BN
@BanditNanna
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Right this way you maverick renegade. #redcartel
St Bastards, Knucklesford
Joined October 2010
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If you tackle Rashford in a match or save one of his shots you’re basically saying that you hate children.
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In the same way that Athletic Bilbao only sign Basque players it's great that Burnley have a similar policy where they only sign lads who have forklift licenses.
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Imagine if West Ham get into Europe. The two captains shake hands. Sergio Ramos hand over a Real Madrid pennant. In exchange Mark Noble puts a pound of pears in a brown bag and seals it by spinning it round twice.
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The Fox in the Box Office is back with a bang! The full quadrilogy box set will be available soon from all good petrol stations.
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Still can’t get my head around England failing to win a major tournament with three of the greatest midfielders of all time but have somehow made the Euro semis with two lads who look like they’d deliver a tumble dryer to your house.
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Roy Keane looks about three years away from living in a lighthouse.
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If Rashford wasn’t there who’s to say Akanji wouldn’t have just booted into his own goal as a protest against sportswashing.
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The government are going to spend £4billion in 4 years on defence. Who’s Prime Minister, Pep Guardiola?
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Ordered a retro AC Milan kit for my lad from, let’s say, abroad. He didn’t want a name so I asked if I could have just 10 on the back. FFS.
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Tony Martial came from France. He’s packed his toothbrush and underpants. Terminal 2 to catch a plane. Tony Martial’s off to Spain.
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From the Makers of the Vardy franchise, Captain England and Hope & Glory comes a new high-octane drama.
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I've always been intrigued by this man in this famous Cantona Kung Fu photo. He looks like an old school detective hot on the heels of the Selhurst Strangler.
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From the people who brought you the Vardy franchise and the Turf War series comes this heartwarming rags-to-riches tale celebrating the Hammers' most successful player in his final season. A must for all West Ham and Man City fans.
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Liverpool claiming they won 50% of the trophies is a bit like claiming you shagged 50% of the Corrs but one of them was Jim.
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Non-United fans on the Glazers
2005-2019: Hahahahahahahaha
2020: Hahaha…wait, what?
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Derby day bingo:
Utd miss sitter in first 5 mins
Haaland scores
City play it across the back 4 for an hour
Haaland scores again
City fans re-work a Utd chant
Calamity defending allows generic Iberian to score third
City fans ole
Consolation Utd goal from player who won’t leave
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From the makers of Vardy, Vardy 2, Vardy III and Vardy 4 comes the most explosive edition to the franchise yet. When you try and play the game behind closed doors, expect them to be blown off!
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There's now an AI app that allows you to input a football player, a pop song and a celebrity voiceover and it creates a chant for you. Technology today is mind-blowing.
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Shame United couldn’t face City in 1998/99 but then the third tier of English football won’t fill itself.
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Those lawyers don’t come for free, lads.
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The difference between City and Everton is that City will have assembled the finest legal team possible whereas Everton use a bloke called Kenny whose business card starts with “Had a fall at work?” and ends with “also for wedding DJ bookings contact funtimekenny345
@lycosdotcom
”.
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Imagine it. Lights come back on and Mike Phelan is completely naked spraying himself with LYNX Nevada.
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@Danny_McMoomins
In response to your recent enquiry, yes, all four films will be shown back to back at the Printworks, Manchester after the Belgium game.
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I’m worried if Liverpool win the FA Cup next season they’ll have matched United’s 1999 achievement. Then there’s the added fear of them winning the League Cup in 2022 and doing the quadruple.
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“With more twists than an Egyptian’s shoulder, ‘Humerus’ is destined for Oscar glory.” - Paul Ross.
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Is James Milner ever going to retire? He’s like Tony from Hollyoaks. Just fuck off will you.
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Just seen that Kompany goal. If Phil Jones tried that he’s facing manslaughter charges for knocking a security officer off the stadium roof.
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It's only fair that you have this stuck in your head all weekend too.
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Bruno Fernandes takes penalties like a clown kicking another clown up the arse.
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Michael Jordan could be considered the greatest sportsman of all time if he'd played an actual sport rather than indoor kerby.
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Have the police at Whitehall considered releasing a few Russians with bum bags to disperse the crowds?
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“Unity is strength, let’s go reds”
Heartbreaking six words Ant McPartlin said to his mum after arrest
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“Look, you’re going to have to operate the drone or it's up the stink star. Either way Big Nikos needs 20 tablets and a mobile phone by next Thursday."
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Whatever happens that Leicester City film is going to be something special.
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All for binning VAR and it must have been soul crushing for Coventry but you can’t just pick and choose when a player should be given the benefit of the doubt because it’s a nice fairytale / a big laugh at the club you love to hate.
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Lets have it right, the Swindon lot behave like utter twats when Brent takes them to the pub.
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Is it just me or do these ‘gritty dramas’ seem to get relentlessly churned out?
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Vardy returns in his most dangerous outing yet as he goes deep behind the Iron Curtain to lead an all-star NATO XI in the ultimate battle for the continent.
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Don’t get too carried away United fans. Let’s not forget what a nightmare the past six seasons have been.
#gorygorymanunited
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Tickets for this go on general sale tomorrow. Runs from 30 June - 2 July. Buy up to four tickets for friends and family. Don't miss out!
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Fair play to all the Ajax fans I follow on here. They’ve took it on the chin rather than being massive wet fannies about not winning the league. Proper club.
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Backtracking running order:
1. City
2. Chelsea
3. Liverpool
4. Spurs
5. Arsenal
6. Hell freezes over
7. United
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Did spend 3 years in Amsterdam to be fair
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Don’t even think about writing that 3 part ITV series starring Sarah Lancashire as a gritty northern key worker up against it during the Coronavirus, balancing being a single mum to an unruly teen unwilling to STAY AT HOME and visiting her dying dad through the patio windows.
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Woodward has done the transfer equivalent of Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber where he goes into the store for essential supplies and comes out with a giant cowboy hat and a ball tied to a paddle.
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Imagine if anyone tried to jump the turnstiles at the Rugby World Cup final. Tan leather driving glove straight to the chin by some gilet-clad rules-are-rules off duty copper.
The pitch invader from the Wales vs South Africa game got a lovely welcome from the crowd as he got escorted out of the stadium. 👀
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I’m pretty sure Ruud Gullit was nicknamed ‘Just’ by the Milan fans due to his exemplary moral behaviour.
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Footballer Marcus Rashford having to ask the government to feed children.
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Fair play to all the PSG fans I follow on here. They’ve took it on the chin rather than being massive minge flaps about not winning the league. Proper club.
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How come Luke (Jedi) needs a big coat on Hoth but Rey just wanders about the galaxy in a vest like some kind of space Geordie?
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Luke Shaw posts a message and two clubs quit the Super League immediately. Is there anything he can’t do right now?
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Reaching the heights of British transfer records and plundering new depths of embarrassment at the same time. What a club.
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He said "If you stay on in management you could end up being as good as Fergie." I said "I'm not interested, I'm making shit-loads out of Peloton adverts."
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Emergency services have been called to Old Trafford following reports that Mike Phelan has glued his hand to the Trinity Statue.
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Need to start seeing some results from Man United’s academy. The last decent player to come out of it was Wayne Rooney and that was back in 2004.
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“Ok guys. No running, no climbing. Two hands on the gun at all times. If you get hit, you’ll be unable to shoot for 3 seconds while the laser pack re-energises."
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Thanks for that 1x League Cup winner, Jose Enrique.
I always said it. Don't like him he believe is God and can do whatever he wants. That doesn't take that is been one of the best players in the history of football but as a person don't like him
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All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Was Mainoo
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If he can carry this sort of form all the way to the World Cup there’s absolutely no reason why Lingard can’t become England fans’ token scapegoat United player this summer.
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This year’s United season ticket welcome pack is going to contain a paint brush, isn’t it.
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@LukeEdwardsTele
When you’re the victim of a good sportswash you don’t think that you’ve been sportswashed. That’s how sportswashing works.
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