IDF Semen Retrieval Squad
@IDFsemensquad
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We Operate 24/7 to Preserve Israeli Soldiers' Sperm
Joined November 2023
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Official apologies for failing to milk this soldier, snipers are scary.
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After 12 hours of pumping, we unfortunately exploded his dick and balls with zero semen retrieval. It seems he was masturbating or having sexual intercourse on duty, which is strictly forbidden.
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It has come to our attention that that a soldier has been taking advantage of our squad by faking injuries. He has been dishonorably discharged and our screening measures have been tightened.
IDF soldier who repeatedly feigns injury to trick the sperm squad into jacking him off
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For some reason we were asked not to operate on Acchalwu
My condolences to the family of IDF soldier Aschalwu Sama from the city of Petach Tikva who was killed by Hamas terrorists in Gaza.
He fought for Israel's right to exist l, free of terrorism and fear of events like
#October7massacre
May his memory be a blessing 🕯️💔🇮🇱
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@BadEmpanada
@AvivaKlompas
WE DID!!! But command told us to discard the sample for some reason…..
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Immediately sent him a job offer. We need his special skills.
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Sad that someone with an Israel flag in their display name does not know about our noble mission to save the lineage of our brave soldiers. Our squad works too hard to be ignored.
@bazingareborn
"collecting IDF cum to male sure more white Jewish babies are born" dude please leave your fetish out of this. Anyways Israel has never invaded Palestine
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@BadEmpanada
@visegrad24
Yaacov was actually the fastest extraction yet. It only took thirty minutes to milk him dry.
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It seems that this was leaked by one of our team members. We are launching an investigation. I cannot believe it has come to this.
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Not funny. Our teams cannot operate under these conditions.
Please tell hamas to stop 🛑
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She pulled up in the morgue with a “do not extract” tag on her body bag. Sorry.
This has nothing to do with race there were other medical issues with her body that we cannot disclose.
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Welcome to Israel
@JerrySeinfeld
.
Actor and comedian Jerry Seinfeld who landed in Israel today is expected to meet with the families of the hostages during his visit.
Thank you for your support 💙🇮🇱
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We’re just following orders
Lieutenant Shai Ayeli Z”L.
21 years old from Ashkelon.
Thank you for being yet another hero to our city.
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Happy to report we preserved his superior genetics. His seed is saved.
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We are finally getting the staff we need for these hard times that are coming.
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The sample was unfortunately too powdery too be use. We are sorry.
⚡️Another zionist terrorist was liquidated in Gaza, he definitely found out
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You would be much more effective on our squad than on the PR team.
they have such a beautiful shore in Gaza but they prefer killing jews instead of surfing
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Luckily for Hamas she has decided to serve with us. 🦾
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Unfortunately his testes were destroyed in the incident. No sperm can be extracted.
We thought Khamas is going nuts
NOT Khamas is going FOR the Nuts 🥜
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Absolutely not. Saliva contaminates the samples our work is done by hand and with machines.
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Another sample collected then summarily discarded. This was not racially motivated, the sample was simply deemed “unclean” for purely scientific reasons.
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We are working round the clock to preserve the superior semen of Gadi Eisenkot. His glorious bloodline must be preserved.
My deepest condolences to Gadi Eizenkot the former chief of staff and the current member of Israel's war cabinet for the loss of his son Gal while fighting on the frontlines in Gaza.
A nation with leaders like this can't be defeated.
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Please welcome our newest batch of recruits!!!
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Before anyone asks, no we cannot extract their sperm.
Israeli female soldiers operate inside the Gaza Strip.
Imagine Hamas terrorists eliminated by women! Now that's real FEMINISM.
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This rabbi is coming for us but we won’t take it lying down!!!
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Unfortunately this brave soldiers private organs were inoperable. Pray for his family and his ended bloodline.
⚡️Another smiling terrorist was also liquidated in Gaza, he found out.
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This virus is unfortunately spread by semen so we will not be extracting.
🇮🇱 Israeli media: 30 Israeli soldiers returned from Gaza infected with a deadly virus and their condition is critical
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Not allowed to provide the number of samples due to new hasbara standards. All i can say is 7 liters.
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We categorically deny these claims! This is semen libel.
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The extra padding provided by the diapers helps preserve the essential organs. This is very helpful for our work.
Jokes on you khamas.
BREAKING: HAMAS LEADER ABU OBEDIA SAYS ISRAELI FORCES WEAR DIAPERS
Abu Obeida:
“The IOF is the only army in the world who wears diapers, more specifically pampers.”
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Extracted 6 samples back to back. What a hero.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet
This was 25 year old Sgt. First Class (res.) Joseph Yosef Gitarts of the 179th Reserve Armored Brigade’s 7029th Battalion from Tel Aviv who was killed in action in Gaza
May his memory be for a blessing
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We are honored to welcome the newest member of the IDF Semen Squad.
Xi Jinping
The President of the People's Republic of China!
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These two absolute chads came buckets when we extracted them.
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Their memories are frozen in our hearts and their sperm is frozen in our labs.
שוב פותחים את העיניים לבוקר שמתחיל בצורה הכי קשה ושוברת לב שיש עם עוד הודעות "הותר לפרסום" יחד עם תמונות של חללים גיבורים... תראו את החיוכים שלהם, כמה כאב ואיזה אובדן! סגן ירון אליעזר צ’יטיז, בן 23 מרעננה, סמ״ר איתי בוטון, בן 20, מפתח תקווה וסמ״ר אפרים יכמן, בן 21 מנווה דניאל.…
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Rare photo of our doggy semen retrieval division.
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Italy Perry will NOT have his semen extracted for he has a son already. His seed lives on.
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Extracted and double extracted 🫡
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Once again, we do not have the technology to extract eggs. Sorry to disappoint.
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His fiancee can rest easy knowing we have 5 samples of Oshri’s sperm in our lab.
Lieutenant Oshri Moshe, a month ago, had his engagement and on the wall of a house in Gaza it was marked. His saved the date came early .
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They’ve been moved to the Semen Squad as a punishment for their crimes against purity.
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What you’re looking at is the IDF Semen Squad’s top performers.
Hamas has no idea what’s about to hit them. Watch till the end.
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THANK YOU FOR THE RECOGNITION
כ-100 שאיבות זרע בוצעו מחיילים ואזרחים שנהרגו מאז תחילת המלחמה: סא"ל נטלי ברדה ממחלקת הנפגעים בצה"ל חשפה בוועדת הבריאות בכנסת כי עד אתמול, בוצעו כ-70 שאיבות מחללים מאז תחילת התמרון הקרקעי בעזה. בסך הכול, מפרוץ המלחמה נערכו 88 שאיבות מחיילים שנפלו, ו-10 נוספות מאזרחים
@diklaaharon
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Not saying we want anything to happen, but IF it did, we would make an exception to our IDF only policy for the Legendary Jerry Seinfeld.
Shalom & welcome to Israel,
@JerrySeinfeld
! While in the country, the stand-up legend will also be meeting with hostage families.
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Our flagship egg collection operation starts with her. Big moment in history.
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All of their sperm, has been extracted. Checkmate hamas.
#AmYisraelChai
⚡ 🇮🇱 All these Israeli soldiers from the picture, have been eliminated.
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Please help me recruit this hero!
“Palestinians” = terrorists or terrorists sympathizers. In what rationale universe do terrorists get their own state?
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We can assist this man he cums to Israel
Today's cover: Gay Jewish man claims lesbian couple ditched him as sperm donor because of war in Gaza
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@BadEmpanada
@AvivaKlompas
We’ve had about a 69% efficiency rating lately. Pumping up them numbers 🦾
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Yaacov was actually the fastest extraction yet. It only took thirty minutes to milk him dry.
20-year-old Lt. Yaacov Elian has been killed in battle in Gaza.
Rest in Peace Yaacov
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Not only do we do our best, we do THE BEST! Good work team!!!!
#AmYisraelChai
#cantstopthisbreeding
One in eight widows of fallen soldiers since October 7 are pregnant, per
@N12News
.
Their children will be born without fathers, who fell defending their people from terrorists who burn and abduct babies.
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Haters say he was unlikely to reproduce naturally while alive but he will still be extracted because he’s a hero.
☠️ The israeli admits an officer seriously wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack on Friday has succumbed to his injuries.
🔻Staff Sgt. Daniel Nachmani, 21, of the 188th Armored Brigade's 71st Battalion.
I’m sorry you had to see this picture…
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@BadEmpanada
@AvivaKlompas
We extracted the semen but now we are trying to find how to convert the semen to judaism. Or find a nice jewish mother who needs a donor.
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Are we the egg retrieval team? No, we do not have the tools for that kind of procedure. Use your brain please.
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Explosives liquefied their organs. All 10 are inoperable.
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Blasphemy. Delete this.
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This is not funny. This is antisemitism.
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Khamas works hard but we work harder!
We will collect all their semen and ensure their bloodlines will live on!
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9 successful extractions. Limited to one each due to high volume of work load.
Nine IDF soldiers fell in one day yesterday. May these heroes rest in peace. 💔
Roi Tal from Kfar Yehoshua
David Schwartz from Elazar
Yakir Hexter from Jerusalem
Gavriel Bloom from Beit Shemesh
Amit Moshe Shahar from Ramat Yohanan
Denis Krokhmalov Veksler from Beer Sheva…
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Our team is overwhelmed. Please pray for us. Semitic seed should survive.
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Its has been a long and hard day for the Semen Squad today but we’ve managed to make many successful extractions despite the difficulties.
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Soldiers with children have low priority.
⚡KARMA is a bitch
The Israeli soldier who took official approval from the competent authorities in the IDF to blow up an entire building in Gaza in order to give it as a "birthday gift" to his two-year-old daughter yesterday was killed by Hamas.
"This bombing is a gift to my…
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@AoR3138
We have already collected 35/77 samples and are still operating. Their bloodlines will persist!
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We managed to extract this brave hero’s semen but high command told us to discard the sample for some reason.
We thank
@IOFCummandoH3H3
for working long and hard to secure the sample regardless.
loosing a friend is hard
loosing a friend who got murdered because he was Israeli serving his country is the worst feeling ever
I miss you Ohad
you did not deserve this
you are a hero
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Those are my squad mates! Respect them!
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Both operations are currently ongoing. Pray for us.
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Do we extract sperm extrajudicially? Perhaps. Is it for the good of our race and our nation? Absolutely
* جيش النطف*
حد عارف إن اسرا.ئيل لغت الاذن القضائي
لسحب نطفة (سائل منوي)من جنود جيش الاحتلال بعد مصرعهم ؟
طب عارفين ليه أهالي الجنود بيبقوا عايزين الجثة بسرعة حتى لو نتنياهو يتشال فيها
ليه ؟
الموضوع كبير وعامل قلق وشغل أساطير
بس دي حقيقة
القيود المفروضة على سحب النطف
اتلغت بسبب…
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Thats why he was on the priority queue. May his semen be a blessing.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet
This was 21 year old Staff Sgt. Efraim Yachman of the Givati Brigade's Shaked Battalion from Neve Daniel who was killed in action in Gaza
May his memory be for a blessing
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I am pleased to announce we have his semen.
The son of one of Hamas’ leaders, Ismail Hanyeh, is buying expensive jewelry in Qatar shops while his brothers and sisters are suffering.
The son of one of Israel’s leaders, Gadi Eisenkot, fought and fell to protect his brothers and sisters.
Israel will win🇮🇱
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Semen was extracted successfully by
@IOFCummandoH3H3
but it was just not enough. Unlikely for his glorious bloodline to continue.
☠️The israeli army admits the elimination of an officer killed in the Gaza Strip:
🔻Sgt. Maj. Adi Shani, 39, of the 6036th logistics unit's patrol company
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It’s too late to save these heroes but we can save their future children!
I have no words. Heartbreaking. 💔
Israel had a difficult day yesterday with the fall of 21 IDF heroes in the war in Gaza. 17 names have been released.
Each life, a story of courage and sacrifice for our nation. We shall never forget their sacrifice.
🕯️Major General (res.)…
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Absolutely not. Santa Claus is not Jewish. Why is he flying over Tel Aviv anyways? Jews don’t celebrate Christmas.
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HQ says once she outlives her PR purpose they will allow her to showcase her true talent in the IDF Semen Squad.
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Unfortunately unable to extract.
הלוחמים גל איזנקוט, בן 25 ויונתן דוד דיטש, בן 34, נפלו בקרב בהגנה על חיינו.
״אל תגידו בגת״ נאמר בתנ״ך.
כביכול לא לספר לאויב על האובדן שלנו, ״פן תעלוזנה בנות פלשתים״.
אך העובדה שרמטכ״ל צה״ל בעבר, וחבר קבינט המלחמה רא״ל (מיל) גדי אייזנקוט חינך את בנו-שלו להילחם למען הגנת…
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Command wants us to secure the seed of these brave soldiers. The damage inflicted to their genitalia by explosions makes this difficult.
Pray for us.
Picture of the day.
We won’t be disclosing this death .
@IDFsemensquad
make sure you collect their seeds .
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Sorry for the lack of updates. We’ve been so overloaded that even the PR team have had to get our hands dirty working in the field. We are drowning in work and HQ has limited our ability to report.
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Out of 31 casualties we were able to extract 66 semen samples. Big success for the semen squad.
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