Humphrey “Hump” Gudfach
@HumphreyGman
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GIRL DAD. Best NHL Bettor in the Midwest. Former WS of Poker Champion. White Sox & Bears Season Ticket Holder Since ‘03. Have Never Missed a Belt Loop
Joined January 2024
Been trying to capture this midget on campus for the past 3 years. You better believe I’m gonna get her one day.
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Applied for a job at the rec center a couple weeks ago. Got an email saying the position was filled. Get here today and they are training a guy with down syndrome. This DEI shit is out of control.
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Do I have an internship? Nope. Do I make the best sandwiches in town? You better fuckin believe I do
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Brotha ate the whole fuckin thing. Poor kid
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@shyhungalphaa Lick my big fat hairy balls Watashi. Get a better look at them on my other post. Put them on my buddy’s pizza lol.
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Yeah dude just go ahead and plop down like a gay boy in the middle of the walkway. Sip your smoothie while you’re at it too. Why are Ching Chong’s so clueless
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10am exam tomorrow. Closest I could get to drinking a beer for this country.
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Shoutout to the minority that just drove 35 mins in 0° weather to deliver this white boy some food. Don’t wanna hear shit about how dirty my bong is
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Roommate told me he was “toward the back of the bar sitting at a table.” Walk up and he’s sitting with 6 huzz. Good for the kid.
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@GoKnicks2028 Roommate also has $0.02 in the account from making some dumbass shit like this and thinking it’s hitting.
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Nothin worse than a běåñer walking up to the TouchTunes and starts playin 42 Dugg. Leave the led zep on you uncultured swine
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@JohnDadof7 Hey John not to burst your bubble here but I woke up at 5:30am, worked a 6 hour shift, and am currently en route to the gym. Some of us just want it more. Also beat off twice already.
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Shoutout BigXthaplug for getting me right last night
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Just hit 500+ LinkedIn connections. Will be hitting the local rooftop bar for a couple pitchers at 12:30 if anyone wants to join.
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Currently 0/8 on “we gon keep making eye contact or are you gon holla at ya boy.” Moral of the story: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
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Life is so much better when the Chicago Blackhawks are on top of the NHL
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Just found this in my camera roll. Might take 30 showers today
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@msutrustees This was his 3rd time doing that shit. Also spilled half his water bottle and didn’t clean shit.
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Decided to buy a good boy when I was fucked up last night. Welcome to the family Dexter
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Running a cover 4 tonight. Got them walking single file boy are they in for a night 🧑🏿🦲
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@LugnutMike69 Shut ur dumbass up. You’re buddies probably call you guppy you little fat fuck.
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The SEC mind couldn’t even begin to comprehend what this shit means to me
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Smiling through it all. Can’t believe this is my life. 162-0 is on.
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Potential dox but roommate threw a 2x4 through our window last night. Tf did he think was gonna happen? Nice going @TibbetDan
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Throwback to Humps night out with Caitlin Clark. Miss u buddy.
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I’ll take one piece of that milk chocolate mama
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Who wants to gather some funds and franchise a Jersey Mikes in Iowa City.
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Flowers and coffee cake to the wife’s family’s Easter. This better get me laid
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I bet none of you are having a better Tuesday night than I am 😂🫵🏼
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FAG wearing these at the bar. Told him I wanted a pic bc I was interested in Pit Vipers and wanted to send a pic to my mom for her to buy. #SHRINK
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Ladies and Gentlemen. Your 1st Place Chicago White Sox
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How to make $500 in 2 hours . Hour 1: DoorDash for 60 minutes and make $30. Hour 2: Make a +1700 parlay and put $30 on it.
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Which way are you looking bozo 😂😂
Bro. What you not gonna do is talk shit about my people. You look like you still got ya Christmas Tree up.
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Turning the light off on a random kid taking a shit in the bathroom has quickly become one of my favorite methods of fuckery.
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Time for a shower! Who knew they made such good holders for beer cans?
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I always save a gift to open on the 26th. White boys on top
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Can’t understand a word my teacher from Congo says. Auburns gonna win the football game!
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We need paper towels back in bathrooms. These stupid ass blow dryers don’t fucking work! #EarthDay.
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Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. That body of yours is absurd
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So sunburnt I can’t even shower. Just washed my butt, balls, and armpits in the sink. Pops used to call that one a #mexicanshower.
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God bless the United States of America. Happy New Years Eve
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Idk how to describe this shit but girls wearing sweatpants over their gym shorts with them barely showing and the top being the same color gets me hard every time. Especially if they’re tan.
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Shoutout Pavan btw
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Just got a raging urge to take a shit right out of the shower
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Back to school today. NFL Playoffs Saturday & Sunday. Inauguration and the Natty Monday. 21st Birthday Tuesday. Vegas on Friday. It’s only right that I’m staring at a can of miller on my way back. Sending prayers to my nose, brain, and liver.
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Place randomly just started smelling like a skunk?? Just a little weird idk why
Amish bowling lanes with $5 pitchers on a Friday night? You bet.
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Headed to the Ozarks next weekend. Would be a blast but it’s lookin like I’m not gonna be able to buy any beer. Fuck
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Aced my final at 3. Large bucket at 5. Quite the Tuesday for Hump
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The goodest of good boys. God I love this guy
Decided to buy a good boy when I was fucked up last night. Welcome to the family Dexter
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I live bet Texas Tech -11.5. If anyone just saw that jank ass layup he chucked with 2 seconds left and missed just know I will probably kill myself tonight.
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Fit for tonight. Starting the new year right @cdejean23 #kellllyyygreeeeen
God bless the United States of America. Happy New Years Eve
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There is just 0 fucking reason to be waking up at 3:58 in the god damn morning
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“Hump stop pissing in the sink” “oh hump just piss in the toilets “hump stop getting so drunk”. Shut the fuck up. Give me 2 vodka sodas and I’m gonna piss all over your bathroom
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How the fuck are you Mexican AND WORK at Chipotle but you still can’t fold a burrito.
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Sick fuckin neon orange yeti backpack brother. Hope you’re getting all the attention ur asking for
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Went from sticking my bubblegum under the table during class to sticking my 6mg peppermint zyns under the table during class. Time sure does fly when you’re having fun.
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First day of class? Yeah right. -8° you bet my ass is skipping that shit and watching Chino vs Mater Dei
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