Bang Bang Bart
@Cormac_McCafe
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Patrick Marlborough: drongo writer/comedian/musician/wharf rat based in Walyalup, Western Australia. My novel NOCK LOOSE coming via Fremantle Press mid-2025
Fremantle, Perth (WA)
Joined October 2015
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Pinned Tweet
I hate to be the one to break this to some of you but Australia is the Perth of the world
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i'm helping one of my clients apply for a casual job at red rooster and they want him to record a 5 minute video explaining why he's passionate about the job. this is the kinda job you used to be able to apply for with a barebones resume. what is going on, man
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ok, I found most the reporting on the 'post a pet plant a tree' story incredibly shallow/lazy, so I went on a bit of a deep dive, and boy is the truth as dumb, wacky, a pathetic as you'd expect. Follow a long if you want!
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I respect this bully’s elaborate attempt to lure in nerds
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let's say this suburban fast food franchise is getting 100 applicants (it's probably more, w school holidays coming up). is someone sitting and watching 100 5 minute videos of teenagers saying they can't wait to roast chickens all day??? c'mon!
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kids is 20. i want to explain to him that the world didn't used to be like this. everything is so micromanaged and exhausting. you used to be able to walk into a HJs and ask if they were hiring and they wouldn't tell you to do six hours of online learning modules to apply
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this is embedded in what is apparently a 100 question application form, asking for 200-300 word responses to questions like "what is your personality like?" wtf
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one of my zoomer clients talks a lot about “lolcows” and the likes, which just seem to be genuinely mentally disturbed people that thousands of people like watching/torturing for entertainment? Seems bad???
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@xoxogossipgita
it’s pretty basic but: this whimsical world where anything is possible and labor is essentially redundant actually runs on slavery will always make me ???
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@xoxogossipgita
“I have an elf slave to do my chores”
Can’t you do that? In 3 seconds? With some Latin? What????
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Here’s a piece I’ve been wanting to write for a long time about the MCU, content, and the state of things:
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Disney-Marvel (good), 2019: ooh better make the Ancient One a white woman, we don't want the Chinese government thinking they're Tibetan.
Martin Scorsese (bad), 1997: here's my movie about the Dalai Lama, the invasion of Tibet, and the slaughter of its people. Aint I a stinker?
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hey! glad you're all enjoying my research. just wanna say: I am a working freelance journalist and I'd love to turn this into a longer article, if any publication is keen on letting me do so xox
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if the genocide in Gaza has taught us anything it's that Australian media is absolutely not up for the job. Years of private school inbreeding and Sydney-brained cokeheadery have left us with an inept, spineless, and wholly incompetent media class. it's time to clean house.
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grim. john cleese's Tar ending.
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Pink is huge in Australia because she’s the most bogan coded pop star of all time
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every Pacino related factoid from the IMDb trivia page for Dick Tracy is incredible
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i think what gets lost in a lot of the East Coast media's discussion of WA's COVID approach is how bad/fragile WA's medical infrastructure is after the Barnett Government bungled it via a series of very public rorts
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@johnnymcgurk1
yeah. but it's a red rooster. i've never seen a red rooster staffed by people who could be working at Aesop!
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sometimes i forget that the city of Joondalup has e-scooters largely because i was made to do a surveying job as part of work for the dole 5 years ago and I invented 500 people and their answers, making sure to have a believable but definite desire for e-scooters in the community
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like watching a dog attempt algebra
Thought ...
If there were no landlords, zero, who would renters rent a property from?
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Australian boomers are probably the worst boomers on the planet as no other generation elsewhere was blessed with so much and both shared so little and done so little with it
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@sour_mamba
i wrote this like 6 months after Trump's win, arguing that there's no way in hell Hank would ever vote for Trump
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sick of Sydney and Melbourne getting all the attention so I just want to remind everyone Ben Roberts-Smith is from Perth
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"dude, you got to check out this schizo semi-homeless guy who got busted for sexually assaulting his mum! he is rich in lore!!!"
huh? what? buhhhh???
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It’s very simple, but this humble meme changed how we deal with seppos on the internet forever
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sometimes you see images of Sarah Snook where she looks so Australian is such a specific way that no one who isn't Australian could appreciate the psychic shock said image causes
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so there you have it. everyone got suckered by a 23 year old kid in Florida who is selling dirt cheap necklaces at an insane markup, claiming to donate the money to charity, and pocketing it.
Good for him I guess. What's really ticked me off is the laziness of the reporting...
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has anyone asked Leigh Sales/the Australian boomer wonkites etc to look at Pauline Hanson and consider how 25 years of destroying her in rational on air debates has done nothing but maintain her political career and brand?
we have our own Bannon and she’s in the senate ffs
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SARAH FERGUSON: I sat down with Joseph Goebbels to ask him whether Nazi Germany *is* committing mass genocide.
Joseph Goebbels, are you committing mass genocide?
JOSEPH GOEBBELS: No, and if we are it is because they are inhuman vermin.
SARAH FERGUSON: ok, thanks for your time
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so what about Plant a Tree co???? What do they do then???? Is Zack planting all these trees??? Or is it one big scam??? (it's one big scam)
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which version of this generation of Pokémon did you have as a kid?
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australian comedians not posting about Gaza because they're scared of losing their ABC panel show/McCain's chicken nuggies/sportsbet sponcon gigs is so telling and bleak as all hell
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the ABC has sold out its sources, causing three activists to be arrested by WA Police. Why would any source, of any kind, trust them going forward?
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@BenShh1
theres a moment in the sopranos podcast hosted by Imperioli and Schirripa where they're trying to remember the name of 'da books about da magic boy' (harry potter) and another where Imperioli is insisting he believes in supernatural phenomena - both are so in character its scary
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it also seems that Zack originally ran the scam out of his frat house in Boca, which is hilarious. I'm not sure if the house above is that frat house, I'm still trying to confirm it.
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sorry but why the fuck does this show have 5 hosts?
.
@purplepingers
joined us to run us through how he is listing vacant properties to help people with no home get a roof over their head, legally.
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this was the most diabolical man in Australia when I was a kid
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a quick google maps search will reveal that it's a residential address!
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created in 2021, there is very little info on their actual website. nothing about who they are, their vision, their staff, or how they do what they claim to be doing. 6,500 trees planted though, somewhere, somehow, no info on either. nothing. except necklaces...
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where he was initially selling bracelets to, get this, raise money for the Australian bushfires AND Black Lives Matter, allegedly planting (you guessed it) 6500 trees somewhere here in Australia...
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sorry, 'prkd.' well, it's a kinda uber type late capitalism hell business where you lease out your driveway/verge as a paid parking spot....I think???
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well he is a 23yo science major with a minor in 'innovation' (?) from the University of Florida with a background in entrepreneurship. He also lives in Boca Ratan, Florida! Convenient! That's where Plant a Tree Co is based outta some guy's house!!!! well...
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the kind you buy in bulk from Alibaba. valued about 50 cents a pop, selling for $36. big profits! but don't worry, that profit goes to trees/elephants/palestine. can't afford a necklace? aren't you in luck...
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all you need to know about australia is that these two are considered some of our greatest public thinkers
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but hold on, what about this? who's this little fella? why, it's Zack Saadioui, founder of plant a tree co!!!! and park'd!!!! what's park'd you ask?
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this is the only way to talk to Aussie journos tbh
An 18-year old is accused of robbing a Gold Coast service station at knife-point.
The young man allegedly demanded money from a shop attendant while armed with a machete.
The teen has been released on bail and denied any involvement in the alleged robbery.
#9News
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morning Australia! For my first piece for Gawker I wrote about Australia’s champion (fungbunger) and why seppos need to shut their bloody gobs.
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here are his credentials! he made an app for his startup Prked. According to this, he's still at uni. And nowhere on any of his more official looking listings could I find mention of his business Plant a Tree, which is weird! cos he's planted 6500 trees and should be proud,right?
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can't really explain it but shoeys scream private school energy to me
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We have the worst political cartoonists on the planet
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it's so funny to be in a 600 member whatsapp group and think there's no way it'll get leaked. that is a level of stupid that should be studied in labs. australia's media/creative class truly are drongos.
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now their instagram doesn't have much info either. no staff, no CEO, no pictures of tree planting. just a lot of created pics of algorithm friendly animals! adorable. So who are these guys then?
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Scott Morrison held 5 ministerial portfolios while he was the Prime Minister and he still only managed to score 15 points out of the 100 required by JobSeeker
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because they also sell free ones! Yep, free necklaces valued at 50c each! All you have to pay is $9.95 shipping which surely, somehow, ends up planting trees...
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us radical lefties in WA, and our comrades in glorious Queensland, are deeply concerned by the reactionary politics of the backwater rednecks in NSW and Victoria...
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Penny Wong has built her entire career on her conviction to having absolutely no convictions, one of the saddest and sorriest cowards to ever hold office in this country.
The scenes from the explosion at a Gaza City hospital are deeply distressing. It is clear there has been a devastating loss of life.
Our thoughts are with those killed, those injured and their loved ones.
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here is the
@abcnews
not looking into who is behind plant a tree, and also nakedly promoting their fundraiser without a lick of scrutiny
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take for example this insta infographic from
@TheDailyAus
which does not at all explain who is actually behind plant a tree, then goes on to boost the fundraiser, never questioning if the money is going to trees.
I've seen countless people posting this all afternoon!
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y'see, Zack is now using his sudden virality to fundraise money to plant the impossible amount of trees he's promised all of us. This is his business model. You give money, he passes it on to a 'charity' of his choice (but really he pockets it)
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as I said: no info on where your money goes, or how it is used (to fund 'the Airbnb of parking', perhaps)
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plant a tree co have a peculiar business model. Essentially, they sell cheap necklaces, and for each they sell, they plant a tree. or they donate the money to elephants! or Palestine! as per their insta, the cause can change week to week...
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ok, buckle up! after their big blow up, plant a tree co posted this explanation on insta, hat in hand, telling you how it is. but how is 'it', really?
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Perth has put a lot of evil out into the world, but nothing as bad as this bloke.
Singer-songwriter and comedian Tim Minchin has used a concert in Canberra to voice support for the Jewish community:
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Disney-Marvel (good), 2019: hey! here's our first film with a BADASS female lead! She's an alien who bombs people for the US airforce!
Scorsese (bad), 1972: hey! here's my second feature, it's about a lady bank robber hobo who murders rapists! Ain't I a stinker?
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one of which they use to farm all their cute animal content....
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seems fair enough, doesn't it? Things got out of hand. They do want to plant some trees. All you have to do is donate to their fundraiser, so they can make it happen...
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that said:
@ABCmediawatch
please PayPal me $20 / feel free to tear me a new one if this kid sues me
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good luck getting your refund! it's literally just a weird gmail account...
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remember 4Ocean? Well, that's where innovator Zack got his business model...
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it originally sold $20 bracelets (valued at 50 cents) to help raise money for us poor Australians...
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I should mention that although I've freelanced as a journalist for over 10 years I've never studied the retched 'art' and have an autistics appreciation for defamation (none at all), so maybe that's why I went two clicks further than others out there, idk
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idk if there's anything that ticks me off more than people thinking we have 'free' healthcare in Australia
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the genius of casting Perth's own Heath Ledger as The Joker was that Heath understood that The Joker is essentially the kinda cooker you'd see hanging around Freo Target at any given hour of the day, asking you perturbing questions while you wait for the 98 bus
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@TexasLindsay_
why’d you delete this
@TexasLindsay_
i was learning so much about spelling from you
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@steamjamboree
some of the shit he shows me borders on snuff movies, like, idk how/why he's even exposed to it! he's a real sweet hearted kid, but to him, this is just like a normal facet of content/pop culture!
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I say 'I think' cos just like plant a tree co, it's website has v little real info. It's community forum consists of 1 post, and 1 follower. not much going on here it seems. So what about our tree loving CEO Zack?
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you must have seen a million scams like this on instagram by now. did you ever feel tempted by those 'free' sunglasses? well...
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this is happening live on my insta stories rn. same handle as here. will transfer the posts here once I'm done!
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@SawyerMerritt
@elonmusk
this looks like something a domestic terrorist put together in their shed
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she should have to resign over this, come on
#BREAKING
: Australian Foreign Minister Penny Wong has announced Australia is “unpausing” (restoring) funding to UNRWA in
#Gaza
. “UNRWA is not a terrorist organisation.” More to come
@10NewsFirst
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McGowan inherited a crippled system from Barnett, but proceeded to sit on his hands and ignore/mismanage the problems that health care professionals of all stripes have been complaining about since the beginning of the boom. like all things WA the question is where is the money?
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by the end of the week the only act at Sydney Festival is going to be Chris Lilley's Travelling Minstrel Show
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also: if you were in WA looking at NSW and Vic why would you think opening up like they want you to, like they did, is a good idea?
if the National government wont help Sydney and Melbourne, why the fuck would you think they'd help Perth??!?!?
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