Rando Fernando Commando From Orlando
@Machovell1an
Followers
3,804
Following
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Media
13,566
Statuses
146,963
My name is not Fernando and I'm not from Orlando. Stop asking
Joined November 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
No.
My content here is not healthy.
It doesn't taste good either.
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All I know is that Betty White and Meatloaf didn't die on Trump's watch.
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"You're not gonna take on the most powerful military in the World with just your AR-15! Reeeeeeeeee! "
"On January 6, two hundred people nearly overthrew our democracy! Reeeeeeeeee!"
- - Same people
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How are we going to shoot knives out of people's hands if we ban the guns?
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What was so "Abhorrent" about what Gina Carrano said?!
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@MaLiKyEEsWoRlD
@BritMartinez
Please!
100% of Culture is geared toward Women.
Can't Men have a minute? Just one?!
Just a minute without listening to "This happens to women too!"
We know!!!!
That's all everyone talks about 23:59:59 of every day.
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I love when the party that boos God starts lecturing about Christianity.
It's the Best Twitter.
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@FlyoutChase
Businesses that can afford $15 per hour minimum wage can also afford to automate, Confused Person
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Ladies.
What's stopping you from looking like this?
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I have a confession to make.
I have been living a lie on Twitter for over 12 years and I can't bear to go on with it another minute.
I must come out.
I prefer oatmeal raisin to chocolate chip.
Weight. Lifted.
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Too many people don't realize that Trump's appeal had nothing to do with Trump.
Most Trump voters are just tired of being screwed in both ends.
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My son took his first managerial position 2 weeks ago and already had to fire someone.
Now that kid's father wants to talk to my son about it.
Talk to your own son for not doing his work FFS!
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@Virgil_Rising
@amalieskram
Jesus H Crikey!
It's a message to people to not give up their own future.
Or if you're trolling, grow better taste.
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Have we tried unplugging the US Government for 3 minutes then plugging it back in???
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The F-15 is the greatest fighter plane ever.
But the F-14 in the USS Nimitz VF-84 livery is the coolest looking fighter plane ever
A naval fighter jet flying a pirate flag on the tail?
Baby! That's icy!
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My favorite part of Twitter is how nobody ever overreacts or gets outraged over petty things
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I got blocked by the Rebooted Wonder Years Twitter account today
What are you doing with YOUR life?
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Has anyone noticed we went from Nationwide employer-enforced vaccine mandates to States lifting mask requirements in just 3 short weeks.
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Whatever you do, don't say "Lori Lightfoot" 3 times in a row.
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@Fifty_ShadesOfD
1) If he isn't looking at you after you've spoken your third sentence about what Braelynne said at lunch, you're talking too much...
2) True love is BJs before he asks.
3) Be his cheerleader not the Opposing Attorney.
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Soft targets
Guys think carrying guns makes them tough. So, what does NOT carrying guns make the rest of us?
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@LakeWAlife
@FreeBeacon
They know it damage is done.
They know the People can't vote themselves out of this mess now.
This is like looting a Target for them.
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@mattbearnest
@FlyoutChase
"We hate big corporations so watch us do everything it takes to destroy their smaller competition"
They're morons
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"AP" Use quotes around the slang term "AP" which originally described an unbiased newsticker that stood in conception as an upholder of Truth and neutral information.
Some people and groups, especially leftists, now use it as a backstop for their subversive commie perversions
Use quotes around the slang term “woke," which originally described enlightenment or awakening about issues of racial and other forms of social justice.
Some people and groups, especially conservatives, now use it in a derogatory sense implying what they see as overreactions.
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Dear Loudoun Co. VA School Officials;
Resign.
It's time.
Signed;
Everyone who knows what you did
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Women;
We love you.
Y'all talk too much.
Signed;
Men
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OK, Dollar General Eleanor Roosevelt.
Why?
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None of my ancestors were cousins.
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Never forget why you are on Twitter.
You are miserable and shitposting makes you feel better.
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I have to ask this:
Who is dumber?
The person that drinks fish tank cleaner?
Or
The person that believes Trump made the person drink the fish tank cleaner?
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You don't.
If she's alone in a bar at 4AM
She obviously burnt her ex's house down with a kerosene soaked printout of the "Hot VS Crazy" graph
You see her sitting alone in a club at 4 am. How do you open?
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My candidates for an all-female flight to Mars.
Lauren Duca
Jessica Valenti
Hels
Better Midler
Joy Behar
Katie Hirono
Kristen Gillebrand
PublicRoad
Kamala Harris
Lena Dunham
Max Boot
Joy Reid
Ana Navarro
I mean. They're all astronauts anyway!
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Women comparing their looks to Kyle Rittenhouse's mom:
Do you seriously NOT know just how cringe you are?!
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One is an actual life-long addition to a man's life.
The other is an expensive decoration that will rot in place over 20 years.
Think hard about it, guys.
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What has Canada ever given to culture?
Mario Lemieux
Rush
End of list.
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@feministabulous
He'll be in a position to determine policy for 1/3 of a billion people.
Fitness for office is a thing. How it is!
Now stop it!
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William Shatner is 90
I cannot process this.
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Name this band.
Wrong answers only
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I know Women hate this, but boys do need a place where they just get to be, you know, "boys", unmoderated by the presence of girls.
Comic books, Pop Warner football, and the Boy Scouts used to be those places.
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Amazing!
A Democrat wins a close race and it's called and over an hour later
A Republican wins one and they find ballots in the trunks of cars on cinderblocks in downtown Phoenix for months!
And everytime, they count 92% for the Democrat! Somehow!
How cosmic!
BREAKING:
#Sinema
jumps ahead of
#McSally
in Senate race after Maricopa County releases more ballot results >>
#Election2018
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Me:
"Taxation is theft"
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Moderately attractive female avi:
"Taxation is theft"
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65 new followers
6 conservatarian blog job offers
3 Marriage proposals.
860 DM requests for nudes.
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I invented a new slur for hairy feminists just now.
"Sisquatch"
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@MaranieRae
More of this needs to happen.
People will realize that their rights of speech/assembly end where it impinges on the rights of others.
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@rachaelmillanta
@NHLFlyers
Psst. Rachel.
This is the kind of tweet where you lock replies to avoid being bodied there.
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@GoodHairBeks
A lot of words for: "I really don't want to go out on a date"
(seriously, do these women know the only Men they are filtering out are the ones they can actually respect...??? 🤦🤷)
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Biden 2020: "Build Back Better"
Biden 2021: "Whoa! Whoa! Lower your expectations"
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Is an AR 15 overkill as a firearm?
Who fucking cares?
Ban it and tomorrow, they'll want to ban. 45 semiautomatic pistols.
Then, next week they'll want to ban 9MMs (too many rounds)
Then, next week revolvers. They repeat fire too.
Not one more inch! Not one!
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In 50 years of life, the hardest thing I have ever faced is to watch my parents deteriorate before my very eyes.
That palpable black fear you can actually feel weighing inside your skull right behind your ears that each time you see one might be the last....
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The man runs a company that mass manufactures one of the most advanced automobiles in production.
Makes a reusable LEO launch vehicle that lands itself.
But we're going to question his decision to fire the "Is this post offensive to gay pygmy wiccans panel" on an internet BBS?
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Some a you girls are better lookin' in your 40s than you ever were in your 20s.
Just
Sayin'
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Time for some game theory:
1) Buy Greenland
2) Call it "Utopoftheworldia"
3) Move all the Progressives there
4) Institute a gun ban
5) Prohibit the consumption of meat (Cowfarts, bruh!)
6) Straight forward from there!
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This is a feature of The Senate, not a bug
2 senators cannot be allowed to defeat what 48 senators and 210 House members want. We must stand with the working families of our country. We must combat climate change. We must delay passing the Infrastructure Bill until we pass a strong Reconciliation Bill.
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@KateZeiss
@themattwalton
We're not going to fight the government or the military. Kate.
We're fighting you.
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We're gonna need some helicopters here.
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I need more of you to join me in not giving a shit if anyone does or doesn't get vaccinated.
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@FreeBeacon
I'd enjoy November's bloodbath
...if it weren't for the problems these people made the last 18 months that won't be fixed until my kids die of old age
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Every morning I pick up a newspaper, a cup of coffee, a fragmentation grenade and a .45 at the Sheetz by my house.
It's pricey, but the gumball machines that dispense pistols at the Walmart aren't always full.
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Anyone who doesn't worship at Jaclyn Smith's altar is just blind!
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If the platoon is short on rations.
What else we got???
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Do the people who won't let their family visit them for Thanksgiving over a vaccination know that they are the type of people everyone was dreading visiting in the first place???
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The Most Beautiful Actress of All Time??
That would actually my wife.
She has pulled off convincing me she likes me for 27 years!
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I’ve observed elections for 22+ years. Honestly, this election was not only fair, it was the most secure, transparent, and scrutinized election in US history. And all done with record turnout during a pandemic. A triumph of American democracy.
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Was he in her space on the airplane, or something???
Woman faces malicious castration charges after allegedly tying her husband down and cutting off his penis.
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*thinks of great tweet*
*traffic light turns green*
*forgets great tweet forever*
-My Twitter Story
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Ladies.
If you catch your husband/boyfriend looking at a younger woman, don't go with the "You know? She's young enough to be your daughter!" bit.
That means NOTHING to us!
Instead try:
"Do you *really* wanna train another one of us???"
That's talking to him on his level.
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"Don't submit to your husband, submit to the State!"
--Feminism, basically
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What if I just want to rent the libs?
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My dad made it back from Vietnam.
A lot of husbands, dads, sons and brothers from many wars didn't.
Remember them.
#MemorialDay
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How do we shrink Government?
Start by rejecting the premise that its function is to make life fair.
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@LibertarianRed1
Hmmm....
One person getting a chance at a life in one hand.
A person who had a chance and, convicted, after full due process of law, of crimes heinous enough to make him an enemy of civil society.
Yeah...
The switch is totes samsies.
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Woman finally decides where she wants to eat.
All future generations of Humankind suffers for it.
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After the prosecution's closing arguments, I think we can all agree that Logic and Reason are the real murder victims.
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There are emotionally stable women?
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"Well... I *was* reading that"
--My Twitter experience
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Your 4th @ is your Bomb Shelter Buddy
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Pro Choice Twitter is proof that Progressives are immoral
Student loan Twitter is proof that Progressives are irresponsible
Climate Change Twitter is proof that Progressives are misinformed
Electoral College Twitter is proof that Progressives are just plain illiterate!
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I'm sorry.
I will not clean up a mistake by murdering another Human Being.
And as a Man, I am speaking up. We don't write off our responsibilities to others by saying "Her Body. Her Choice."
That shit is for pure, unfiltered losers!
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Your 4th @ is your cellmate at Re-education Camp.
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Men.
What is stopping you from looking like this?
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Last Sunday, without my noticing her first, my son saw a little, elderly lady, struggling with a full cart of groceries.
He rushed over and helped her with the cart and load the back of her car. He took the cart back to the store too.
My son! ❤️
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Twitter can basically be divided into 2 camps.
People who don't know what the Hell you're talking about.
People who don't know what the Hell they're talking about.
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"General Soulemani was a freedom fighter and patriot. America had no business assassinating him despite how many of our soldiers he killed"
"Rush Limbaugh deserves to die painfully and suffer in the deepest pits of Hell for the things he says!"
--Same people
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"I love living in a country where I'm free to burn the Flag, because, you know, fuck the people that died for that freedom!"
- Liberals
"If you want to be provocative with you MAGA hat, you get what's coming to you!"
-Also Liberals
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@CasuallyGreg
If the penis wasn't enough of a dealbreaker, the catfishing would be a bit of a red flag.
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Dear people blaming Trump for Everything;
This was never about Trump.
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@amyleblanc
@annbauerwriter
Yes.
The for-profit banks that funded those loans are just punching in zeroes in the principal balance field in their accounting software.
I'm sure their shareholders are going to question the reduction to the asset side of their balance sheets.
Nope.
Next time know the topic
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The Filibuster won the Popular Vote.
So shut up!
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The rule applies here.
The first person to throw is in the wrong.
Gender isn't germane to that.
Second: it might be helpful to remind girls to get real and that boys look at body language too.
"Threat = Threat"
Notice there's no "Yeah but that's a girl" in that math.
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If you're pissed off at Bill Maher for pointing out that there's no moral currency in condemning people who are already dead over History you don't understand, you're really just mad he was indicting YOU.
Cope and seethe while you sit on it until it hatches.
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Sorry I haven't tweeted much lately.
I lost any will to live after seeing Oreo chunks mixed into Mayo on this hell site last week.
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Yeah. Sex is great but have you ever had your back scratched just right?
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