Natalie Cuomo
@NatalieCuomo
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Comedian. Special on YouTube: Shut Up You Loved It. Podcast: Help! with Natalie. On Tour Now! 💫
New York, USA
Joined February 2019
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Pinned Tweet
I’m not related to Andrew Cuomo! My uncle did sexually harass someone, but he’s not the governor lol
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I’m tired of everyone diminishing my accomplishments because I’m attractive. Am I as funny as Louie CK? No. But do I jerk off if in front of women? Yes…
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How many guys have jerked off while they are driving?! Is this a thing?
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This is the first time in years I’ve gone through a break up without having to cover up a tattoo of someone’s name. Nice. 😎
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My bf just called me telling me that he was about to buy two ps5’s. Yesterday he got mad at me for being frivolous and buying two packs of English muffins from BJs. 🙃
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Sex is fine on a first date but anything else is way too intimate
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How am I supposed to carry a child for 9 months when I can’t even get through dinner with a butt plug in
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My boyfriend is awesome
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Well, hours and hours after searching and driving around in the streets, with an amazing group of neighbors, we found him. His paws are injured but otherwise he’s home & safe ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much to everyone who shared the post and helped us find him
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Just got in a screaming match with two suburban moms in a Trader Joe’s parking lot in New Jersey so yeah, I’m doing just fine
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Buying a gift for my bf’s kid and accidentally spent an hour reading about Dinosaurs at a 3rd grade level at Barnes and noble
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I’ve been quiet for too long. The other night I ordered penne a la vodka on seamless and it came like this. lol. It came to my door like this.
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I sent a guy a nude and he sent me back a video of him singing karaoke. Does this mean he likes me ?
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I accidentally sat on a toilet seat at a restaurant that had pee on it and my first thought was “oh well hope she was hot”
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❤️❤️❤️ I want to tag too many people who’s Twitter handles I don’t know. Today was magical 😎✨
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Skankfest was the experience of a lifetime 🤘🔥 I crowd surfed at a comedy festival!! Ok!!!
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I lost weight when I did coke so technically it was Diet Coke
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Growing up in nyc is a disgusting horrible thing you endure and then wear like a badge of pride that no one cares about for the rest of your life
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My boyfriend painted his wall so I could have a new background for selfies
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That FLORIDA sunshine!! 🌞💫
I’ll be in NAPLES!! At Off The Hook Comedy Club 5/18 & 5/22 and TAMPA!! At Side Splitters Comedy Club 5/21. Tickets at ❤️
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Ever go in a public restroom and you sit for so long that the motion sensor lights go off so you’re just shitting in the pitch dark at a pizza place? Asking for a friend
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Jonah Hill looks like every Brooklyn bartender I regret sleeping with
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This world is a dark place. So be a good fucking person!!!!!!
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I’m giving this Nintendo Switch Lite away for FREEEEEE this Sunday on my twitch stream to a random subscriber!!!! 12pm EST. Super bowl Sunday 2/13 🏈 ❤️ YOU COULD BE THE OWNER OF A BRAND NEW NINTENDO SWITCH LITE ❤️❤️
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The best form of procrastinating is not getting off the toilet even though you’re done
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Stuck in a hotel room all weekend! Hang out with me on twitch! :)
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When you’re dating a comic and you’re having sex but they think of a new joke idea so they have to pull out and write it down
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I swear on my life my therapist just ended our session by going “work it bitch, bye.” And hung up.
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I did a show and this guy came up to me right after I got off stage and I thought he was going to say something about my set and instead he said “can I cancel the nachos I just ordered”
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Me this morning: I need to take a break from drinking
Me at 6:23pm
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New episode of Help! with Natalie coming out Thursday with
@JimNorton
&
@ZacIsNotFunny
@ZASpookshow
❤️
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I fangirled over Joe List on the street while he was walking to a mandolin lesson in Greenpoint BK 4 years ago because he’s one of the funniest comics there is. He’s fantastic. Watch his special.
New special premieres tonight at 9:30 PM eastern. Go subscribe now. It’s good, I promise. Thanks.
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Oh my fucking god someone punched in the window of my car
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I’m colorblind so I keep dating guys with red flags and thinking they’re green flags 🚩🚩🚩
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