Mike Bealing
@Sillytees
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Following
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Media
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Purveyor of T-shirts. Hates Brexit & Tories. Yes that’s my real face, yes that’s my real name. Well past my best, and my best wasn't much to write home about.
Deal, Kent, UK
Joined January 2012
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My watch ends at the Noon Day Gun, so I’ll be brief. I’ve spotted no European Roofers this morning and no-one has yet walked up the beach from the Channel and asked for directions to the Benefits Office.
Mike Bealing
Kent Gammon Watch
Deal
Back to you in the
#BBCQT
studio
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“Right Balders, let’s try again. If you leave one trading bloc & it costs you 80 beans, but you join another and you earn 4 beans, what do you have?“
'A significant milestone for UK trade!’
#CPTPP
#GTTO
#SocialistSunday
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Must admit I felt a little low this morning. So I did what I always do in these circumstances and sought out the Dr Hedgeh note. There now! Feeling much better.
Always works.
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“But father, how did we end up like this ?”
“Roof Laws, son.
European Roof Laws”
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Buono Estenté
Ethethethe, Escotti Femalia Sexi Undi vendora, Michel Money. Elácrimos y con PPE escapero a Sailiboat con hubby y millionies o Puntas. Ethethe el habla Boristarty Laura Kuntsy a BeBeCe “Mia no culpabo. Es est Micael Snorty Gove, it wasnae me!”
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
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BREAKING:
Johnathan Gullis turned away from Polling Station for not possessing sufficient Voter IQ.
#GTTO
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I’ll leave it you to break the news to your own children.
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They were three or four deep in places. The Police had to use horses to hold back the throng.
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Pete: I was in bed last night, just about to drop off, when suddenly, 'tap, tap, tap' at the bloody window - you know who it was?
Dud: Who?
Pete: Bloody Mark Menzies, all chained up, yelling “Peter, Peter, I’ve got in with bad men and I need £5K out of Petty Cash, please help”
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BREAKING: Nationwide manhunt launched to find ‘Little’ Rishi Sunak. Last seen in the the cupboard under the stairs at No.10, with his fingers in his ears, singing Ting-a-long-a-loo. Believed to be wearing either long short trousers or short long ones.
#PartygateVideo
#GTTO
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Happy Birthday Richard Madeley. 68 wonderful years of ignorance, bigotry and shoplifting.
Steal something nice for yourself today, Dick.
@richardm56
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“Well I like him. I always say he’s just the sort of honest bloke we need in Government. What do I always say, Roy?”
‘She says he’s a slimy, chinless, pig-fucking, public school twat who lobbied for self-gain and sold us down the river with his fucking Brexit Referendum’
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"In Olden Days they believed if you bought a new phone, all the data & messages would magically transfer across from your old one to the new, like a spirit or soul, passing from one to another. Whereas today, we know phones are inanimate objects. Like trees, or Richard Madeley"
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Bueno Estenté
Ethethethetheh David Cameroon— Elácrimos UK Politico Swindalé Greensilly Lobiesta y "Accidento" Pinky Porky Penisi Poka. Sminky pinky bang é fálio ming di pucco-poco ethethetheth Milio Pátagonia “yer ‘aving a laugh, mate, wot’s he doing back?”
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
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“Nurse! Why is this man here? He’s needs immediate heart surgery. He should be at Boots on the High St. He could be there in 20 minutes if he walks quickly!! (Oh, and they’re doing 2-for-1 on all No. 7 products this week). “
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“Now, Kemi. These Canadians you’re talking to, are they in the room with you now?”
#KemiBadenoch
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Dishevelled, disgraced cunt of a joke journalist accompanied by Boris Johnson.
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"Ok let's try again. If I have Trade Deals with 27 of my closest neighbours worth £670 billion, then I lose all those 27 deals and start up a deal worth £500 million over 15 years with a country 10,000 miles away, what do I have?"
"Some beans"
#Brexit
#AustraliaTradeDeal
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“…and then he said that Brexit had stopped the Russian invasion!…..”
@Jacob_Rees_Mogg
#jacobreesmohg
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“…and then, after all that, he changed his mind cos all the Labour MPs were sniggering at him!!!”
@LeeAndersonMP_
#6BobKnob
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“…and then she said it was because the rain came from the wrong direction…!”
@theresecoffey
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So you can be fit enough for work, but not fit enough to give evidence to an Inquiry. I see. Now I understand. I’ve feel such a fool.
This Minister for There’s Nothing Wrong With You is gonna have their work cut out.
Case in Point.
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I feel such a fool.
I should have seen the signs! We all should!
#RishiPriceMyFirstToolKit
#RishiSunak
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I love the Last Night of the Proms. It’s the night when the Gammonati realise that we are an educated population who love our country, our culture & loved us being part of Europe and are passionate we return. The Gammons then start spouting about traitors. They have no argument.
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One Tory Government
Maj.80, more than fine
One got his willy out
Which left 79
A 79 majority
Is really jolly great
One was caught groping men
Now it’s 78
78 more seats than you
We’re in political heaven
Then one blew a 15yr old
The maj. is 77…
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Greetings from Kent and from 2 Saga-aged folk who will not be voting for
#RishiSunak
#KemiBadenough
#BorisJohnson
or whoever is leading the Tories come election time. Our delightful MP
@NatalieElphicke
can go and do one too.
#GTTO
#GeneralElectionlNow
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I hate this Government with every fibre of my body. I thought nothing could be worse than the Thatcher regime. I was so wrong.
NEW Home Office painted over Mickey Mouse murals for lone children at asylum centre two days ago - after we revealed Robert Jenrick’s order to take down the art as it was too welcoming
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Good day today. Mrs B given the all-clear on her 5th Anniversary of beating ‘C’. Many thanks to Maidstone Oncology
@MTWnhs
for being so fab. Pic shows Mrs B in 2018 on day 1 of her treatment, wearing a pair of hospital strides big enough for us both to get in.
#SAVETHENHS
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Dear
@bbcquestiontime
What about, instead of inviting Farage onto the show again, why don’t you see if you can get this bloke on the panel? I’m sure there’d be a load of questions for him from the audience and maybe he could assist the
@metpolice
? Just an idea.
#Whatsapp
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“…and apparently she’s only 300 metres from me…
Which is nice !”
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Never not worth reposting
This will haunt Sunak. Bravo to whoever put this together.
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"...and so I told him that I'd changed my phone several times since then and that the WhatsApp messages didn't transfer over....AND HE BELIEVED ME!!!"
#CovidInquiry
#RishiSunak
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“…and then they sent ANOTHER Home Secretary to Rwanda…and he signed THE SAME DEAL AGAIN!!!”
@JamesCleverly
#Rwanda
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You know what I hate about that Nicola Sturgeon ? She's a fucking attention-seeker.
@TrussLiz
#ThickLizzy
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“But father, how did we end up like this?”
‘We were doing fine, son. Brexit was a huge success. We’d never had as much money in our pockets. The economy was booming’
“So why did society start to collapse?”
‘Half the Royal Family stopped working. HALF of em! Country couldn’t cope’
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Kensington Palace spokesman says people should prepare themselves for the fact Kate has lost some weight.
And some height.
And that she has taken to wearing a bag over her head.
#Blackadder
@pitchblacksteed
@sincesixaneagle
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Members of the Cambridge University Boat Team gather for a photo before the weekend’s race versus Oxford. Due to hazardous levels of pollution in the Thames, organisers have urged the teams this year not to plop their Cox in the water.
#sewagepollution
#boatrace
@Feargal_Sharkey
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Bueno Estenté
Ethetheth Len Anderton — Elácrimos UK Politico o "Hombre di Popularés" — este en trobularéz. Len ("El 30PesoPrik") resignto com Secundo Presidente son Nästies. Los Popularés dit "Sniggilà Sniggilo Sniggli!" y Len dit "can I 'ave me job back?"
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
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BREAKING:
Angela Rayner hosted Christmas parties in Downing while she was PM and during Covid Lockdown and while thousands were dying around the country, and loved ones prohibited from meeting.
Oh. Hang on…not sure that’s right…
I’ll get back to you.
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“…and so I thought Fuck it! I may as well stand down at the next election as well.”
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🎶That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure makes a Shit Speaker🎶
—Lindsay! — The Musical
@LindsayHoyle_MP
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Looks like I picked the wrong week to stand for The Mayor of London.
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“Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be a 1950s Test Match Umpire”
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“That thing I said would be great, & those against it were scaremongering lefty shitbags has ruined my life & the country & I want us all to be friends & forget that what I wrote was cobblers & you should’t now blame me or my kind for the state of our nation”
By Sarah Vine.
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Who is this prick? At least I know what happened to my dad’s old dentures.
My thoughts on
#SadiqKhan
's disastrous reign as London Mayor and his scam
#ulez
.
#BringBackLondon
🏴
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In an attempt to cheer up the Gammonaderi this morning, here’s a proud, patriotic man fly the flag.
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“It was a time which saw the beginning of the end of Civilisation as we knew it. Proles & Wokies focussed on Genocide in Gaza, the Ukraine War, Brexit, the Rise of the Far Right & Climate Change. But only a few Journalists realised the real threat: a baby being named ‘Lilibet’“
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Suddenly, as if by magic, the Shopkeeper appeared. “Do you have an Admiral’s outfit?” Said Mr York. “I do, but you’re not entitled to wear one because you’re not an Admiral” said the Shopkeeper. “Now fuck off or I’ll tell the FBI where you are”
#PrinceAndrew
#funeral
#admiral
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I'm playing the 'Take a Drink Every Time You Hear of Another Tory MP Standing Down at the Next Election" Game.
It's gonna be a long day.
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My old mum’s favourite at Christmas time :
Minge and Racket
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@WorldofConlon
@Haggis_UK
@BorisJohnson
Prob thought that CNN would give home the usual easy ride that
@bbclaurak
and
@Peston
give him. Imagine letting him be exposed to real journos !
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Bueno Estenté
Ethetheth ethethetheth Len Anderton — Elácrimos UK Politico este desertio El Parti di Tori Corrupto. A Hora minki manki Len y entrante los DERFORMEDUkip. Furioso, Los Popularés locales dit Len "You Fooking Wanker!?"
Sniggilà Sniggilo Sniggli
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
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Me?! A Tory MP !? Left in a room with young men and women and a bucket full of drugs?! With my reputation !?!?
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“Can you see any of those MPs who were sniggling at you in this courtroom today…?”
#Sniggling
#6BobKnob
@LeeAndersonMP_
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When they tell you that you’re too short for the rides at Chessington.
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Nothing to see here…just Tory propaganda masquerading as local newspapers. Probably all right & proper. Nothing illegal.
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Oh dear, Jimmy.
You’re in a Batshithole load of trouble now, mate.
Shame.
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Read My Column in today’s Super Soaraway SUN:
KEIR STARMER STOLE MY GASTRIC BAND
@MrHarryCole
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BREAKING
UK Govt denies ignoring warnings about using the scientifically-proven, dangerously dense RAAB in several cabinets.
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Antisemitic?
I hate Trump & don’t like the Republicans, doesn’t make me Anti-American. Loathe Sunak & his Government, don’t like Tories, but I’m not Anti-English. I despise Modi & his Party, but I adore India & Indians. Love Germany & Germans, just not Hitler.
See how it works?
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Just heard this nasty little berk on
@BBCr4today
, perhaps the first time I’ve heard him live. Hilariously awful. All the debating skill of Trump. No wonder
@RobertJenrick
is so smug if this is his rival for the Nazi vote. What a completely evil little dick of a man
@TiceRichard
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BREAKING:
Richard Tice’s test results are in.
It’s positive, I’m afraid.
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Worth reminding yourselves (as if you’d ever forget) what a grifting wanker this bloke is. Sir Johnny Minge of Dartford bravely took off his shirt for us.
@JohnnyMercerUK
While we just rolled up a sleeve, Johnny Mercer took his top off and brought a photographer.
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“…but then I managed to get the taxpayer to pay my court costs…
Which was nice!”
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BREAKING: Nadine Dorries ruled out of race to replace Lord Frost as apparently she can’t spell EU.
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“So our Rwandan flights actually land in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. They’ll need to take the bus to Kigali. It’s only a day and a half. And they get a discount if they buy tickets on board. Did I mention I’m a heartless robbing cvnt ?”
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I’ve got a spare ticket to see Lawrence of Arabia showing on this forehead on Saturday night. Anyone ?
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