I'm gonna open a shop where people can come in and just scream into a pillow and then leave.

I thought I'd leave these here. Just in case, hypothetically, the new potential owner of Twitter decides to bar videos critiquing billionaires and the system that enables them.

Inflation Rate 🇪🇺: 10.9% 🇩🇪: 10.9% 🇬🇧: 10.1% 🇮🇹: 9.4% 🇪🇸: 9% 🇮🇪: 8.6% 🇺🇸: 8.2% No. Inflation is not going up in the U.S. because the working class got a $1,400 check 19 months ago. Multinational corporations are jacking up prices worldwide.

Just coming on here to let you all know that I thought the Billy Joel lyric was: “when will you realize the pian’a waits for you.” 🎹

This is genius. Italian singer Adriano Celentano released a song in the 70s with nonsensical lyrics meant to sound like American English—to prove that Italians would just love any American song. And it was a hit.

My 2 yr old saw a long, narrow stretch of concrete and said “a river!” So. Maybe we need to leave LA.

At this point, Elon Musk's predictions for his own technology all sound like a six-year-old trying to brag about how strong his dad is.

Annnnnd I need to get these costumes for Archie & Crouton

This week, The Alarmist (@SmithRebe) talks with actor and comedian @DreeAndree about the toddler who fell into an exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo resulting in the death of the Gorilla Harambe. Should we really be keeping animals in captivity?

TONIGHT!

My husband is notorious for not screwing lids on things. Today I took one of those things and shook it. HARD.

Talking about nail polish with my 2 yr old: Me: and sometimes I like to wear no color. Her: and sometimes yes color?

Here's a fun thing: Take your first name and then go fuck yourself.

@DreeAndree NEW YEAR, NEW BOOKS! I'd love your help spreading the word to get my students new books for the upcoming school year!

Anyone else arrange their child’s toys in a way that makes sure all their little faces are showing because on a subconscious level you believe that inanimate objects have feelings?

Having a two year old is having them say their ear hurts enough times that you take them to the doctor only to find out it’s been pretend ear hurting.

One fly can really ruin it for me.

Let’s all agree to call this one “un petit surge.” You know, just to help calm the panic while still acknowledging the bump?

Update: this cookie is phenomenal and I’ll never be able to recreate it

Ok, huge improvement here, but I need you all to know that I looked up a recipe, skimmed the ingredients and then poured everything into the bowl by eye, measuring nothing.

Toddler: I need some water! Parent: Ok, here’s some water. Toddler: No! No water! Parent: Ok, no water…(puts it away) Toddler: I NEED SOME WATER!