@heynibras
I have spent the longest time only acting like that
I think it’s a mix:
- alonetime doesn’t feel better
- can’t even slightly offend people
- don’t know I can have better social experiences
- fomo, something might still happen
@QiaochuYuan
Idk but I think it’s an important difference between you deciding to ignore your own bs
or someone else saying they feel justified in ignoring your bs
But anyway I’d be careful with assumptions
Feeling your body is the move?
And nobody else can do that for you
Oh. Yeah, we don’t need sex to give ourselves permission to be an animal
to feel our bodies
to make weird sounds
to be rough
to be wild
to be so cute and cuddly
to be f*cking intense
to be really really weird
It certainly helps to feel wanted when being like this, very freeing
what i have experienced:
- outwardly friendly but poking where it hurts
- saying mean things to me and behind my back
- doing mean things
- treating me carelessly
- subtly putting me down
Talked with my dad about tpot
So hard!
He doesn’t have a good feeling about it…
He doesn’t believe that people in a group would just end up organising events several times a year just for coming together and having a good time
Dating discourse feels stuck to me
People keep discussing hypothetical scenarios
And people tell their opinions about what’s ok and what’s not
Feels like engineers talking about engine problems, imagining what those could be
Meanwhile individual *people* are driving cars
last night i cried my heart out cause i don’t get to give enough love 😢
now how to solve this?
hello 🥺
i love u ❤️
look, if each of u take some, this is gonna clear out nicely:
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
i have long wanted to draw/paint self-portraits, and i recently started this one, also getting back to drawing with a pencil/graphite, which i hadn’t done in a while
so here we are
more maybe to come
i‘m actually not having a particularly good time at jesscamp
of course there is some fun stuff
and seeing people is nice
but i am disappointed
and feel strangely disconnected
heyo dear ones,
i took a step - a gofundme 🌈
in 11 days i will be going to NEW YORK city! 🌆
and to make the most out of this 10-day-trip and also not be broke afterwards i wanted to invite money to enable this - believe me, i will be so happy 🥹
Lovelies, I need advice
How do I get closer to others?
😶
The thing is that I get very afraid of my own thoughts and feelings about them; I mean that the negative judgements and feelings I have will stand out and tell me it’s safer to not interact much or try and open up
>
@sonikudzu
I‘d guess that you could take the way they were used to using screens also as a symptom of what their family experience was like in general?
@sonikudzu
Yeah, my guess is a bit that screen addiction comes as you don’t have other things in life that are more interesting/joyful
What I think this is would be good emotional connection experiences with people (parents?)
Ime you can be nice and chill and not emotionally available much
I’m scared to disappoint people
I’m scared to disappoint people
I’m scared to disappoint people
Cause I feel like I won’t get support if I say “I can’t do this”
Like ultimately my parents would say “Come on”
Will you still love me even when I’m not in control of myself
in one way or other (i don’t think i have done mean things, and also not said mean things to people’s faces, but i have surely said things about people/girls/women that would have hurt them
FREE VOICE OFFERINGS!
I have 444 followers now 🥳
and I do voice stuff.
DM me if you are interested in one or several of the following:
- feedback/a “voice reading” (rec, vid, call)
- questions for reflection
- exercises for spec. goals
- answers to spec. questions you have
never ask a person to abandon their desires because of you (well, or for anything else, for that matter)
you can, however, ask for what you want
it’s tricky, because some will feel compelled to please you over themselves
and then they become resentful
what do?
My therapist got perceptibly stumped today when I told her all I have left to do for my Bachelor’s degree is finishing ONE CHAPTER of a thesis and I’ve been fighting with myself over this and considering just not doing it
I didn’t wanna admit it:
I’m not okay.
I’m hurting, and I’m overwhelmed,
and I’m ashamed of being stuck and apparently not able to solve stuff on my own
@this_is_silvia
Oooh makes me wonder
I think I had some curiosity about people … but my guess just now went: what if the things I was interested in about this person were too taboo
haha i’ve taken to calling myself “such a good girl” internally now when i put away my dishes in the kitchen before going to bed, and now every time i wanna be able to call myself a good girl again and i do the dishes
Turns out it feels stifling to have a housemate in the room next door who doesn’t feel good about you
It’s a big hard not to have her in mind when I’m singing here
Wonder how different it might feel if I were surrounded by people in the house who I felt good friends with
there’s a new person who has moved in and i don’t want to see a new person now
i want them to go back to their room where i won’t see them if i go to the kitchen now
i want to go to the kitchen now to eat something
eating is very important
i want to eat without seeing new people
Feel naughty
I did itt
Bought a little music production software, have started playing around
Will I survive this
I think not
At least parts of me will die, how about my perfectionism
i just had an idea
i think i am going to do a thing
and it’s a bit big, it feels big, it would be big if i do it
in my heart and for my life
i don’t know how long it would take
a week?
less?
that’s long for me
i wanna post about it also
what if what u admire or envy about someone is not a particular trait or skill but the love and support they have received and felt to unfold in that way?
i’m calling it in:
i will have sisters’ love
i will have at least one woman in my life who i feel really close to and with whom i feel nourished in connection
i will not feel better or worse than her, just a sister, and love for and from her
In a way putting on and wearing makeup can be vulnerable
Like saying „I care about looking good today/tonight“
And also exposing your own taste and skill
ok i am kinda mind-blown, letting this in
as in, yeah there’s so much more pleasure for me, fuck yeah, this is what i’m going to get
and much to investigate
There’s more, right
- being domineering, predatory
- being aggressive
- being submissive and giving in to fear
- being dirty
- being playful
- being hungry, needy af
- being unrestrainedly tender and caring
- giving the steering wheel to our bodies’ instincts
what if i told u the following are all the same thing:
attention
learning
path of least resistance
minimising suffering
maximising pleasure
(survival) instinct
survival of the species
motivation
dao
good for all
meaning
self-care
“altruism”
life purpose
flow state
Crying; tense, thankful, hopeful
It’s sinking in how my parents have contributed and keep contributing to healing intergenerational trauma
How I am now, the possibilities I have, the freedom and growth I feel
They did a lot for it
JessCamp has been 🌊
Gently yet powerfully supporting me with its fluid weight since I stepped in and decided to dance in its waves, letting me ride them, washing over me, washing me
Omg omg I got myself some prints of my own digital artworks 🥹
It was a quick go-to-a-drug-shop thing and the colours look somewhat cheap which didn’t turn out great for some - but … ❤️❤️
i just discovered i have tensions in
- my tongue, at the back
- my jaw
- my face, to the sides of the nose and on my forehead
also got to hear how different my voice sounds when relaxing this tongue space, it’s wild
i found these things by talking to myself on camera
i suppose the fact that i imagine i wouldn’t be able to create a good dating profile on
@christineist
s dating app rn means that i don’t actually wanna date 😄
This is a bit random cause I can’t hear where it begins or stop before posting?
Go on a little journey with me on the guitar
I don’t play the guitar
I play the guitar
You can meme things into existence …
Two days ago I thought how nice it would be to look at the stars with someone, and here I am
- in the mountains, perfectly clear view, some company, hours of stargazing, tons of shooting stars 🤭