My shiny new book is out today. It was a joy to write. When it felt like this country was going down the pan a bit, it was lovely to remind myself just how many cheerful things Britain still has to offer. Here it is if you want to buy a copy:

I hate it when people insult you on social media, you respond, and they say “ooh, touched a nerve?”. A good reply is “Yes, insulting people will touch their nerves, that’s why you insulted me. The real question is, why was that your goal?”.

RT @LittleBrownUK: Britain is a maze of idiosyncrasies, loveable foibles and outright eccentricities and @robtemple101 aka @soverybritish i….

Imagine ending up at a point in life where you’re sent to prison for chopping down a tree. Embarrassing.

“This is turning into a Wimbledon final we had no right to expect to see” . They do say some strange things.

Really have to feel for Anisimova, brutal to watch.

Not sure how this helps me to “beat the heat” in any way.

Or they’ll say “what’s typing?”.

After 10 years of AI, people like me will say “in my day we actually had to type out our own emails” and youngsters will say “What? That must’ve taken ages?! Your whole working day must have been just typing out emails?!” and I’ll reply “yep, that literally was my whole day”.

It seems every day I get a push notification from a national newspaper or magazine saying “Starbucks unveils new drink!”.

When one of the world’s leading AI systems starts <checks notes> PRAISING HITLER, it doesn’t feel me with a sense of ease about the future.

What on earth is this writer going on about in this Oasis gig review?

In a studio, the outside of the stadium visible through the window. One of them just said “Can you hear that roar? Must be amazing in there…”.

The BBC iplayer “live countdown to Oasis” from Cardiff, with absolutely no concert footage at all, is probably the most boring thing I’ve ever watched.

Newspapers crowbarring Oasis into their articles today no matter what.

RT @SoVeryBritish: Who knows what the little holes in bourbon biscuits are for? Wrong answers only please.

How I imagine Noel Gallagher over the next few months, every time his brother tweets

I wouldn’t say I’m hugely into watching tennis. I could probably name two current players. But there’s nothing more pleasant for me in summer than the sound of Wimbledon on in the background.

RT @SoVeryBritish: I just had a spray of this. I’ve been instantly transported back to 1999. I’m going out with £15 in my Velcro wallet whi….

RT @SoVeryBritish: As today marks the exact midpoint between New Year’s Day 2025 and Christmas Day, what better moment to officially unveil….

People who say “my brother in Christ” and “in the year of our good lord…” also belong in the same bin.