3rd year of thanking @cher for the best Christmas song since All I Want for Christmas is You

This has been the longest week of Elmo's life.

The Holidays were invented by Pzifer to increase lipitor sales Idk how I'm going to make it through this antipasto season unscathed.

I hate when chatgpt uses my past against me... I KNOW Greek dressing isn't the best choice with IBS, what are you my mom? Just give me the recipe.

Changing my tune on celery it's so flavorful

No one prepares you when you limit your social media apps, you succumb to drinking 3 glasses of wine and "clap" reacting 2nd degree connections on LinkedIn

Me in Trader Joe’s on a Sunday trying to get to the butternut squash Mac and cheese

Never anticipated having to mute the word "tylenol" but here we are

if you say the words “wow I have a busy couple of weeks ahead of me”, even in your own head, every single one of your current Libby holds will descend upon you all at once like wolves on a limping deer

Feeling kinda like civil war ngl Except when you log off it feels like a perfect day at the end of summer

Soooo.... back to the president being a p3dophil3...

I can't see anything about the Jonas Brothers and not think about the time Kevin randomly appeared in a scene with Kathy Wakile's ugly husband

i’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “omgggg congrats sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone i haven’t spoken to in 5 years

literally no one has been able to explain this to me.

I love how when Trump goes five days without openly violating the U.S. Constitution we just all assume he passed away

people who started adderall as a young child: “it stole a part of my soul which will never be returned to me” people who started adderall as an adult: “everything i have and everything i am is granted by the blessings of my daily meth”

So after two decades of dating brooding sickly Victorian orphans, she’s marrying the first guy she dated who’s happy and fun. There’s a lesson there.

A royal wedding 😭

Microdosing fall by making soup and chili b2b

The universe really saves my most hectic weeks for my follicular phase and for that I am grateful. Iykyk