Nick Jack Pappas
@Pappiness
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Writer | Storyteller | Proud Pinoy 🇵🇭 | Sued Trump and won, twice
Los Angeles, CA
Joined April 2009
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Hi, all. I write jokes for TV, but not long ago I was a financial analyst. I had my Series 7.
For those who say Fran Drescher or any SAG-AFTRA member should stop whining and appreciate what they have, let me give you a lesson in capitalism. 🧵
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Tamir Rice was 12 and was killed for having a fake toy gun.
Kyle Rittenhouse, 17, killed two people. Walked by police after killing two people. Got to go home and sleep.
This is why people march.
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Peter Doocy: "This is a president who always talks about the power of our example. Does he own an electric vehicle?"
No, Peter. He just rode Amtrak to work for 50 YEARS.
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Netflix announced House of Cards will end after season 6, so at least a fictional President can be destroyed by sexual assault allegations.
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Betsy DeVos, on cutting funding to the Special Olympics:
"We had to make some difficult decisions."
The Special Olympics cost around $18 million, or about the same as five of Trump's golf trips to Mar-a-Lago.
It's not a difficult decision. It's an evil one.
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This was the vote on Russian Sanctions:
House: 419-3
Senate: 98-2
Today, Trump said he won't impose the sanctions despite a veto-proof majority.
Congratulations, America. Laws are meaningless now.
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If you think Malia Obama drinking rosé at the age of 20 is the worst thing the child of a President has done, just wait until you find out that George HW Bush's son invaded Iraq.
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The Chiefs and Texans lock arms in a moment of unity.
The fans react by booing.
It wasn't the National Anthem. It wasn't even a protest. They booed "unity."
This country is broken.
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I'm that someone.
Someone did this to Melania Trump’s creepy Christmas trees, and it’s all I’ve ever wanted today.
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Alex Jones was allowed to harass Sandy Hook parents for six years with no repercussions.
He harassed Jack Dorsey for one day and was banned from Twitter.
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The House voted 247 to 175 to end military assistance to Saudi Arabia.
The Senate voted 54 to 46 to end military assistance to Saudi Arabia.
Trump just sold 8 billion in arms to Saudi Arabia.
Congratulations, America. The system is broken.
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Subtle reminder that Sean Hannity made 36 million last year. He's the highest paid cable news personality in the entire world.
He can afford any attorney he wants.
He chose the same fixer as Donald Trump for a reason.
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The main difference between Al Capone and Donald Trump is that we've actually seen Al Capone's taxes.
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In another timeline, Hillary Clinton wins. Merrick Garland becomes a Justice. RBG retires. Anthony Kennedy doesn't.
There is no Gorsuch. There is no Kavanaugh. There is no Coney Barrett.
These are the consequences of ONE election.
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Men,
Don't say you have a mother, a sister, a daughter...
Say you have a father, a brother, a son who can do better.
We all can.
#MeToo
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Trump just said we fought Operation Desert Storm in the jungles of Vietnam, but please tell us again which Presidential candidate lacks cognitive functions.
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NRA on teens owning guns: "They're adults! It's their right to have a gun!"
NRA on teens being political: "They're kids! They have no right to have an opinion!"
#NeverAgain
#GunControlNow
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Pete Buttigieg on his sexuality:
"That's the thing I wish the Mike Pences of the world would understand: That if you have a problem with who I am, your quarrel is not with me. Your quarrel, sir, is with my creator."
This is the best response I've ever read.
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Can you impeach a Supreme Court Justice?
Yes.
Will Mitch McConnell impeach Brett Kavanaugh?
Never.
Before we can remove the sexual predator in the Supreme Court, we need to vote out the sexual predator in the White House and their enablers in the Senate.
#ImpeachKavanaugh
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A person with an annual income of $50k pays:
$36/year to subsidize food stamps.
$907/year to subsidize corporate loopholes.
It's not about "taking care of our own."
It's about pitting the lower & middle class against each other as we all pay corporate welfare.
#PublicCharge
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I think the most important detail about Officer Karen not getting her Egg McMuffin is that Breonna Taylor was murdered in her home and no one has been charged.
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Trump Campaign Manager:
"There are many reasons we pulled all our advertising from Twitter months ago, and clear political bias is one of them."
#FactCheck
: Twitter banned all political ads in 2019.
Even their response is a lie.
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Hi
@HarvardIOP
,
Just wanted to let you know that one of your fellows, Corey Lewandowski, just said, "Womp, Womp," when he was told about a child with Down Syndrome being taken from her mother at the border.
Let us know your thoughts on this.
Sincerely,
Decent Human Beings
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Mitch McConnell, one senator of 4.5 million Kentuckians, holds the fate of 328 million Americans in his hands.
- He refused to confirm Merrick Garland.
- He refused to vote to reopen the government.
- He'll refuse to hold Trump accountable for his crimes.
The system is broken.
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Jared Kushner, who has security clearance, has bought and sold as much as $147 million of real estate and other assets since joining the White House.
But, please, Sarah Sanders, tell us again how all these other guys with security clearance are monetizing their public service.
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Consider for a minute that John McEnroe had three children near the end of his career.
Not once in a press conference was he asked how he would explain his anger to his babies like Serena just was.
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Meghan McCain: "The AR-15 is the most popular gun in American. If you take them away, you're going to have violence."
Thank you, Meghan. This is one of the best arguments for why they should be taken away.
#TheView
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Lara Trump said Omarosa's $15k a month hush money would come out of campaign dollars from "small donors," which is terrible.
That money is meant for silencing porn stars.
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Donald Trump literally just wrote that the death toll in Puerto Rico was made up by the Democrats. He is essentially calling the deaths of real Americans a false flag.
Alex Jones was kicked off Twitter for doing the same thing.
Your move,
@jack
.
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Robert Kraft:
- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring
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Dear Trumbull County, OH,
You voted for Obama by 23 points in 2012.
You voted for Trump by 6 points in 2016, a 30-point swing.
Today, GM announced it was closing your plant. Trump's tariffs cost GM $1 billion.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You were conned by a conman.
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The right are upset the Obamas are buying an estate in Martha's Vineyard.
Barack was raised by a single mother. Michelle was raised by a working-class family in Chicago.
Trump inherited his father's money (and lost most of it).
The Obamas are the American dream.
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Chris Christie: "I've told the President that now is not the right time for me or my family to undertake this serious assignment."
His wife is retired.
His kids don't live at home.
He left office with a 15% approval rating.
Even THIS guy thinks it's a bad career move.
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Adam Schiff graduated from Harvard Law School.
Devin Nunes is suing someone pretending to be his cow.
#ImpeachmentHearings
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"When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best..."
- Best Original Song
- Best Animated Movie
- Best Director
- Best Picture
Some, I assume, are good people.
#Oscars
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This is a bold new marketing campaign by Papa Johns pizza:
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Matt Gaetz getting kicked out of a meeting he knew full well he wasn't supposed to be a part of feels like a publicity stunt, but, to be fair, it's also possible he just wandered in there drunk.
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Facebook suspended the personal profile of Alex Jones, so all it took to finally do the morally correct thing was lose 115 billion dollars.
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The government is giving $1.5 trillion to Wall Street.
Not to healthcare, not to childhood education, not to student debt relief... Wall Street.
Poor people die and they don't care. Rich people lose money and they open the floodgates.
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Dear Mitch McConnell,
They're called entitlements because we are entitled to them. We pay social security and are entitled to receive it.
If you mean a "sense of entitlement," then you might be referring to your rich donors who feel entitled to tax cuts.
Sincerely,
Taxpayers
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Trump on Kamala Harris: "Nasty Woman."
Trump on Hillary Clinton: "Nasty Woman."
Trump on Nancy Pelosi: "Nasty Woman."
Trump on Ghislaine Maxwell: "I wish her well."
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Jacob Wohl reported a death threat to the police that he wrote to himself from a fake Twitter account.
He was posing as a gay, Hispanic "diversity coordinator" with a rainbow flag in the profile pic.
Jacob Wohl is the Jussie Smollett of Laura Loomers.
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@realDonaldTrump
Trump is right.
In fact, he should hold a huge rally. All his supporters should gather and huddle together in one arena.
I'm sure everyone would be just fine.
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Presidents don't have to show us their grades. But Trump claimed he was first in his class. He harassed Obama about showing his grades. He says he's a very stable genius.
Trump brings this all on himself.
#SummaCumLiar
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So far, pipe bombs have been sent to the homes of George Soros, the Clintons, and the Obamas.
The dangerous people aren't coming to the border. The dangerous people are already here.
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Two years ago today, Rashida Tlaib was kicked out of a Donald Trump speech in Detroit for asking him if he'd ever read the Constitution.
Now, she's on the verge of becoming the first Muslim woman elected to Congress.
They won't be able to kick her out anymore.
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Dear Alabama,
Roy Moore said getting rid of all the Amendments after the 10th would "eliminate many problems."
The 15th gave the right to vote to African Americans.
The 19th gave the right to vote to women.
Today, vote against the man who would take away your right to do so.
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If your protest angers a misogynist homophobe, you're doing something right.
Be the kind of person who makes Mike Pence leave.
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Our flag. Colin Kaepernick's career was ruined because of their love of our flag.
But, yesterday, the Confederate Flag was in the capitol. Another rioter took down our flag to replace it with a Trump flag.
And nothing.
It wasn't our flag they loved. It was white supremacy.
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I went ahead and circled the biggest national disaster with a Sharpie:
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Joe Rogan is encouraging young people not to get the vaccine.
I think Bill Burr sums up that kind of advice pretty well here:
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Laura Loomer was also banned from Uber and Lyft for being racist, so I look forward to her handcuffing herself to the door handle of a moving car.
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The Mormon church suggested that its female members take a "10-day social media fast."
Only the female members.
So, yes, even powerful men who don't like beer prefer that women remain silent.
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@realDonaldTrump
Translation: The occupant of the White House is willing to let you die because money is more important to him.
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Anthony Weiner, who sexted with a teenager, is currently serving a 21-month sentence.
Roy Moore, who made sexual advances on a 14-year-old, is currently enjoying an 11-point lead in Alabama.
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With Jeffrey Epstein's arrest, one side mentions connections to Trump, the other deflects to Clinton, but one thing is clear:
A lot of powerful men are nervous today.
Take them all down. Every last one of them.
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So, to recap:
Matt Gaetz, as a 27-year-old drunk, adopted Nestor, a 13-year-old boy from Cuba.
A subtle reminder that Matt Gaetz was the sole vote against an anti-human trafficking bill.
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@realDonaldTrump
Covfefe: When you make a mistake, but play it off like you knew what you were doing.
"Trump's entire Presidency was a real covfefe."
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Betsy DeVos:
No education degree
No teaching experience
No experience working in a school environment
Never attended a public school or state university
Never put her own children in public school
Excuse me if I don't give a f**k what her thoughts are on opening public schools.
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Every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.
7 out of 10 sexual assaults go unreported.
Out of 1000 rapes, 994 perpetrators won't go to jail.
We are a country without consequences because people like Trump still blame the victims.
#WhyIDidntReport
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@realDonaldTrump
Even after everything, Trump will never take responsibility.
His Presidency is a failure and that's how it will always be remembered.
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Dear James Comey,
Sorry you felt "mildly nauseous" over swaying the election.
Sincerely,
24 million people who will lose their healthcare
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The occupant of the White House is attacking the American city of West Baltimore.
But wait... didn't he say criticizing our country is unpatriotic?
Send him back to Russia.
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In 2016, Trump told the LGBT community, "I will fight for you."
Now, they're no longer allowed to fight for us.
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Forget Jay-Z and focus on the spin. Black unemployment has been declining since 2010 at a steady rate, but less jobs were created in 2017 than the past 6 years.
And, at 6.8%, Black unemployment is nearly twice the rate of white people, at 3.7%.
Trump has done nothing.
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Anyone criticizing Robert DeNiro's words should keep this in mind:
When you elect a vulgar President, you can expect a vulgar response.
#TonyAwards
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If Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump just did a few more interviews on Fox News, we could have this whole impeachment wrapped up by Monday.
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The Presidency is more than one person.
You don't like Biden? Fine.
But how do you feel about Trump's cabinet?
Would you prefer Mike Pence or Biden's VP?
How do you feel about Trump's Supreme Court?
Personally, I'll vote for anyone that will allow RBG to retire in peace.
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The DOW:
2017 - 19819.78
2018 - 23,062.40
2019 - 28,583.44
- Gain of 44.2%
Median Household Income:
2017 - $62,626
2018 - $63,179
2019 - $63,688
- Gain of 1.6%
Mininum Wage:
2017: $7.25
2018: $7.25
2019: $7.25
- Gain of 0.0%
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The DOW was up 200 before Trump's tweet thread.
It finished at -614.
He swung the Dow Jones 800+ points.
This country elected a man who lost $1 billion dollars in 10 years. He just lost our retirement accounts billions of dollars in 10 minutes.
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The wealthiest 1% hold 53% of ALL stocks. The top 10% hold 88.6% of ALL stocks.
Every dollar these media companies don't give to a writer or actor, they hand to millionaires and billionaires.
When you say actors and writers are spoiled, you're on the wrong side of history.
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Hillary Clinton endured an 11-hour Benghazi hearing.
Chaffetz left his town hall 40 minutes early.
#ChaffetzTownHall
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Five years ago, 20 first-graders and 6 teachers lost their lives to gun violence.
Five years later, Republicans have done more to protect your guns than your children.
#SandyHook
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Paul Ryan talking badly about Trump now is like someone saying they'd run into a burning building to save people after the building has already burned down.
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For the 55% of Americans who approve of Trump's handling of the Coronavirus, I give you a thread of real quotes the occupant of the White House has made.
If you can read through these and still support him, then may God help you, because you won't help yourself.
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Amazing how many people blaming the sheriff's deputy for being afraid to face a gunman aren't even courageous enough to face criticism from teenagers.
#BoycottNRA
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@realDonaldTrump
Speaking of low IQ, Trump didn't even know what the 19 in COVID-19 stood for.
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Strange that there was never a birtherism movement for Ted Cruz, but there is for Kamala Harris.
It's almost as if Kamala Harris and Barack Obama have something in common.
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@realDonaldTrump
I'm not saying the President has to be the smartest person in the country, but it would help if he wasn't the dumbest.
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@realDonaldTrump
Translation: Trump is more worried about his poll numbers than your lives.
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Trump blocked me on Twitter, and I was one of many.
His account is a public forum and we have the right to be there, even if we disagree. (Especially if we do.) But he closed the door on us.
So, we sued him.
Tomorrow, we'll argue to reopen the door.
See you in court,
@POTUS
.
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Giuliani's associates who were just arrested contributed to the Republican National Committee, Ron DeSantis, Rick Scott, Joe Wilson, Pete Sessions, Kevin McCarthy, and many, many more.
The entire Republican party is an organized crime syndicate.
#GiulianiBehindBars
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Marco Rubio, 3 years ago: "I will go through all 50 states to make sure the party of Lincoln and Reagan never falls in the hands of a con artist."
Marco Rubio, today: Trump was just joking about Chinese interference lol
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Dear Iranian President Rouhani,
Just let him build a hotel in your country and he'll let you get away with anything.
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Dear Speaker Pelosi,
Mitch McConnell held Merrick Garland's Supreme Court nomination for 293 days.
Feel free to hold the Articles of Impeachment from the Senate as long as you want.
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@realDonaldTrump
The problem, for Trump, is that the press does report the truth.
The press isn't his enemy. The truth is.
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I'm glad the letter from Trump to Pelosi was written.
It will be a great reminder to future historians and students how nuts this President was.
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Justice Kennedy is retiring.
After Trump was elected, many asked, "What's the worst that can happen?"
This. This is the worst that can happen.
If anyone has any Trump tapes they've been holding onto until closer to the midterms, for the love of God release them now.
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The world we live in: People upset when a black man takes a knee, but unaffected when a black man takes a bullet.
#TerenceCrutcher
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Senator Sanders put an amendment in front of the Republicans to not cut Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security and it was rejected.
Make no mistake. For this bill to live, the GOP is willing to let us die.
#TaxScamBill
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I won't watch
#Roseanne
for the same reason I don't watch Woody Allen movies.
There are enough good people making art in the world that we don't need to support the bad ones.
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Trump just had the My Pillow guy speak.
The My Pillow Guy.
These aren't press conferences to calm the American people. They're infomercials for Trump and his friends.
#StopAiringTrump
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Republicans in Congress today:
"Well, I'm not really happy that the President is a traitor to our country, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices to give rich people tax cuts and control women's bodies."
#TreasonSummit
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“You people with this phony Emoluments Clause."
- Trump, today
We've reached the point where even the Constitution is fake news.
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One thing is very clear this morning:
If any of us had to choose between having a relationship like Chrissy Teigen and John Legend's or a relationship like Melania and Donald Trump's, not a single person would choose to be a pussy ass bitch.
#PresidentPussyAssBitch
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