Phil Wang // Insta: @wangpix
@PhilNWang
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Netflix special: ‘Wang in There, Baby!’ Book: 'Sidesplitter' Insta: wangpix Podcast: @thebudpod
Joined May 2009
My new special is OUT NOW on Netflix! Wang in There, Baby!. Look how thrilled I am about it. Streaming worldwide now! 🌏
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Omg you can actually buy the board game from The Queens Gambit 😂
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I actually think Boris Johnson’s rise to power is an inspirational story for little cunts everywhere.
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The apple doesn’t fall far from the cunt.
‘They couldn’t spell Pinocchio if they tried’. @StanleyPJohnson replying to a viewer’s comment that called his son Pinocchio.
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Apparently Loki starts today. Never forget.
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Some people upset about my use of profanity in this tweet. so here it is again.
I actually think Boris Johnson’s rise to power is an inspirational story for little cunts everywhere.
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So dreadfully sad. Sean Lock was one of the best. A rare comedian who could make you laugh like a drain if you’d never seen comedy before or had watched it every day of your life. God damn it.
Comedian Sean Lock, best known for UK TV comedy shows including 8 Out of 10 Cats, dies aged 58
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My real life biological mother just texted me to say she saw me on the news
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Can't wait for the tv dramatisation of this. Benedict Cumberbatch intensely purchasing a wispa bar at Trowell Services.
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Ok. One more time before the year is out. Has anyone seen this man.
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Shoutout to my dad who once broke through his Chinese stoicism to ask me how my girlfriend was doing, found out we'd broken up, visibly crumbled with embarrassment, and never asked me a personal question ever again ❤️.
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Big up my Japanese supermarket for really knowing their inventory
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Look, it’s very easy to make fun of this government.
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Quite the judgement on British food that we’ve only just noticed loss of taste.
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Ahhh what better way to unwind at the end of the day than to stare at this glowing screen reading the thoughts of my enemies.
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The most ridiculous thing about Normal People is that there are *visibly* Asian classmates (you can see them!) and yet somehow Connell and Marianne are top of their class??.
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Wtf. That cartoon therapist assured me our session was strictly confidential
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When i remember there’s crisps in the fridge
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That’s a shame. She loves bread.
Great British Bake Off's Prue Leith gets "painless" Covid vaccination
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Brexit is going to be the fyre festival isn’t it.
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A new cover of Radiohead's 'Creep' was on 6 Music this morning and reminded me of the late great Patrice O'Neal's sensational riff about it
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My @Netflix special is out now! On Netflix. I hope you enjoy. Can’t believe I called it Philly Philly Wang Wang
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Just read a review of Chernobyl that called the bits where they shoot the dogs the show's "most difficult scenes". I mean, fuck me, White People.
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This Valentine’s Day, date like a master, i.e. me. You’re welcome, @TwitterUK (and world) #ad.
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Sorry about Have I Got News For You not airing tonight folks. Something about my shirt being too nice? BBC have a rule about no one’s shirt being too nice. And mine was a doozy. Hoo hoo let me tell you. Linens it was, and a delightful pale yellow. Soft to the touch, yet strong &.
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Hey Nature. Enjoy “returning” while you can, yeah? Haha having a good time are you? That’s nice. Once this is over we are coming back with a vengeance you know. We will finish you. Once and for all. Finito. No no no u go ahead. Reclaim the waters. Looks lovely. Haha Ur done m8.
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Solidarity with burglars who are going to have a really tough few months.
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Lucy in the sky with diamonds was the worst Cluedo guess of all time.
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Finally beginning to understand the power of hashtags on instagram
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Guy Who Just Got Tattoos and Is Already Unsure About Them 🎃👻🕸️
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Truly strange feeling to get a bbc news notification that didn’t make me instantly diarrhoea with sadness.
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Goodbye, ‘Sorry only just seen this!’ Thank you for your years of service.
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The truth is tonight’s Have I Got News For You was axed because at one point Boris Johnson broke into the studio, ran up to me, gave me *the most painful Chinese burn of my life*, while guffawing “your lot like this don’t you. You named it after all. Stop crying”. Horrible !.
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'Stop the count!' I chant, as my mother lists all the times I wet myself at school.
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Remember to vote tactically. Smash through the window, night vision goggles on. Sausages for the guard dogs - good boys. Sleeper hold a volunteer. Forward roll into the booth. Invisible ink - x marks the spot. Rappel up through the roof. Hang glide home.
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God it’s hot. *boils kettle*. Have to cool down. *makes blistering hot tea*. I just don’t know what to do!. *necks piping hot tea*. I’ve tried everything. *starts kettle again*.
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Really problematic behaviour from Alex Horne here. This appalling outburst was unsurprisingly cut from broadcast, but the people must know what kind of man he really is.
How about a #Taskmaster out-take to get you through the day? @AlexHorne and @PhilNWang argue about a word, and we will let you guess why it didn't make the final cut of the show.
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Delighted (de-lighted) to announce that my @Netflix special 'Philly Philly Wang Wang' will be available to watch 🌍WORLDWIDE🌏 on the 10th of August. Only on Netflix™️. See attached image for an exclusive sneak preview of my hands.
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Another attempt at soft boiled egg and soldiers, another breakfast of hard boiled egg and toast strips.
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I never read the books I take on holiday because it’s their holiday too.
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My white mother asked me today why I wasn’t wearing socks. I was. Yellow socks. My own mother.
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When I was 11 my primary school in Malaysia put on an inexplicably good production of Mary Poppins. Was Wang Mr. Banks? Naturally. Was Wang the fattest boy the island had ever seen? Of course! #AStarIsBorn
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The tesco's & sainsburys christmas ads really got to me. you win guys. I will buy food.
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Weird, cos it’s making me a fortune.
“Wang” is a really unfortunate surname.
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“Clap for the NHS!” - me arriving at the sexual health clinic.
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Britain so hot today it might invade itself.
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Miss the days when getting ‘pinged’ just meant you’d had sex with a Chinese guy 😔.
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American comedian before they are famous: yo what even are the minions, like jelly beans made of piss? i wanna put one up my ass.(crowd goes nuts). 2yrs later: yo guys I'm playing zip zip in candy crush the movie this is going to be liiiit!! best crew in the worrrrllldd 😍😍😍.
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Leave me and my red lines out of this I’m getting treatment.
Brexit latest: Wang on endlessly abut your non-negotiable red lines and then accuse the other lot of intransigence.
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I’m 29 today and dark chocolate can still fuck off.
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icymi here is the Chef’s Table I made about Gorj.
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It’s very sweet that even though they both die Romeo and Juliet end up together in the NATO phonetic alphabet ❤️.
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My dreams during a pregnancy scare.
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Exceptional.
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Why do people argue with Piers Morgan online? As if that isn’t precisely what he wants?. Sometimes I feel like I was the only one who learned anything from Lisa’s ‘Just Don’t Look’ song (Treehouse of Horror VI).
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Two households, both alike in dignity, cannot meet indoors in Gateshead.
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Tell you what this lockdown has done wonders for my tits.
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Astonished that Boris Johnson going over for dinner didn’t fix this.
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🎶Antisemites to the left of me🎶.🎶Islamaphobes to the right🎶.🎶Here I am🎶.🎶Stuck in Great Britain with you🎶.
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Me at 12: ughhhh come on when are my balls gonna drop!??. 13: yes!!!! . 29: ok you guys can stop now.
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Every time I hear “or no brexit at all” I cum a little.
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Gotta hand it to Labour’s team. This is some top-drawer trolling
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Hey everyone stop saying “pen” instead of penalty like you’re busy or something.
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Hello new followers. I sure hope you like noodle reviews.
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Why did they blur my face???.
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There are people out there called Tristram. Parents absolutely do not know what’s best for their children.
"Parents know best for their children.". When asked about protests over LGBT classes, Tory leadership candidate Esther McVey told #Sunrise parents should have "final say on what they want their children to know". Teachers are in tears as the row worsens:
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2.5 million views and still no one has reported this guy. Unbelievable . In the meantime listen and subscribe to @theBudPod for more silly stuff.
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I thought the ‘Boris Bounce’ was slang for when you abandon a pregnant girlfriend.
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My relationship status followed by the reason
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Wow. So in the end, the real squid was the squids they made along the way.
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I try to separate the art from the artist. I am an art thief.
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‘Alright it’s not a competition’ - me when I am losing the competition.
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Little posh Scottish boy on my train to Edinburgh whistling a tune. His mum: “Patrick, stop that.” Boy (surprisingly sassily): “oh I’m sorry, am I affecting your DAY?”.
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Cummings coughing right at the end there teasing a sequel?.
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NNNNNNNNNNNEEEEERRRRDDDSSSS.
Covid-19 vaccine more than 90% effective in preventing disease in preliminary results, says drugs firm Pfizer
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