⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱ 𝙗𝙞𝙜 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙧 .ᐟ
@NUMBTH3PAlN
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i make coffee. i pretend i'm in love with the idea of being alive. i make a point not to stare at the knives sitting on the counter top by the stove.
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shuffling out of his room. going to the bathroom to dig through the cabinets. shuffling back into his room. locking the door.
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NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THEY 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍 US.
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don’t need help, bear. i got this, aight? why not? you were like, in love with her, carm.
but I want to help you? and fuck no.
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bear. i love you, aight? i just got shit i gotta deal with. ain’t about you. keep your head in the game, maybe go say hi to claire bear one of these days.
do what? you clearly don’t want me around.
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carm. don’t do that.
nothing.
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the hell ya tryna say, carm?
right. go ‘head tell richie everything.
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carm … it’s not. you know that. i just gotta do this, i dunno, ask richie or something.
right. must be more important than seeing your little brother.
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. . . can’t, carm. got shit to do.
you’re always fuckin’ tired. I got some weed. want to join me?
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nothin’ bear. just tired. [ read : sober. against his own will. ]
what’s the grumbling for ?
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Thinking it’s Sugar or — god forbid — Donna, Mikey just mumbles out a weak “fuck off” in his hoarse, barely there voice. He doesn’t want to see anyone. Doesn’t want to face anyone after failing yet again. Doesn’t want to see the disappointment and embarrassment in anyone’s face.
Outside @NUMBTH3PAlN 's room. He wants to see him, talk to him, but he doesn't even know how to face him. knowing it was his gun. knowing he wasn't there for him. He takes a breath and knocks.
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he … he’s not sure. but it’ll probably be worse if he turns carmy away, so … carmy can visit.
he wants to see him, but he doesn’t want to make things awkward. so only if he’s sure.
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alive. couldn’t even fuckin’ do that right. so all of you can relax and quit lookin’ at me like i’m gonna stab myself with my IV if you don’t give me a hug. ” he starts to sweat a little, hands starting to fidget. withdrawals … of course, why not make him feel even worse.
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“ it’s nothing carm, quit overreacting. ” he snaps, his tone as angry as it can possibly get when he’s talking to carmy. which is still more gentle than anything else. “ i just had a moment, grabbed richie’s gun instead of a cigarette. it doesn’t even matter, i’m still +
“ a bad night? ” repeated with disbelief. his eyes glanced around the room franticly, unable to settle on anything specific, especially not on the sight of his brother. “ you don't ... you tried to fuckin' kill yourself, mikey ... ” +
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/ i’ll do replies tomorrow, ive just been feeling like SHIT because i’m sick or smth. gotta get better by next monday bc college starts up again that day and i have to drive 1.5 hours to campus and 1.5 hours back home 💔
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about. ” it wasn’t carmy’s fault. the thought of what mikey’s death might do to carmy was the reason mikey hadn’t tried anything until he literally couldn’t get the void in his brain to stop growing without putting a bullet in his head.
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