignore. They were an ingredient you didn’t understand. You failed to analyze the situation correctly.
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We used to be a society
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What I like about LinusTechTips is every 4 months they have a video about their new fileserver because the old one isn’t good enough and they’ve been doing this for like 7 years.
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But it pays for videos about trains so keep it up suckers
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Youtube executives don’t ruin society challenge any%
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Fun fact when I was recovering from a TBI the two groups of people there were stroke victims and motorcycle riders, mostly teens. Doing the same exercises and tests to try to recover. Many would not.
In May 2022, Tiktoker Taylor Jean Skromme tragically lost her life in a motorcycle accident. This was the last TikTok that she posted on her account.
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The amount of modern society literally just due to improvements in lubricants and sealants will lube-pill you.
“Why didn’t they do this obvious thing before?”
Lubricants or sealants. The schools are lying to you. Be a chemical engineer. Change the world.
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I think a lot about that judge/lawyer that questioned if zooming-in on a picture with an iPad was forensically-sound. Like, what if magic was happening? Quite a few ridiculed them, but... it was quite an insight on their part to question it. Even if not a real issue at that point
The iPhone camera uses computational photography, applying software to every snap.
This wild photo is an eery example: the subject tries on a wedding dress and each mirror shows her in a different pose.
Why? Apple insider says it’s a “mistake” in the computational photography…
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In my hands is a signed copy of Halo 3. Looking up, Bill Gates is smiling at me. Everybody at Best Buy is smiling.
I take off my Apple Vision. I am back in the retirement home. Nobody has visited me for 12 years. I put it back on.
I hold Halo. Everybody in Best Buy is smiling
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Absolute legend intelligence level y'all think this is a joke
Taylor Swift was in talks to sign a $100m sponsorship deal with FTX.
But then actually asked “can you tell me that these are not unregistered securities?” and the deal fell through.
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Fun fact: Twitter employees used my experiences as a large account to troubleshoot performance issues because I would talk to them and Ariana Grande would just give up. They set a flag for me to submit diagnostic logs and everything. Twitter employees rarely had followers.
So they ended up optimizing Steam well enough to still be used when you have 50k games in your library. Which of course will make everyone else with less than that run better too.
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Canada’s only tech company is shutting down 😔
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You live in a society whose every production industry is based around a government-subsidized chemical feedstock.
Corn is not a _food_.
Corn is a _platform_.
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The right answer to "why did your friend travel out of state" is "my lawyer says I always need to go through them before talking with police please leave your business card" not a conversation where you mental Jedi trick them.
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Google released the .ZIP tld on the world then just fucking left the entire domain business a month later. Not a serious company.
idk how anything Google launches can be taken seriously by anyone at this point 😡🤪
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I'm occasionally asked why Linux is less impacted by malware. My answer: It's largely due to historical factors – and quickly changing. Until Bitcoin, there wasn't much reason to target people who can't afford an operating system.
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Holy shit Microsoft figured out how their signing key was leaked
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The leave Britney alone guy had absolute moral clarity about a subject that would take the rest of society 10 years to even begin to conceive the ramifications of in toxic social media pile-ons against people seen as somehow above human suffering from ridicule
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PARENTS: You need to sit your kid down and tell them about sextorsion. They are not going to know randos messaging them for sexting is a trap.
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That "Google engineer" saying women shouldn't program is trawling for attention for his scam cryptocurrency. There's always a podcast, there's always a newsletter, there's always a con. Their audience is morons and they know how to find them.
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Breaking: CDC says fully-vaccinated people can turn off SMS 2FA, use the same password for everything again.
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When you thought you were a hardcore gangster by closing a bridge in Jersey, then find out all the people in your new crew work for the KGB.
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Literally Arma3 the video game. Half million “views.”
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You think Excel is your ally? You merely adopted the Excel. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see PowerBI until I was already SecEng; by then, it was nothing to me but blinding. The 50 column CSV exports betray you, because they belong to me.
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I swear to god talking to a European about air conditioning is like interviewing a vampire about sun spots.
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I just want you to know that email at its core is something designed to talk with 60 other nerd academics 40 years ago and the fact it is appears to work at all today is the product of the most utterly insane cope bolt-ons in the history of computers and maybe the human species.
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We could have had nuclear reactors running America at infinity % this whole time.
USS Gerald R. Ford's wake currently (left) vs. its wake in the Adriatic (right) last week.
Big girl is MOVING.
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When the company gets ransomwared but you installed Linux on your company laptop
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The NSA watching China hack Microsoft to hack the US to watch the NSA hack China to watch China hack Microsoft to hack the US
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I just took this photo. Nature is healing we are the virus.
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I once made a tweet about how oil lubrication where nothing fucking touches anything at all in normal operations is the craziest physics hack ever because we’d literally never be able to build any real infrastructure otherwise but I can’t find it
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fuck
Atlassian scrambles to fix zero-day security hole accidentally disclosed on Twitter
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Recently got humbled on a core competency. Even in consult with peers they agreed team had not shown my component was a factor in the issue. Including Microsoft. But I should have dug deeper and done full A/B testing. Now I take the hit. Even if I’m explainably justified.
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Hard drives will go down as a lost pinnacle technology we will lose the ability to produce. A literally unbelievable architecture and competency, like mechanical phone exchanges before. At our tech today now, this will increase more and more. You fall now – and you fall forever.
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@GOP
Yo what happened to your "Founders are geniuses who separated powers, Executive has no authority not enumerated in constitution" talk?
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