Matthew Shaw
@MatthewshawShaw
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Following
5,399
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21,906
SINGING TEACHER. (I DO NOT HAVE A WEBSITE SO PLEASE DON’T TRY TO BOOK ON ANY WEBSITE) matthewshaw @me .com for bookings
Joined February 2012
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I just walked past a person I was nearly married to, traveled the entire world with, lived with for six years. All we said was ‘hi’ in a really polite manner as we passed. 😂😂 HOW FUCKING STRANGE IS LIFE.
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No matter how long you have lived in London and no matter how many times you have fucked yourself up in Soho, you will NEVER know the order of Frith Street, Dean Street or Greek Street.
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used my Student card (cough) in Top Man and she proceeded to quiz me about what I’m studying. And do you know what came out of my mouth? NURSING. Not a clue why I said that. BUT. Guess what SHES studying?! NURSING. THESE situations are why it’s useful to have a Degree in Acting.
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People who bleat on about the importance of mental health who have historically acted like assholes to people need to FUCK THE FUCK OFF.
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I’d just like to be very clear that the ONLY reason
@ThatStephParry
was able to jump from 42nd Street to Mamma Mia last night was because of ME. It’s because I am her singing teacher. ME. It’s because of ME. so I suggest everyone STOPS giving her praise and praises ME. MEEE
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I find it so odd when normal general public don’t put kisses on their texts and then I remind myself ‘oh! Of course! This isn’t a Actor. He’s just the plumber arranging a time to come and fix the washing machine’.
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Somebody said in the shops ‘oh my god, someone smells amazing’ and I knew it was me. I just fucking knew it was me.
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Just heard someone on the tube say ‘I’m gonna try get a session with Matt Shaw but it’s almost impossible. apparently he talks really quickly’ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Guys. Stop pretending you are going to have a great time in Panto. We’ve all been there. And we all know that you are going to be hating your life and every fucking irritating child by show 9...
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Lady on the tube casually eating a whole battenburg cake. Just taking bites out of it. Like it’s an Apple. I will not rest until she’s signed to one of London’s top Agents.
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If I hear one more Joseph song from downstairs, there are likely to be 17 more angels in heaven.
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It REALLY is unbelievable that Musical Directors are not seen as worthy to be included in press releases for MUSICALS. Sort this shit out.
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Every time anyone sings Gethsemane, I hear ‘God, thy willys hard’ instead of ‘God, thy will is hard’. And it makes me laugh. Still.
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There is now a 1.7 surcharge for anyone singing material for the Six auditions. Between now and Monday. I’m going to be like Uber.
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Musical Directors. You can not have a legit that shows belt no vibrato classical no scoop song classical modern 1920s rock song.
If you are going to be that specific, please just tell them what to sing.
☺️
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Do you think Gus the theatre cat ever gets pissed off that they all shorten his name from ‘Asparagus’ to ‘Gus’ ‘cause they think it’s ‘such a fuss’ to call him by his real name? Think he’s ever like ‘Jennyenydots. I don’t shorten your fucking name to ‘dots’ so don’t shorten mine’
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...and I’ve made comments before that I’ve smiled at a Woman and she hasn’t smiled back and that I thought she was fucking rude and now I totally understand why! To me I was just smiling to be polite but to her, I was a 6 foot big stranger who could have tried anything. 😩
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Right then. Who wants some fucking zoom Singing lessons then. 😂😂😂
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I think this whole debate about mobile phones is far less about the actors. Actors are paid to do a job. They can just get on with it. It’s more about fucking off other audience members who have also paid a lot to watch a show and don’t want to be distracted. So STOP.
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Has anyone else been having their last bad meal before their diet starts tomorrow for the whole of Jan so far?
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Well I have to say, whilst you were all watching the ball thing, I was having a lovely time in Asda. It was like there had been a virus that had taken everybody out but a select few. We were all chatting and smiling and buying. Oh, the joy.
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I have never worked at arts Ed. This is odd as I appear to be running a non official post graduate course in private singing for most of their grads. 😂😂😂
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Right. The traitors. What the hell is it? And should it be my Christmas binge tv show and how do I watch it?
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I mean, I suspect that if you didn’t underfund the NHS, it wouldn’t be overwhelmed...
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People who follow loads of people to get them to follow you back for you to then delete loads of people to make yourself look popular are SAD AS FUCK and I really hope you look at yourself long and hard and realise what a sad fuck you truly are.
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Never trust anyone with little teeth, people who wear a kitten heel or those who sing with no Vibrato.
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The anxiety now isn’t about IF things will go back to normal, it’s now about the fact that they ARE going to go back to normal...
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Imagine being one of those people who is confident enough to write ‘I’m on town with a few hours to kill. Who’s around?’
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Well. I am OFFICIALLY A LORD. Name change and EVERYTHING. My lovely
@Seedtime18
got me a LORDSHIP! How has it taken this long to become a lord?!!!!! How?!!!! My FAVE present EVER. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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People need to stop with this ‘you are enough’ crap. YES. You ARE enough. But, sometimes you also have to do a clean triple pirouette on both sides and be able to sing a top B flat on an E vowel as well.
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Sending love to all the AGENTS. The guys who have their own rent/mortgage to pay AND rent on premises/staff costs to pay. Double whammy.
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Schools that allow first and second years to whoop and shout out cast members names during shows should be shut down.
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I’ve just had the most embarrassing moment of my adult life.
I saw someone who I thought was Michael James Stewart. I looked at them. They gave me a ‘what?!’ To which I replied ‘you fucking cunt. Don’t ‘what’ me boy’’
It wasn’t Michael Stewart.
Dead.
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Amazing photo of last years seedtimer
@gabbyparkerr
in the Int tour of Cats.
@Seedtime18
@LdnStudioCentre
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There is a new surcharge. The highest I’ve EVER implemented. Hamilton. IN GERMAN. Yes. You heard me. HAMILTON. IN GERMAN. surcharge for lyrical numbers 40%. Surcharge for any of the Rap Numbers 82%. Yes. You fucking heard me. EIGHTY TWO GERMAN ANGELA MERKELL PERCENT.
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If I was Joseph and my Dad gave me that coat, I’d be fucking raging. It’s a terrible coat and would LITERALLY go with nothing.
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At this rate the children won’t actually need an education as there will be no businesses left for them to work at.
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Dance Attic of full of people who are literally parodies of themselves today. Producers being producy. Choreographers being choreographyish. Actors being acty. And there’s me just being my normal asshole self.
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I think your Priests sticking their Dicks in Children is slightly more contradictory to your Catholic ethos darling.
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SINGING WORKSHOP for 1st years, 2nd years, 3rd years and recent graduates. So. I’m inundated with recent graduates who I can’t ever fit in, so I’m going to hold two day long workshops on 5th and 6th MAY. Message me if you want more details. Please retweet or tag. X
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Anyone fucking wear these and just see what I do to you.
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Things started to go downhill once they closed Blockbusters if you ask me.
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I think it’s a most excellent thing for a show to cast based on talent as apposed to if the general public know who they are. Congrats
@jacyarrow
!!! More of this!!!!
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So.
@LukeByrne095
got me the ACTUAL COAT that Otis wears FROM SEX EDUCATION and I couldn’t be happier. 🥰🥰🥰
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From Tuesday 30th, I shall only be accepting new clients who have seen both part 1 and part 2 of
@inheritanceplay
please email your screenshot of your ticket stub with your initial email. Best, Matt.
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Older people wondering why the 20 somethings find things so hard as they sit in their four bedroomed properties that they purchased for thirty seven thousand pounds…
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Happy pride everyone. Remember, love is love. And gonorrhoea is gonorrhoea. Don’t get the two mixed up. X x
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Peeps. learn the (BIG) Difference between
A) realising that life is hard, gets you down, but you need to get the fuck on with it like the rest of us and stop being a self indulgent little twat
And
b) that you have a mental health issue.
They really are very different things.
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Isn’t it a shame that only people of a certain age will know the scintillating eroticism of sneakily watching EuroTrash on your 16 inch TV in your bedroom.
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I WANT THE DISTRICT LINE DEAD. I WANT IT FUCKING DEAD. EVERY TRAIN. EVERY TRACK. EVERY LEAF ON THE LINE. EVERY STATION. EVERY DRIVER. EVERYTHING THATS GREEN. EVERY SIGNAL. EVERY DOOR.EVERY TICKET MACHINE. EVERY COMMUTER.EVERY TUNNEL.EVERY WINDOW. ALL DEAD. I. WANT. IT. ALL. DEAD.
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As someone who has done one of these Musicals filmed live for TV, I just wanna say it’s SO much harder then it looks to do. I haven’t seen Rent live but I really do feel for them. It’s fucking hard. (And I’m a cunt so you know I mean business if I’m being nice!)
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I teach SO many
@ArtsEdLondon
graduates once they leave that I feel like an unofficial part of the Faculty.
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People earning 90 thousand a year who own their houses, fucked up the NHS, kept their jobs during lockdown and can afford to buy food slamming people on 18 thousand a year who don’t own houses, didn’t fuck up the NHS and can’t afford to buy food FUCK OFF.
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When I don’t know what to suggest for an audition, I’m going to start suggesting they sing ‘washing machines live longer with Calgon’.
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I hope Hamilton do an offshoot musical called ‘& Peggy’ and put it in a site specific tent next to ‘& Juliet’.
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I was told one day I was to kind hearted to be a fucker to people, and yet, here I am, day after day, being a fucker.
#ShareYourRejections
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I didn’t think I’d have to get out ‘Hamilton Female Audition Pack’ quite this early in the year, but, it has, in fact, come out SIX times already. I suspect I’m going to hear how she’s a girl in a world in which her only plan is to marry rich another 6795 times this year....
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There is now a 45% surcharge to sing Firework and a 51% surcharge to sing Roxanne in lessons.
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Oh god. I remember that sinking feeling on Boxing Day right about now knowing I had to go and fucking MD 2 shows. I haven’t done it for 7 years and it still haunts me. It was worse than that ‘sunday’ feeling as a 13 year old. Sending love to all you Panto bitches.
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Imagine being one of those people who is confident enough to post ‘hi! In town from 2-4. Anyone around come and say hi’. I want what they’re taking.
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Well
@RuthlessMusical
is just wonderful. All go see. Act 2 is especially gorgeous. These are the kinds of shows Actors are always moaning there isn’t enough of - so go to the theatre, support it and then there will be more producers willing to produce this kind of work.
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When I say I’m going out out, I go out out. I don’t fuck around. But last night, I think I went out out OUT. A new level of outness. I feel like my insides have burnt and that I have shaved six years off my life.
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1st years should be more careful the conversations they have on busses...
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Reading how many women feel unsafe just simply walking the streets has genuinely shocked me. I had no idea this was even a thing. So sad.
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Yes. And Soap Opera Actors are also paid to learn if. And it tends to be their ONLY Job at the time giving them plenty of TIME to learn it. Sadly, Actors tend to have other jobs that means they sometimes have slightly less time than the paid soap opera Actor.
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What a fascinating piece of theatre
@WastedMusical
is. Excellent direction and musical direction. EVERYONE ALWAYS MOANS ABOUT THE FACT WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH NEW MUSICAL THEATRE, SO, HERE IS A NEW BRITISH MUSICAL. BOOK NOW.
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Well. One of my besties made me a full book of my most horrific teeets. I’m considering sending it to a publisher to print so I can become rich.
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Q - WHY DID THE CHOIR CROSS THE ROAD?
A - TO GET TO THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTING EVENT SO THEY COULD SING WITHOUT ANY RESTRICTIONS.
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I am SO THRILLED about all the love for
@sixthemusical
and SO proud of my Wendy and Andy for producing it. They have been workingTIRELESSLY for the past 10 years. Please all book book book book book NOW!
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Next week, there will be a surcharge for the Female audition pack of Pretty Woman. Anyone wishing to bring this material will pay an additional £16 supplement and may only sing it once.
Best,
Matthew.
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I’m going to start doing a lottery for lessons. It can be a theatrical experience with bunting and confetti a smoke machine and a silver burst Piro at the end
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And green and crimson and purple and gold and cunt and yellow and illuminated pink and twat and red and pink and period and BLUE
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The flavour on Salt and Vinegar Discos is so intense that I actually don’t think I’ve been truly alive until this here moment.
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People really need to STOP being offended by fucking everything. Pricks.
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I really think Kiera Knightley should have more to worry about than if her daughter watches sexist Disney films. One day, that poor child is going to have to watch her mothers Acting on screen and that will fuck her up indefinitely.
Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.
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Who keeps on giving my number out to old ladies called Susan who ‘have always loved singing and want to get better for their church choir’. It’s probably my bloody Mother! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY.
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People need to STOP pretending they are going to have an amazing time at panto immediately.
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Right
@Twitter
it is time to GET RID OF
@realDonaldTrump
HOW CAN YOU LET HIM BREAK YOUR RULES AND KEEP HIS ACCOUNT?! RE TWEET EVERYONE
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Singing cancelation tomorrow at 10am. If you’re planning on singing waitress recall material you BRING ME A PIE.
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I have about 5683 clients leaving shows tonight. Is EVERYTHING closing today?!
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I have been groped totally inappropriately by Women in the past BUT the big difference is that I have never walked down the street in fear that a Woman was going to attack me for just walking down the street. I think that’s the big difference that we need to understand.
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The surcharge today is ANYTHING. wanna sing a scale? 2.7 surcharge. Want me to play the piano? 1.9 surcharge. Wanna knock on my door? 1.4 surcharge. Wanna fucking look at me? 3.5 surcharge. And anyone who overbreathes? £15 on the spot fine. Foul. Mood.
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OH. MY. GOD. My life looks SOOOO fun on instagram!!!!! It’s like I’m actually happy!!!!!!
#blessed
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BACK TO THE FUTURE MUSICAL 1.9 surcharge to sing material sent from the show and a 1.7 Surcharge to sing the 2 rock pop numbers for the show. Best, Ubermatt.
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Clients. Leads. Hammilton. Proud. Makes it worth while me playing the score 687 fucking times.
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You do not want to know how far I’m gonna go when clubs re open.
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There’s a woman wearing white Kitten heels and I want to kick her right in her Slut mouth.
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SINGING WORKSHOP
SUNDAY 28th APRIL!!!!!!
11-5 at Dance Attic, Fulham.
A full day of singing covering Air Pressure, Tilt, Twang, Larynx Positions and various voice qualities.
MESSAGE ME FOR FULL DETAILS. Or email matthewshaw
@me
.com
PLEASE RT
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There are LOTS of 3rd years in the world. Try not to be one who is mouthy and disliked. Cause it gets around. 😘
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So
@Seedtime2020
THURSDAY 19th. FIRST DAY BACK. TWO SONGS. ACAPELLA. SOMETHING YOU HAVEN’T SUNG IN 1st OR 2nd YEAR THAT SHOWS OFF YOUR CASTABILITY DRESSED IN WHAT YOU THINK OF AS AUDITION WEAR. ALSO BRING DANCE WEAR JUST INCASE I WANT TO SEE YOU MOVE.
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I. Am. Not. Doing. A. Concert. On. Friday. It. Is. Not. Me. Singing. Songs. And. Telling. You. Stories. About. My. Life. In. Showbiz. 😂. It’s. a. Singing. Workshop. Like. The. Ones. I. Do. All. Year. That. Sell. Out. In. Three. Hours. AAAGGGHHHH.
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