My dear followers, I ask you this morning for a shot of squirrel-tail elixir: Please visit my timeline and retweet your favorite letter from me to the Mrs. It will only take a minute, but it means a lot. I'll have 81 million by morrow. https://t.co/VLDppuWDsU

Dearest Jill, One of the Green Hair Brigade hath struck a mighty blow upon our foe! Retired Private Mick Foley, of the WWE Concusion Company, hath called the Orange Commander a meanie-head and re-retired. We now encamp in eager anticipation of their white flag of surrender! GJB

Dearest Jill, I fear the enemy's Orange Chieftain hath caught wind of our spy, Pam Bondi. He chafes at her idleness, unknowing that her true duty is to bide her time till his command doth wane. We stand in need of a diversion. Does Sawbones Fauci have any extra dysentery? GJB

My Dearest Jill, We have summoned The Cowboys to drive off these troublesome Indians. Certain fellows in the green-haired Brigade would keep them near, but I’ll not abide another dispatch claiming dysentery hath seized my telegraph, demanding I send gift cards forthwith. GJB

Dearest Jill, Bad tidings, We schemed to place Captain Mark Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, behind enemy lines. We shaved his identifying locks for disguise, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon: Continue to play dumb– it should work, tis our usual composure. GJB

Dearest Jill, Bad tidings, We schemed to place Captain Mark Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, behind enemy lines. We shaved his identifying locks for disguise, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon: Continue to play dumb– it should work, tis our usual composure. GJB

Dearest Jill, Bad tidings, I fear. Captain Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, is beset by our foe. We schemed to place him behind enemy lines by shaving his identifying locks, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon: Continue to play dumb– tis our usual composure. GJB

@unusual_whales Dearest Moby Dick, You'e after the Orange Ahab. Let me know if you need my Green-hair Brigade. Cant reckon how many of them swim, but I'm sure you can swallow a few and take them with you. Have them back in three days, we've got a battle planned with Chief Runs with Scissors. GJB

Dearest Jill, Happy Halloween! Do you believe in Merlin? I stumbled upon a magical quill and in a SNAP it will write things for me, even things I don't know about. I dubbed it the autopen and I get in trouble if I complain about where it writes. They take away my pudding. GJB

@TheProjectUnity @icamewithfire Dear Jay, Twas many a night of war that I laid pen to paper. Yet, my army numbers were meager. The people behind the picket fence hold great power. Power to contain the greatest civil war general of all of the times. Now, begging your pardon, I must retire to bed -Autoquill

Dearesr Jill, Trump 2028? I awakened to the sound! The sound even a dog-faced pony solider recognizes. And I was bound to react.

Dearesr Jill, Trump 2028? I awakened to the sound! The sound even a dog-faced pony solider recognizes. And I was bound to react.

Oh poor woman with 1.9 million followers. Try fighting a Civil War and having less than four score and twenty... who scored? Was it the Chiefs?

Dearest Jill, I bid the camp adieu. Like any great military leader I fell on my sword. It hurt. Don't know why people do that. Not sure how long my shuffle back will take. I do know: God Bless America God bless its future And may these next years be golden GJB #Inauguration2025

Dearest Jill, Tis my last day in camp. Cookie made me my favorite breakfast, pork jowls and ice cream. The black smith, I think his name Leon, shoed my horse for my ride out. The Green-hair Brigade has shed many a tear. Sgt. Buttigieg volunteered to make the horsey sounds. GJB

@GeneralBiden Our Dearest General, We will all miss you constantly causing the world to laugh. And we will miss your most excellent camp reportings about the fine Squirrel Elixir. When you are next sitting around the kichen table with CornPop, please always remember how you were such a

Dearest Jill, Tis my last day in camp. Cookie made me my favorite breakfast, pork jowls and ice cream. The black smith, I think his name Leon, shoed my horse for my ride out. The Green-hair Brigade has shed many a tear. Sgt. Buttigieg volunteered to make the horsey sounds. GJB

@catturd2 My Dear Cat, Did she take Sawbones Fauci's squirrel-tail elixir? GJB

@TheBabylonBee Dearest Bee of Babylonia, The Green-hair brigade says they are heard see via the TikTok gazette. I heard them. Like fingernails on the chalkboard. If they stop printing this periodical will they fill it with fingerpaints instead? I can fingerpaint a mean rusty razor! GJB

Dearest Jill, I've begun packing my chest. Tis been a long, brutal war. The Green-hair Brigade has been kind. They've brought me their university loans to burn to stay warm. Sawbone Fauci has brought me a keg of squirrel-tail elixir, a whole week's supply! My eyes are misty. GJB

@GeneralBiden YOU sir, are the peacemaker our country needed to heal our problems. God bless you!