Christian Schneider
@Schneider_CM
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Columnist, @NRO , Author, @1916theblog . Posts at @zerostarreviews . Virginia Tech, Utah, Marquette. Co-Host, @50YearsOfSNL
Madison, WI
Joined May 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
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So after years of work, I am THRILLED to announce my new project with
@ScotBertram
is live. Today is the debut of “Wasn’t That Special,” which is what we think will be the most comprehensive Saturday Night Live podcast in existence.
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"It's time for a CIVIL WAR!" type boys on Twitter who said they couldn't breathe when they had to wear a mask
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Sen. Barack Obama in 2005 vigorously defending the filibuster, which he now decries as a “Jim Crow relic:”
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There's a movement among some archaeologists to stop identifying human remains as "male" or "female" because we don't know how they identified:
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In 2017, 30 Senate Democrats signed a bipartisan letter urging then-Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to keep the filibuster:
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Current controversy at my daughter's high school:
Student calls a black security guard the n-word. Security guard says "don't call me a [n-word],"gets fired for violating the district's zero-tolerance policy on racial slurs. Absolutely insane.
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If Republicans truly believed Nancy Pelosi was responsible for the coup attempt on 1/6, they would have agreed to an investigation on 1/7. They're just taking another bullshit talking point for a spin.
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I am generally against the idea of people filing humorous amicus briefs, but this one from The Onion is outstanding:
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Donald Trump got 46.1% of the popular vote. Mitt Romney got 47.2%.
If
@MittRomney
spent the same energy fighting Barack Obama as he does fighting Donald Trump, he could have won the race (maybe)!
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For years, we've been inundated by smug orders to "believe science" only to find that "science" is entirely negotiable based on political ideology. Well done, everyone.
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Before Twitter, it took hard work to figure out who the world's dumbest people were. Now they just come out and tell you.
As the world reflects on the murder of Alexei Navalny at the hands of Putin, it’s worth remembering that Democrats are actively doing Biden’s bidding as they also try to imprison his chief political opponent, Donald Trump, remove him from the ballot, and ensure he dies in prison.
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I am a small government conservative, but I am 100% on board with forcing shampoo companies to print SHAMPOO and CONDITIONER larger on their bottles. We are NOT WEARING OUR GLASSES IN THE SHOWER.
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It doesn’t inspire confidence that the 1619 project can’t even get the history of the 1619 project right
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"When the looting starts, the shooting starts"
Unless...
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Calling John McCain, whose bones were broken from torture as he voluntarily rotted away for years in a Vietnamese prison camp, a “coward.” Your Republican Party, ladies and gentlemen.
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Republicans lose a national election: "Man, we should have run someone better than Mitt Romney."
Democrats lose a national election: "The whole system must be broken and corrupt and we should start throwing out parts of the Constitution."
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Um, it looked exactly like that at the time?
With the rise of the
#MeToo
movement and the Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew scandals, Clinton’s conduct looks much more like that of an unscrupulous and powerful older man exploiting an infatuated junior employee for his own sexual gratification.
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There's too much internet
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If you had the “Donald Trump spreads racist birther conspiracies about Nikki Haley” ticket, it’s time to cash it in
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So, to be clear, the Madison school district is fighting racism by firing an African-American man who stood up for himself when being verbally assaulted by students.
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My suggestion for any social media platform moving forward would be to eliminate anonymity. Make each user be tied to a cell phone account with a billing name and address and be transparent about who they are. That would clear out a lot of the dangerous elements.
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In 2005, Sen. Joe Biden argued the filibuster was a crucial constitutional tool, and doing away with it “eviscerates minority rights”
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74 million people wanted tonight's entertainment to be a song by Ted Nugent and a dramatic reading by MyPillow guy
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The best part of The Onion's brief is the section that describes what parody is - a look under the hood of The Onion's writing process:
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This is quite the disclosure at the beginning of the column. Someone in the Will household is sleeping on the couch.
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The Wisconsin Supreme Court once again blocks a court challenge to the state's November vote. It is worth reading conservative Justice Brian Hagedorn's blistering decision. Here's a sampling:
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Dude, just build my roads
Transportation secretary nominee Pete Buttigieg: "At its best, transportation makes the American dream possible."
"At its worst, misguided policies and missed opportunities can reinforce racial, economic and environmental injustice."
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The fired security guard is a married father of three. But he's now out of a job because the school board is content to hide behind a "zero tolerance" policy that absolves them of the burden of applying context.
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In 1990, newspaper reader Amy Klobuchar wrote a letter to the editor to express her displeasure over how the paper covered female candidates:
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Went on a college tour with my son today. Tour began with a Native American land acknowledgment ceremony, all the speakers announced their pronouns, etc etc etc. Good way to show potential students and parents your campus has been overtaken by the nuttiest 10% of progressives.
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Wisconsin requires a photo ID to vote.
Milwaukee wants MLB All-Star Game since it's being moved out of Atlanta
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So this box in the airport is well past the security check. If you’ve made it through TSA with weed, you’re home free, right? What imbecile would voluntarily give it up at this point?
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America is simply too stupid to handle a biological threat. We are going to be in our homes forever.
A protest to re-open Wisconsin has grown in Brookfield off Bluemound & Moreland.
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Polling very high among the coveted “people with private hangars who think the poors are gross” demographic
Caitlyn Jenner to Hannity: "My friends are leaving California. My hangar, the guy right across, he was packing up his hangar and I said, where are you going? And he says, 'I'm moving to Sedona, Arizona, I can't take it anymore. I can't walk down the streets and see the homeless'"
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This tweet from April 2020 remains undefeated
America is simply too stupid to handle a biological threat. We are going to be in our homes forever.
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“And the Lord said unto thee, go forth and sell these $60 bibles to help pay off the legal fees thou hast incurred by banging a porn star and having to pay her hush money”
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At the advent of the Trump era in 2017, conservatives held an insurmountable 5-2 majority in the WI Supreme Court. They've now lost the court and two governor's races.
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If only there was some sort of government program where we could take young people, put them in a room and teach them about Cold War era socialism. We could call it “school.”
Younger voters, especially those under 30, have little or no first-hand memory of the Cold War. Their politics have been shaped by Iraq, Afghanistan, the great recession and Trump. Sanders' comments on Castro, the USSR , Ortega etc. just land totally differently with them
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"It's not a fork, it's a metal implement with prongs one uses to shovel food into their mouth"
.
@SecYellen
on the proposed tax which would pay for the Build Back Better act: "It's not a wealth tax, but a tax on unrealized capital gains of exceptionally wealthy individuals."
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"Conservatism" in 2020:
Executive mask orders meant to slow spread of deadly disease: UNCONSTITUTIONAL TYRANNY
President single-handedly rewrites tax, spending laws via edict: AS THE FOUNDERS INTENDED
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Update: The security guard is appealing his firing:
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The people of Utah were so disgusted by Romney's criticisms of Trump they elected him to the Senate in 2018 by a 62%-30% margin
I’m hearing that the Great People of Utah are considering their vote for their Pompous Senator, Mitt Romney, to be a big mistake. I agree! He is a fool who is playing right into the hands of the Do Nothing Democrats!
#IMPEACHMITTROMNEY
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For conservatives, the tragedy of the Trump years is that they have completely atrophied the muscle needed to make arguments in favor of free markets, less regulation, and personal responsibility. And Republicans have lost the moral standing to do so as well.
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@clairlemon
Any teenage girl who dressed up like a covid-mask wearing grandmother to try to buy alcohol
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If you are a young person who wonders why Gwen Stefani is famous, tune in to the Coachella livestream of the No Doubt show on YouTube now.
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Republicans are only pro-life because of all those big campaign checks they get from fetuses
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People in the Capitol weren't crouched behind their desks last Jan. 6 screaming "Big Tech is coming to kill us!"
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Here's the last page, plus a roll-call of who signed the letter - including Amy Klobuchar, Cory Booker, Kirsten Gillibrand and...Kamala Harris.
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Congress typically passes super popular bills at midnight on Friday nights
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Governor mandates masks: IT'S NAZI GERMANY
Governor mandates that private businesses can't require masks: AS THE FOUNDERS INTENDED
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Somebody better warn Brady before he opens the Ark of the Covenant
How would you describe Tom Brady’s Kentucky Derby look?
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"McDonald’s Corp. said it is using $150 million recouped from federal tax-code changes to expand its offering to pay for college scholarships for employees and their families."
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Clearly Cruz wrote both this question and the answer.
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The Onion's brief argues that a "reasonable" reader shouldn't have to be alerted that what they're about to read is a parody. The whole idea is that they are expecting one thing, then have the rug pulled out from underneath them when they realize they have been had.
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For all of American political history, Trump comparing himself to Navalny would be the type of vile, disgraceful comment that would end a politician's career. And yet it's probably the 3,284th most repugnant thing Trump has ever said.
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It’s almost too easy, but if Obama had said “the authority is total” about presidential powers, Sean Hannity would have spontaneously combusted
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Americans: This is a serious time where Congress should get its act together and think about other people.
Nancy Mace:
Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), who was one of eight Republican lawmakers to get rid of Kevin McCarthy wore a shirt with the letter "A" on it: "I am wearing the scarlet letter after the week I had last week being a woman up here and being demonized for my vote and my voice."
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Useful tip: When eulogizing someone in politics, you never have to say you "didn't always see eye-to-eye." Just talk about them as a friend and a person. You don't need to bolster your own ideological credibility.
Joe Lieberman and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but he had an extraordinary career in public service, including four decades spent fighting for the people of Connecticut. He also worked hard to repeal “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and helped us pass the Affordable Care Act. In both…
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He'll have to sell at Bed, Bath, and Bloody Insurrection
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Counterpoint: I do not believe Trump knows what Juneteenth is or has ever heard of the 1921 Tulsa massacre.
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Tim Scott applauding when Vivek called Haley "America last" is absolutely despicable.
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A great deal of the cynicism about the mainstream media stems from the fact that too many people don’t know the difference between reporters and opinion columnists.
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Please replace Hardball with a nightly hour-long investigation into who hacked Joy Reid's blog
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Plenty of time for this dipshit to do his own research on fixing that achilles
Aaron Rodgers calls Chiefs star tight end Travis Kelce 'Mr. Pfizer' during appearance on 'The Pat McAfee Show'
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Oh, and by the way, this case involves a Parma, OH, man who made a Facebook parody page mocking the city's police department. He was arrested (!) and jailed (!!), then sued the dept. for infringing on his 1A rights. The police are claiming qualified immunity.
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"Enjoying Beetlejuice" is my new favorite dirty euphemism
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Welcome back, polio!
Georgia lawmakers introduce legislation to prohibit ALL vaccine requirements for children including measles, mumps and chickenpox.
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In his book about National Lampoon, Matty Simmons discusses the point at which the staff figured out that the closer a satire could come to resembling the thing it was parodying, the funnier it would be. A TIME mag parody had to LOOK like TIME magazine, for instance.
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I don't trust country singers who are in super great shape
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29 REPUBLICANS signed this letter supporting the filibuster while their party was in charge - the same position now held by Sinema and Manchin.
And yet no Republicans were chased into bathrooms and no late night hosts openly wept about how democracy is over.
It's all theater.
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Curious - if a president has the power to force kids back into school, why didn't Trump do it for his last 10 months in office?
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Of the votes already counted in Maricopa, Biden is up 52-46. And the outstanding votes are all early and absentee votes, which are more likely to skew towards Biden.
In AZ, Biden currently leads by approximately 93,500 votes. There were 605K votes cast on Election Day. Trump would need to pull 57.73% of those votes to win. Team Trump says they're pulling 62% in Maricopa County, and 72-80% in other counties. They're projecting a 30k-40k win.
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I think the FCC should regulate opinion columns that have no clue what the FCC regulates
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Reminder that Greg Abbott hammered Biden's mandate, calling it an "assault on private businesses."
Today he ordered that private businesses cannot protect their employees with mandates. (Which is, in effect, a mandate.)
Biden’s vaccine mandate is an assault on private businesses.
I issued an Executive Order protecting Texans’ right to choose whether they get the COVID vaccine & added it to the special session agenda.
Texas is already working to halt this power grab.
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School board prez statement: "As a board, we plan to review our approach, the underlying policies, and examine them with a racial equity lens understanding that universal policies can often deepen inequities."
Just quit with the woke doublespeak and give the guy his job back.
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Republicans taking offense to the lame Barron joke
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For everyone paying $90 for wine, I only have one tip for you: Snoop Dogg Red
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Real Housewives of QAnon
BREAKING: The messy feud between two of MAGA world’s biggest stars burst into public view, when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene called Rep. Lauren Boebert a “little b*tch” to her face on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives.
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Strongly recommend The Devil All the Time on Netflix -it’s long and dark, but Tom Holland is outstanding.
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The price of competing in the GOP primary is saying preposterous bullshit like wokeness is worse than a pandemic that killed over a million Americans
Nikki Haley: "Wokeness is a virus more dangerous than any pandemic, hands down"
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Turns out there is an app on my phone that makes me look old and fat. It's called "Camera."
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Saw my 96-year old grandmother at a funeral tonight and told her I got really sick after my booster shot.
“You’re a wimp,” she said.
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I’ll just write the story now: In the near future, we are going to find some of these anti-woke warriors started shorting stocks of companies they are about to wage culture wars against. It’s turning out to be pretty easy to manipulate the market.
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Look, I know politics is a game and in the grand scheme Trump is temporary. But the internet is forever, and how you publicly react to the president leading cheers to deport a black US citizen is going down on your permanent record.
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While, strictly speaking, I am not nonplussed, I am far from being plussed.
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University of Wisconsin president Tommy Thompson tells the Republican legislature to pound sand
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Again. This 30-year old Sanders column praising Cuba has been sitting in plain sight. Funny everyone has started to care when it’s probably too late.
Gee, look at this "long-buried" 1989 column that I found simply by searching "Bernie Sanders" in . In it, Sanders claims Fidel Castro's Cuba has "no hunger, is educating all of its children and is providing high quality, free health care."
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In order to keep people away from gathering at movie theaters, every cinema has announced they'll be showing nothing but "Stuber"
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History should look back at these Republicans the same way it looks back at Joe McCarthy.
Republican Sen. Josh Hawley says he will object to the Electoral College results, which would force a vote and delay the inevitable affirmation of President-elect Joe Biden's win
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Bret Stephens: "The 1619 Project is a thesis in search of evidence, not the other way around."
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When you set yourself up as Trump's biggest suck-up only to have him back his 18 wheeler over you
Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson blocks proposal to provide $1,200 coronavirus relief checks
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Just yesterday, the school sent this e-mail to parents:
"Regardless of context or circumstance, racial slurs are not acceptable in our schools."
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"X" is like when you have a guy friend that desperately wants to be called "Mace," and you're like, "no, we give out the nicknames here, you're still Dennis"
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