Chicago Party Aunt
@ChiPartyAunt
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Holy shit! Netflix just bought the rights to my life! Anybody have a password I can borrow?
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Just found this majestic bitch in the back of the closet. It’s like discovering dinosaur bones.
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No matter how your day goes, hold deep in your heart that
@AaronRodgers12
woke up a loser. 🥰
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Good! Keep your triangle eatin’ ass in New York, Henderson. Chicago doesn’t want ya!
Today I learned people in Chicago cut their pizza like this and now I'm never ever going there. Sorry you're all sick and I don't want to catch it.
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I’ve seen bigger crowds at DePaul basketball games at the Rosemont Horizon.
Birdseye view of the more than half-empty Trump rally...
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We need to put this guy back in jail.
Yes, Rod Blagojevich now spends his weekends singing Jailhouse Rock at parties in Chicago.
Video from a friend who was there:
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After speaking with my family, my priest and Diana Ditka, I've decided that I will be running for Mayor of the great city of Chicago in 2019. Vote CPA early and often.
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Nice order, loser.
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Dis would never happen in Chi. Our rats sit calmly in their cloth covered seats and don’t make eye contact.
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Let’s just say, I too pulled a couple strings to get my boys into DeVry Technical Institute ; )
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I’d put the Medieval Times castle in Schaumburg up against any castle in Europe.
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What I wouldn't give for a 5 dollar slice of Bacci and a cup of Pop right now.
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Just got to LA and seen this freakin’ beauty! But I haven’t seen a single Brian Urlacher hair restoration billboard anywhere. Weird place. Go Bears!
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Well folks, you can now stream the first 8 episodes of
@ChiPartyAunt
on
@netflix
! Kiss my ass Bridgerton!
(still looking for a password, if anyone can spare)
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New CPS Healthy Lunch menu once elected:
Mon: Beef dipped w/ hot peps, cheese fries.
Tues: Beef dipped w/ sweet peps, cheese fries.
Weds: Personal pan deep dish w/ works.
Thurs: Two / Tree Chicago Dogs, bag of Jay's.
Fri: Full slab 'o' Ribs, loaded baked potato, baked beans.
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For those of you who’ve been asking what it looks like when I climax:
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I’ve done my fair share of “heavy snow” in the Aragon ballroom ; )
The Aragon Ballroom's roof partially collapsed because of heavy snow, causing Red Line disruptions.
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Absolutely goddamn beautiful.
Only in Chicago: shots of Malort now being distributed outside Trump tower.
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Umm… was the Trib, Sun-Times and Polish Daily News sold out?
A historic step forward in our country.
I'm excited to celebrate Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson today.
#SCOTUS
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Goodnight sweet prince.
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The Windchill Beneath My Wings. We couldn’t have asked for a better Meteorologist. Thank you for everything and see you in Hawaii ; ) ☀️
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First Marshall Fields and now Justin Fields. STOP TAKING MY FIELDS AWAY!!!
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Fell in the goddamn river (again) and now I’m walking around the Loop looking like fuckin’ Shrek.
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Not even I wanna be in that.
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Well, well, well, look who stole my idea... my third child’s name is Elk Grove Village.
Kanye West, Kim Kardashian name third child Chicago West
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I’m still the only waitress in Ed Debevic’s history who was fired for being too rude to customers ; )
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I'm currently the only person chained to the Rock 'N Roll McDonalds protesting the demolition, where the fuck is everyone?!
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All the cool cousins are smoking a joint in the garage in 10 minutes.
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My daughter Claire works at Spencer's and my son Spencer works at Claire's. What a time to be alive!
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Will ya get fuckin vaccinated so we can party again please?!
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I would like to announce that I too am running for President of the United States! 🇺🇸
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What was number 1, heaven?!?
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ur entire state is a shithole.
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If the gyro ain’t cut with a sword, I ain’t eatin’ it.
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The ONE year I was gonna run the Marathon, they cancel it. Oh well.
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Please wear a fucking mask so I can party in public again someday.
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I'm bringing every single White Hen Pantry back on day 1 of my administration.
#CPAForMayor
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Yes yes yes yes YES!!!
Chicago’s beloved “Tamale Guy” is discharged from the hospital today, after a long battle with COVID19.
@WGNNews
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Other cities are lil bitches.
Chicago St. Patrick's Day Parade still happening despite other cities canceling
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The Moody Bible Institute is a bigger party school than Northwestern.
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DON’T GO TO THE BARS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!
Come to my place. Kurt just finished the basement.
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Siskel & Ebert once gave my rack two thumbs up from across the dining room at Gene & Georgetti’s and it was the greatest honor I’ve ever received.
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There she is!
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Retweet if you’ve banged in the O’Hare Rock Salt Storage Igloo.
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I’m inside this cake.
Happy 183rd birthday to Chicago, the greatest city in the world. 🎂
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Okay, this Chicagoan wins the CPA badass of the day award!
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Hey
@DePaulU
Whenever I transfer from Red to Brown at Fullerton, I feel like scary ass St. Vincent de Paul is judging the shit out of me and my life choices. Thanks a lot ya fuckin’ BUZZKILLS!
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I can see my apartment!
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I'm gonna start throwing these things into Lake Michigan.
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This is the best piece of journalism I’ve ever seen.
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Magnificent.
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Ok this guy fuckin' parties.
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*If* I ever die, I would like this shown at my funeral.
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Seems like I may have hurt some peoples feelings when I told
@KLOVERadio
that Chicago doesn't want them. I feel bad and would like to clarify, what I meant was that Contemporary Christian Soft Rock is complete and total garbage and I would rather drink cat piss than listen to it.
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CHICAGO FIRE!
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Just did a line of coke off the automatic plastic toilet seat cover at O’Hare ; )
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“The snow melts to reveal the remains upon the battlefield.” -Abe Lincoln
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HEY
@KLOVERadio
CHICAGO DOESN'T WANT YA!!! KEEP YOUR UPLIFTING, ACOUSTIC, KUMBAYA, BULLSHIT IN FUCKIN' BIBLE BELT!!! THIS IS CHICAGO AND ALL WE BELIEVE IN IS ROCK & FUCKING ROLL!!! LONG LIVE THE LOOP!
@979TheLoop
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Not the first cock I’ve seen on the blue line ; )
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HOLY SHIT BALLS. Freakin' BADASS!!!
Managed to capture the double
#rainbow
and lightning strike over
#chicago
. Pretty fitting on the 5th anniversary of Obergefell v. Hodges.
#PRIDE2020
#Weather
#sunset
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Sitting in a bar for 15 hours.
What's something to do in Chicago this weekend that's not sitting in a bar for 14 hours?
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Gonna hang these posters at every Potbelly in town.
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I don’t want to talk about it.
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Let’s rename the 606 Trail “The Corona Highway.”
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You should throw a music festival!
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