2026 mantra:

being easily laughable is soooo funnnnn. everyone’s like. that wasn’t even funny. like okay whatever. i’m the most joyous one here

“So what’s your take?” “BBBBLLLLLLEEEUUUUUUUUUUUHHH” “100% agree”

https://t.co/rXVyN7HREO

My therapist hits me

sorry for what i said when i was on Red 40

she ate this up so bad . the lambs were silent because they were GAGGED

https://t.co/KxVhb8PDJN

"unc" used in the same manner as a Japanese honorific like "sensei"

Ate a piece of cheesecake from the grocery store and it tasted like an apartment leasing office

I love him so much this boy got me listening to Rush like damn so THAT’S Neil banging out the tunes? 🤔

mitski has joined the war against seasonal depression on the side of seasonal depression

i accidentally watched like 3 minutes of the new smiling friends episode in spanish and i didn't question everyone speaking spanish because it just seemed like something they would do

Let me regulate my nervous system and i’ll get back to u

brushing my stupid FUCKING TEETH

do job interviewers know we’re all going to die one day

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go like feathers falling from an angel’s wings

https://t.co/T23qgRj96J

Asked my girlfrienrd if i can just eat cake and candy for every meal since the rapture is on tuesday and she said no because im going to get a stomach ache i hope hell is hot bitch

i want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that i am funny