Dan Flashes Complicated Shirts
@AndrewHasCats
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Pinned Tweet
The Smart House watched them do this and decided “yea I gotta kill this family for sure”
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Suggestion 4 u ➡️ RT
@KatrinaPierson
..Obama's dad born-Africa, Mitt Romney's dad born-Mexico. Any pure breeds left?
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Been off of social media for a week and really can’t wait to start my new job today as the PR manager for Tappo Day Club
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Every person in Buffalo's reaction to hearing about all the snow in other states
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This is the thicc boi move, summer of 2020 is HERE
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Really excited to share the teaser for the film I co-wrote and produced, Beyond the Sea! Share! Thanks, love you
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Me: "Yea I'm just gonna lay low tonight and stay out of trouble.
***drinks 3 beers***
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No YOU ate 6 Red Lobster cheddar biscuits alone in the dark
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Holy hell, reminder to give
@rheaseehorn
every award for Better Call Saul season 4 episode “Breathe”. WEXLER IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS
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I checked my statements from last night and at 3am I apparently donated $50 to a dogs GoFundMe
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I just got a haircut on set and I am living my best life ever
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“Sir you can’t get refills on the popcorn containers you found in the garbage”
Me:
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I’m on season 2 and Tony Soprano drinks a regular Coke at least once an episode but Carmela drinks Diet Coke. You’re telling me they had a case of regular Coke AND a case of Diet Coke in the fridge at all times? Being in the mob rules
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Coronavirus has me sending “You up?” texts at 5:45pm on a week day.
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Pretty much a nightmare determining if I have COVID symptoms when I’ve been short of breath every day since I was 13.
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When the bag is 75% air and 25% chips
I too was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hood winked, lead astray!!!
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Imagine applauding putting active duty US soldiers in a position to shoot unarmed citizens on US soil lmfao
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And we’re finished. And THATS THE BOTTOM LINE, CAUSE
@steveaustinBSR
SAID SO. Favorite wrestler of all time cracking open a cold one on my thigh
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Out of everything that could be done, I’m very glad my Dad chose 9am strawberry picking for his Father’s Day activity very glad also it’s hot
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Uhhh how about both parties just stop doing it
When Democrats sexually assault women, they resign.
When Republicans sexually assault women, they lie about it.
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*me gaining 48 pounds during the quarantine* “I’m supporting local business”
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So about 15 seconds into the Tinder conversation and it's already getting weird
http://t.co/smXpsvkPP4
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The words "Buffalo is now the greatest football town in America" were spoken on Sportscenter, live from Buffalo. This is the greatest.
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@kritterart
1. Kill List
2. The Ring
3. The Sixth Sense
4. Sinister (I am never forgiving
@scottderrickson
for this scene)
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Excited to officially say I will be working on set for the entire Buffalo portion of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles2 shoot. Today is beautiful
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Everyone is talking about seasonal depression but personally, I love buying $175 worth of groceries and going through all of it in 48 hours.
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Amazing. Cannot believe this. Reunited 12 years later
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Pretty excited to say that a producer in Buffalo has agreed to work on a script I co-wrote and make it the best it can be. Today is good.
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Absolutely had enough of Instagram matching me as all the most hideous fictional characters in the “Which One Are You” filter
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I would very much like a handout actually
I know Americans aren’t looking for a handout. They just want a fair chance to get ahead — and I’ll work every day to make sure folks get that chance.
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Nobody on here will believe me but I did not do this myself and I have apparently captured the hearts and minds of some people on this set
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When u remember that Disney is building Toy Story Land but have to pretend like u don't care bcuz ur about to be 23
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Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and also to the Mom I kissed one time at Turners, miss you
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Just got a phone call from one of the studio people from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 to discuss availability IM SWEATING AND IM NERVOUS 😅
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Sometimes I’ll give myself anxiety by thinking about going on the old MTV show “Next” and immediately getting Nexted as soon as I step off the bus
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Back to the 90's -
#90sBarCrawl
#HomeImprovement
#ToolTime
#AlBorland
@TheRichardKarn
@TimAllenRants
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Had to say goodbye to my best friend. 18 years was a long friendship. Thanks for everything.
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A great surprise on set yesterday. What a great Friday and Saturday
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Insane that again, for the 10th year in a row, it’s me
Who was the most outstanding Grand Island Vikings athlete of the 2018-19 winter sports season?
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I can’t believe the police were able to get a screenshot from surveillance of the Grand Island bank robber
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*Successful person, the same age as me: “I’ve been able to get my own business off the ground and it’s doing really well right now”
*Me: “I just downloaded Yelp to give a bad review to a McDonalds that forgot my sauces”
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Me and the boys hanging out after the pandemic
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Homeboy, I think your pants are almost completely off, just letting you know
http://t.co/oQmZvQWGm5
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Had a day off today so naturally I ate spaghetti in bed
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I have mutual friends with Daniel Radcliffe I’m basically Neville
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I acted in a thing for the first time this weekend
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Ladies, little sample of what you can expect when you match with me on Tinder
http://t.co/WnKi4xAHiR
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Just found out that the film I produced last year was nominated for Best Student Short Film at the Buffalo Dreams Fest this year. YEEEEE
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No comedic line has ever been delivered as well as a fully concussed, post knockout Johnny Knoxville asking “Is Butterbean ok?”
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Pineapple Express
@Sethrogen
Prompt twitter!!!!!
What are the best action movies ABOUT FRIENDSHIP???
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Talked to an entire group of new hires and didn’t realize until after that my fly was down. A truly horrible Michael Scott moment for my credibility. Hold my calls.
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I'm acting in a short film this weekend and playing a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt who works at Tommy Bahamas so is it really acting?
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I said yes before I even saw that there were parachutes
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Weak, I’ve been in a state of emergency for like a year
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I love to see other big fat guys wearing shirts that I also own because I yell out the store where we bought it and they answer to it like it was their college nickname
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I FINALLY GOT A NEW JOB, THANK THE GOOD LORD
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Whoa what the hell I mean ok I guess if they say so
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My biggest regret in life is being invited to Adrien Brody’s house (name drop) for Thanksgiving 2018, panicking, and telling him no I had plans with my parents lmfao
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Al Borland liked my tweet about being Al Borland. I've peaked on this app
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You were in After Earth RT “
@officialjaden
Unfollow Me So I Can Be Left With People Who Actually Appreciate Philosophy And Poetry.”
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Is this real lol
Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!
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