Chris Bakke
@ChrisJBakke
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X. Founder with exits to @X @Indeed @Zillow
Danville, CA
Joined April 2013
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Silicon Valley aired 10 years ago this month. Here’s how I would write the 2024 reboot:
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David Beckham is the last remaining investigative journalist
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All I ask is for one city in Europe to look like this. Just one!
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My accountant just opened his "laptop" to do my taxes.
I am going to prison.
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Starting a new company.
It's called "Cable."
We're going to take all of the streaming services, combine them, put them in one menu, and charge you one simple fee to navigate all of them.
Raising $750m at a $10b valuation.
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They should just start preemptively arresting anyone on the Forbes 30 Under 30.
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There have to be 10,000+ hackers working nights and weekends to put some crazy image on this sphere
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BREAKING: Elon Musk is the first person in 70 years to successfully create new housing in San Francisco.
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My local dry cleaner was struggling to pay the bills.
He was losing $10,000/mo.
I told him to "use AI to transform his business"
He took my advice.
Bought a $20/mo subscription for ChatGPT.
His business is totally transformed.
He now loses $10,020/mo.
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This is scary.
ChatGPT has caught up with human intelligence.
If you ask it to list 20 great things about Ohio, it struggles and just mentions "it's affordable."
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I present: $100 of groceries.
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Monday morning emergency leadership meeting with the Senior Director of Marketing at Temu who was supposed to wire $8M for 1 Super Bowl ad and accidentally wired $80M for 10 Super Bowl ads:
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Navigating "corporate speak" isn't easy.
Here's a helpful guide I put together:
"Let me check with my team" = No
"Possibly" = No
"On my roadmap" = Not happening
"This will be done in Q4" = This will be done in Q2 next year
"Disagree and commit" = I hate you
"Per my last…
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Scheduling a meeting:
American: "I'm having brain surgery tomorrow from 2-5pm but can do 5:15pm tomorrow if that works"
European: "Tomorrow is the 789th anniversary of the local cheesemaker setting up shop in our town, which is a 3-day holiday, but I can do next week."
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I watched this video 200 times on my couch, stood up, made one attempt at it, and am now in critical condition in the hospital
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The downside to living in the bay area is that sometimes your landscaper becomes a crypto millionaire and forgets to mention that he quit
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The layoff email from Twitter is the first email in history that should have been a meeting.
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Elon Musk is in for a bad time.
I’m not sure he’s prepared to take on a couple PhDs, a few MBAs, and a Baroness who use Twitter once a year (to reset their passwords) and collectively own 77 shares of the company.
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Employee
#146
,987 at Google ($735k/yr TC) who works 13 hours per week waking up to discover that Twitter is still running with 700 employees.
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If you think you’re having a bad day at work, at least you’re not Harry Cole or James Heale, who wrote a book about Liz Truss’ rise to power that is not due to be released for 6 more weeks.
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BREAKING:
Pfizer - which paid the largest health care fraud settlement in history, Oreo - owned by Mondalez, which recently settled a child labor and slavery lawsuit last year, and Volkswagen - founded by the Nazi Party - have all pulled ads from Twitter over ethics concerns
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Engineer
#1
,927 at Twitter who got hired because he did ayahuasca with Jack at Burning Man in 2017 and has been collecting $670k total comp for five years without doing any work, upon reading that Elon Musk is buying the company.
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Insane that this simple Diet Coke with a whisky double just cost me $1,178 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible.
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BREAKING:
I'm hearing several reports that Sam was let go by the board after they opened a door labeled
"Top Secret GPU Room - DO NOT ENTER"
and found 21,700 people in the basement of OpenAI HQ manually responding to all ChatGPT questions
More to come.
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Pretty crazy that Google Gemini is only a team of 47 people.
2 engineers
16 PMs
29 senior global directors of DEI
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Your French coworkers, when someone adds a 3pm meeting on Friday to their calendar:
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Wow, I mean, if you had told me 3 years ago that:
FTX
Binance
BlockFi
Terra
Celsius Network
Voyager Digital
Three Arrows Capital
Gemini Trust
Hodlnaut
And hundreds of other companies were all run by frauds
I would have absolutely believed you
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2014: Snapchat is valued at $13B
2021: Snapchat is valued at $130B
2022: Snapchat is valued at $13B
Lesson: give up.
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Just raised $500m for my new startup that uses AI to detect crypto fraud.
We don’t actually use any AI, we just say that everything is fraud and haven’t been proven wrong yet.
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Apple spent $27B on research and development last year.
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I’m the VP of Hardware at Apple ($12.4M TC) responsible for making this part that cracks on every charger that we’ve produced over the last 15 years.
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Let’s normalize installing backyard bars in our empty swimming pools:
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Fun fact:
If you spent $1,000 shorting the 2022 Super Bowl advertisers, you'd be a billionaire today:
▫️ FTX
▫️ Carvana
▫️ DraftKings
▫️ Uber Eats
▫️ Meta Oculus
▫️ Rocket Mortgage
▫️ Coinbase
▫️ Vroom
▫️ Salesforce
▫️ GM
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GPT-5: can perfectly build any website
GPT-6: can build and run a company
GPT-7: passes Turing test
GPT-8: overthrows world governments
GPT-9: fails to understand how Jira is supposed to work, gives up, asks humans for help
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When I worked at Google, anytime someone emailed me a simple question I'd reply:
"Hmm, let's set up a recurring bi-weekly about this, loop in some folks from legal, and put some OKRs around it."
I was promoted 5 times in 7 years.
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RIP using ChatGPT to do your homework.
December 2022 - December 2022.
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27 year olds in SF with an $80k crypto portfolio: "I'm pretty well off, so I think I might try to retire in 5 years."
67 year old farmers in the midwest with $27m of land and $4m crop revenue: "It ain't much, but it's honest work. Don't think I'll ever be able to retire though."
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A legendary statement from the President of the University of Florida:
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The law students at Harvard are beginning to really sweat the fact that they might get fired from their first-year associate jobs helping Dow Chemical cover up pesticide spills in small town reservoirs, simply because they supported a terrorist organization in law school
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The WSJ is begging you - once again - to stop being so poor.
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Sam Altman showing up to his office as CEO of MicrosoftAI and remembering that he has to use Microsoft Teams
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If you recognize all four of these people, then your portfolio is down 97% this year.
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I love working at Facebook.
Yeah, it's a bummer we got called back to the office and I have a 2 hour commute again.
But, I'm sorry: you just aren't going to get this close collaboration with your teammates if you're working from home.
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The good people at Chess dot com are hiring a new CEO and it’s the greatest application process I’ve ever seen.
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The Forbes 30 Under 30 have collectively raised $5.3B in funding.
The Forbes 30 Under 30 have also been arrested for frauds and scams worth over $18.5B.
Incredible track record.
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Once per year, every CEO should apply to a job at their own company under a different name to see how maddening the process is for candidates.
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The funniest transfer of wealth in modern times is the SoftBank Vision fund which took $100 billion in Saudi oil money and gave it to founders who were “reimagining salad delivery” and building coupon apps for dogs that required $2B in funding.
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Facebook (162,985 engineers): currently down
X (184 engineers gathered around an open laptop that acts as our primary server): not down
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After I got my MBA from Harvard, I bought an HVAC company with a personal guarantee.
They were doing $55M in sales and $7M in profit.
I hired a NY agency to rebuild the website.
I mandated the whole company use Notion.
I gave everyone a 25% raise.
I taught the team about…
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My neighbors are a UPS driver and a Buc-ee’s Car Wash Manager.
This is their new boat:
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RIP 23 year old tech PMs making day-in-the-life TikToks.
2022-2022.
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Satya Nadella learning from his lawyers that despite investing $13B into OpenAI, they have zero information rights or say in the day-to-day management, and will continue to get their information on X like the rest of us
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Nancy Pelosi just disclosed a $5M stake in Nvidia.
Now, she wants to invest $50B in a "chips plus" bill.
I'm sure there is absolutely zero correlation here.
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Now that Twitter has 7 hardcore engineers left and seems to still be working fine, somewhere a Google SVP is nervously writing a memo about why they still totally need 150,000 people.
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Great to see that the WSJ finally hired a cat to be their editor in chief.
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I still can't believe Twitter bought Vine for only $30M, launched the careers of 100s of the most important content creators of the 2010s and 2020s and then shut it down (presumably to save money so that the exec team at the time could buy more bad modern art for the hallways of…
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We really need VCs to step up to the plate and start subsidizing our lives again.
$52 to DoorDash a pizza?
$105 Uber rides to the airport?
$800 for a WeWork desk?
$350 Airbnb cleaning fees?
SoftBank needs to step in and cut those costs by 85% again.
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Just added “Hacker, “senior prompt engineer,” and “procurement specialist” to my resume.
Follow me for more career advice.
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You can learn an important lesson from Credit Suisse:
In 2006, Credit Suisse had a market cap of $70B.
By 2016, they had a market cap of $30B.
By 2022, they had a market cap of $10B.
Today, they were acquired for $2B.
Lesson: give up.
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Facebook spent $10 billion on metaverse projects in 2021.
The graphics look like they came out of a computer game developed in 1997.
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The police, FBI, and SEC waking up to learn that Forbes just published a new 30 Under 30 list:
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Government: “you need to post salary ranges on all of your job openings”
Companies: “okay, the typical salary range for this role is usually between $17,000 and $2,500,000 per year”
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If you ever feel like your job is pointless, just remember that realtors in major cities are going to drive to a $2.3m three bedroom starter home that's been on the market for 126 days with one price cut of $15,000 with 8% mortgage rates and do a 4 hour open house this weekend.
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It will take us hundreds of years to recover from what HGTV did to us from 2010-2023
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Just got pulled over by the police.
I said, "Good evening officer. May I ask why you stopped me?"
He said, "Well, I noticed you were a middle aged white guy driving a Tesla and wearing a Patagonia vest. Just wondering if you've heard any information about what happened with…
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Cathie Wood is down so bad she’s demanding to speak to the manager of the stock market.
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Update:
Microsoft and OpenAI execs sent Sam Altman a Microsoft Teams link, which he refuses to use.
Sam Altman reciprocated by sending a Google Meet link for the call, which Satya refuses to use.
Currently at a stalemate.
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Tech guy in real life: "I like hamburgers."
Tech guy on a podcast: "Oh, great question. I mean, if we zoom in from a flavor architecture perspective, I have pretty strong biases toward the hamburger. I just got back from Tokyo and they call them hanbāgās there. Really, really…
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Very excited to announce that I am a billionaire.
Audited financials are below:
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The sequel to the Social Network - where the Winklevii lose all their money in bitcoin, and the whole metaverse thing doesn't pan out for Zuck, so they're all classmates at Harvard Business School, grinding hard to become Sr. Product Directors at Apple - is going to be so good.
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@elonmusk
George Santos should be speaker.
He’s a billionaire physician who’s an ex-Navy Seal that graduated top of his class from Harvard and Oxford, has won 18 Olympic gold medals, and is a guy you can trust.
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The best use case for AI is imagining Snoop Dogg in the cast of Seinfeld.
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If you don't work in tech, it's easy to assume that people at Google are changing the world.
Most of them are actually on teams of 290 people who "own" the "Compose" button in Gmail and sit in meetings all day debating which shade of blue they should a/b test this month.
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When I worked at a big tech company I used to reply to every email and Slack message with:
“Can we set up a recurring meeting about this to keep everyone in the loop?”
I was promoted 7 times in 6 years.
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There's something poetic about Elon showing up to Twitter's 183,000 sq. ft. office with not a single person in sight on a Wednesday morning except for his own security team.
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This is it, folks.
Absolutely insane lines today.
Unprecedented run on Starbucks points.
Saw several people redeeming their points for free coffees.
One man redeemed for TWO breakfast sandwiches.
Manager said they may run out of sandwiches today.
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Dall-E: will replace designers
Copilot: will replace engineers
OpenAI: will replace copywriters
Product Managers are safe because AI can’t sit poolside drinking margaritas while giving thumbs up emojis in Slack yet.
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Amex has an incredible business model.
Convinced tech + finance professionals to pay $695/year in fees for a metal credit card, which grants you the luxury experience of waiting 45 minutes to get into a crowded airport lounge at 7:25am with bad coffee and free newspapers.
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Just bought 1 share of Microsoft so I could update my Linkedin to:
"Angel Investor, Microsoft AI"
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Many people are telling me that there are places in Europe that look like this.
Please don’t talk down on me like a typical American who isn’t well traveled.
I’ve been to Paris dozens of times. Here’s a picture from last year.
Follow me for more pics of my world travels.
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