Jordan Tumwesigye
@JTumwesigye
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@ConstellationUg | BBNM (2) | Please follow @ngumokio_ for mentorship related stuff
Kampala, Uganda
Joined June 2012
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
The easiest political office in the world is the one you have not held
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"Our middle class is one hospital bill away from poverty"
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I agree with Samson for a change. Some people grew accents while anchoring news because they saw from older news anchors. Haven't we also noticed that since these news anchors started reading news, interest in news came down? We shall defy anything that reminds us of mediocrity.
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Even those who have refused to leave our club are here mama! Give us a signal, mama
#JuliusMalemaChallenge
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Agreed. Rent around Najjera is now estimated at about 50,000 passions.
Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion
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Me after submitting a digital numberplate to prove that my client is a married man
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Kenyans registering their biometric details with NIRA
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Who’s is the greatest dribbler of all time
🔁 = Jay Jay Okocha
❤️ = Ronaldinho
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Rushing to be home before 7 so that Covid-19 doesn't get me
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I totally agree. Just last month alone, I made 500 names. I used around 150 of those to pay my rent and deposited the rest on the purchase of a new car.
Money isn’t everything. Your name and integrity matter.
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Uganda's what?
Good news: Uganda's favorite journalist
@SamsonKasumba
finally is out of detention 🙏🙏.We thank God always
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The Prime Minister is right. Of late, government officials are enrolling their children in village schools as a way of getting them to pass. All this has been made possible through government's policy of universal access to education. May God bless our leaders.
Rt. Hon.
@RobinahNabbanja
: We are begging teachers also to do their job. Teachers in villages who earn UGX 200,000 make more students pass more than the one's here earning UGX 500,000.
#NBSBarometer
#ParishDevelopmentModel
#NBSUpdates
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Who else has noticed these dubious National Water bills of late?
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The beauty about being paid in Wi-Fis is that you get to teleport to your workplace
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Mitchell Hall students could fly to Paris to build the capacities of their students on how to peacefully co-exist with the bedbugs
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Kampala salons have the most loyal customers. A man stays in Namuwongo but drives all the way to Naalya for a haircut.
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if you want to post "serious things" about AFCON, go to LinkedIn.
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"I think it's only right that we pick Lillian"
The road to Lillian's home:
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Adulting is holding yourself together while everything around you burns
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This whole Tumwine situation reminds me of Daudi Mpanga's words:
"We shall never see the Uganda we want until we develop a central nervous system that enables us to feel each other's pain"
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Now is a good time to drive your Nakawuka 50×100 to work
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So many negative comments which are uncalled for. We should be grateful that she decided to move with both cars. Imagine she had to park one. It would mean more costs to do with maintenance. Our Speaker is very considerate of tax payer money. May God bless her.
Today, Speaker Anita Annet Among arrived at the parliament driving her personal Mercedes Benz s500 which was being closely trailed by a nearly similar model that was recently purchased by the government for her office.
#NTVNews
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The snake
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This is unacceptable! Just close the road for four hours so that the fountain of honour can pass. We need to love and respect our leaders better. Smh
The Japanese Prime Minister's convoy merging onto highway
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University graduates trying to explain what their degree has gotten them
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Someone shares their experience about a place and you call it bringing another person's business down? 😂😂😂. This app. Smh.
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We have a kavera at home that keeps buvera
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Mayiya hii, mayiya hoe
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Marriage is so overrated. Beyond that ceremony, there is endless compromises and having to deal with lies and betrayals. Miss me with that shit.
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You guys, is there anything the Lord cannot do? Is it there? Law Development Centre here I come!!!
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I am still asking myself what is so immoral about Nyege Nyege. I mean there's no torture. No human rights abuses. No corruption. No one shoving you off the road. It is just people having fun and trying to forget how tough life can get.
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"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." — Paul Brandt
P.C:
@BlackRaymie
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salary week is about acceptance. accepting the fact that you cannot afford sauvage dior without having to hide from the landlord for a bit. so, you accept that axe body spray is not so bad after all. acceptance.
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A woman does not leave you on the day she says it's over. She leaves like a month prior and only uses the extra time to prepare you for the break-up.
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Congratulations to all the lawyers who are graduating from the Law Development Centre today. That place is hell and you have all the reasons in the world to celebrate. Well in, guys.
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"We're just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn't the answer"
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I really hate Fridays. The thought of being away from my wonderful workplace for two whole days leaves me quite sad.
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my GOD has never failed me. 2019 has been a horrible year but the news that i am set to graduate from ldc definitely shows that the LORD will always come through. 💃💃💃💃💃
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One of the biggest unresolved contemporary questions in Uganda has got to be whether as a country we appreciated Coco Finger enough for giving us "My Miss"
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Hey guys, I realise that my 🚩 tweets angered so many people and caused a lot of misunderstanding. I wanted to say that I am NOT sorry for anything I tweeted.
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All Kampala men do these days is go around blowing in people's sharpeners
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Someone here has just said that Ugandans have built an intimacy with mediocrity.
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Olimba oja kusamba Europa
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Nze njagala ki Njala bakiyuze. The way he is now positioning himself as a mediator. Take away your ka head.
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Did you know that one of the reasons why the Mr DJ video was revolutionary at the time was because they used a car with a digital number plate?
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Places that don't qualify as dates-worthy (mbu)
1. KFC
2. Mama Ken
3. Cafe Javas
4. Bahai
5. Meza
6. Foodhub
7. Ham Towers
8. Freedom City
9. All beaches
10. Java House
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Lady Advocate could have used a pigeon to communicate her dissatisfaction instead of using twitter
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Why he would sometimes come home and not want to talk to anyone
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I support this move. With the ever biting inflation, it is only fair that our MPs increase their own allowances. These guys need motivation in order to keep making laws for our good governance. Strong move.
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That guy you people are trolling is a whole former Guild President of Makerere University
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Share their thoughts on what? On a map? On a map, you guys?
Share your thoughts on the new map of the East African Community after the admission of DR Congo to the bloc.
Courtesy Photo
#NBSLiveAt9
#NBSUpdates
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It is his role to provide for his children. He should have worked harder before he got his children. As a parent, you can only show love to your kids by watching cartoons with them & then having deep conversations with them.
Imagine this man's children hating him in future for not being so present in their lives to play games and sing for them to sleep.
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Oh no, I woke up after 5 today. That must mean that I am lazy and therefore will never be able to get rich. I am doomed.
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Mad respect to entrepreneurs, man. That stuff cannot be easy. That discipline to keep going even when things are not going well. That hunger to keep chasing your dream. May you get your rewards some day.
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Point me to one disciplined Subaru driver. Just one.
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Tips for LDC oral examinations
1. Genuinely fall sick
2. Walk in with a cannula
3. Wince in pain each time they attempt to ask a difficult question
4. Answer the questions while flaunting the hand with the cannula
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Kahuma is right btw. It takes guts to drop out. Kati for you just drop out and God will bless you. He has a plan for you. Read Jeremiah 29:11 and see.
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Before you post those touching mother's day messages on your statuses, do remember to unblock the intended recipients.
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Young people are not saving because they do not want to. They are not saving because there is barely enough left after expenses.
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"Hello! Had you slept? Okay, I need the details of this case"
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Young lawyers: please increase our pay. We want a decent living too.
Law firms:
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If you haven't posted 2.22.2.22 on your WhatsApp status, please hurry up. The slots are about to get done.
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Are we ready to have a conversation about Kampala massage parlours?
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Fathers rushing back home to watch Choti Bahu with their kids
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The idea is to read more but I fear that the older I get, the less I read. I recall those days I would read a book in a week whilst making notes and reflecting on what the book means to me. Now, I am unable to do that. Anyone else dealing with this?
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When you call home and your wife tells you she hasn't put Royco in the food
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Adam was indeed all about family.
Scientists at Princeton University have reconstructed this 3D model of how Adam, the first human being created by God, might have looked
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Joseph wondering what Potiphar's wife needed from him
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When Kenyans learn that nyanya mbisi rolex has some soup in it
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If your work involves interacting with people, please shower. Please brush your teeth and tongue.
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God is punishing the whole country with this coldness
Reason: We have accomodated Sammie Manini for too long
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You clearly rubbed elbows
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"A vitz is just a boda boda with a roof" is saying his boss will have to understand when he arrives late.
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I used to give my life to Christ at every Scripture Union conference
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This is an easy way of cutting your hair. I don't know why older people of nowadays prefer using barbers as opposed to cutting the hair themselves like our forefathers did. Soft generation of old men this is. Smh.
This barber made a sign of the cross as he started cutting my hair. Ono anina!!!!
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This was me at one of Kampala’s top law firms. Nga bakulaba oyambala masuti naye mama. We were reduced to packing bread and taking tea. Horrible days those were.
Imagine being paid 200k monthly and the nearest place for you to buy lunch charges 15k per plate.
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It is very interesting watching Ugandans in the diaspora accusing everyone here of not doing enough to liberate the country.
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Junior Counsel at Nyege Nyege when Senior Counsel called:
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The president is right though. Patriotism is now an acceptable medium of exchange for goods and services. Just last week I saw a house in Naalya whose rent was 300 patriotisms a month. We just need to shift our mindsets.
President
@KagutaMuseveni
: "Remember that some of us who were serving the country were not being paid at one time. We were working for patriotism only. But in your case, things are easier. You can work for patriotism but also be paid for that." ✍️
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"What should we eat?"
"For you what do you want to eat?"
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"Honey, please don't tell anyone about us. You know how people like to destroy good things. This relationship just has you and me. There is no reason why we should ruin it by telling other people"
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Gwe, one time I spent 8k at a go and guys hoisted me up in the air while chanting “omugaga waffe aze”
Advantage of being upcountry is that in some weeks, you can legit spend only 5k UGX 😂😂😂
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When I'm making a presentation at the anti-simping convention and my baby says she loves me
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“You don’t remember me? I held you when you were 3 months old”
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Why not? We have the facilities. I can personally name 5 artificial football turfs where the different games can be played. Let's go for this.
President
@KagutaMuseveni
has informally requested us to look into the issue of Uganda hosting the African Cup of nations for 2027, this shows the strides we are taking in sports.- Dr. Bernard Patrick Ogwel.
#NBSportUpdates
|
#ChampioningUgandanSport
|
#NBSportThisMorning
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Nathan confronting King David about Bathsheba
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Girl in The Yellow Jumper proves what could happen with Loukman Ali's craft if he gets more collaborations. Wonderful picture. Wonderful story. A glorious day for Ugandan cinema. Congratulations to all involved. The only way for Loukman is up!
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Good luck riding your land in the boda boda free zone
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