Eli Xanning (Alpha Male)
@EliXanning27
Followers
1K
Following
10K
Media
301
Statuses
2K
Blue Collar, Meat Eater, Drinking class, Kappa Box Slayer, Pastor
Joined October 2022
I’m a freshman at penn state and just took mushrooms for the first time. Should I shove my face into this pot of boiling water?
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Letting the Josh talk.
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Burnerverse, this is my girlfriend. Is there anything I need to know? I don’t want to be in a Lily Lang situation.
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Espresso martini? Holy shit wait until these girls find out about cocaine.
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Painted a poor girl’s bathroom red last night. No one will ever love me.
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All the girls I try to buy drinks for keep asking the bartender for an “angel shot” instead. Wtf is that?.
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Sorry for the recent inactivity. The Gia Duddy leak has completely consumed my life. I haven’t showered or eaten in days.
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Did y’all hear about the KD who slept with her boyfriend’s dad?.
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Taking an adderal and trying to learn a whole unit of accounting is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done but also the the most alive I’ve ever felt.
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I’m nannying this summer and we go to the water park most days. Sit by pool, rip zyns all day, and college baseball is on. Might pursue a career in this.
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Gonna Alix Earle myself today and say the n word 50 times on twitter
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Pre KD date party fuel. (Yes I like bud light, no I’m not gay)
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@HoonCranker Mary Kate had the dog in her. She stayed where she was. Lily lang and capocci both fled.
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Was trying to get a girl to come over and called her a n*gger. She’s not answering.
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Both Tennessee and Alabama have become total Yankee shitholes. Go to Arkansas LSU ole miss or Georgia if u have the brains.
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Sorry for the inactivity. The girl in my bio class that I’ve never talked to posted for boyfriend day and I’ve been drunk since.
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“We gotta lock in”. -Eli Xanning to his parents after they saw his mid terms.
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@R0bertGriffinIV Much batter with a Mexican beer and a lime. But still worth it with a light beer. Enjoy.
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Can’t sleep because I’m thinking about how many parents probably read the cringey texts I sent their daughters on my iPod touch back in elementary school.
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Drinking isn’t helping me feel better. Suggestions?.
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I have prayed for Donald Trump multiple times today! Have you?.
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No I’m not going to the alpha phi date party. The aphi in my bio class forgot to ask me.
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@valoush36649 Sometimes I get mad that I don’t have a hot girlfriend (I don’t have a gf at all) but then I remember I would never want to date a girl who finds guys like this attractive anyways.
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Some Ol’ geezers card declined trying to buy condoms this morning. No I didn’t spot him. If I can’t get laid no one can.
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Lily Lang, Mary Kate Cornett, and Nikki Capocci should all move to L.A. and start a podcast.
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@OwnByFordy I love old bay so I enjoy it with light beer. But with Mexican beer and a lime it’s stupid good.
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No more TikTok’s. No more designer outfits. Get off social media. Act like a football coach. Saban was never “buddies” with his players. Just. Play. Football.
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I’ve discovered better music on this app than any other platform. Drop a tune if you’d like.
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Out of all the presidents I would probably have sex with Kamala.
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Got really wasted and sent an unsolicited dick pic last night.
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Has anyone ever burnt their mouth on womps so bad you developed a blister with fluid on the top of your mouth? My friend wants to know if he should go to the doctor or not.
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How it feels to be a “tap in” burner in the “shrink the game” era
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@Jeffrey_McJeff @JudgeAlanKing That’s crazy!! Can you send me the link when she drops it just see if it’s real?.
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Everytime I drink I ask a different girl to formal. I think I have 4 girls expecting me to take them.
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Lane kiffin is so quirky and unorthodox. He says “party in the sip!” He does things his own way because he’s different!! Come to the sip!. START WINNING FUCKING FOOTBALL GAMES OR GET THE FUCK OUT.
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6 beers and her instagram story like button is calling me.
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