Lazee Ellis Ross
@wildhormoans
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UX Writer by trade. Professional TV Watcher by choice. I’m here to laugh and talk shit. #badbye
Kmt
Joined May 2009
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Ok so by popular demand, it’s story time. The year was circa 2002/3, I had Saturday school because I was a nerd but also cos school was more fun than cleaning & making okra soup with my mum on Saturday.
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Do you lot remember the 2011 planking era???? Because I just found old pics of me and I-
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Hold the doggone phone one bloody minute. Was anyone else prepared for Marsai to come with a LEWK?????? ****AGGRESSIVELY STANS****
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No sorry but if period pains are equivalent to heart attacks, why am I working?? When was the last time someone had a heart attack and took panadol and dialled in?? Need answers urgently!!!
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I voted sha. Really feel like I’ve done my part for television politics. Arabrexit means Arabrexit.
#loveisland
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NO WAY Gen Z is trying to bring this belt back. NO MF WAY!! What on earth is going on the House of Commons????
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Rah. Did Italy go to meet the pope at half-time or what? What manner of pressure is this?
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Zach’s mask is slipping. He can’t pretend to be a youth pastor again. These laughs are coming out like Hulk fighting to take control of Bruce 😂
#loveisland
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Went to Barcelona for lunch. Back home now. No regrets.
I’ve just done something semi ridiculous even for me. But it made me happy so idc. I love me a lot ♥️
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Let’s speak on it cos Lil Ouzy Vert lives in Ella’s village. They’re even colleagues and it’s only Love Island he realised they have something? Pls.
#LoveIsland
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Why did someone say “this is why no one sent you weave” to samira??? You lot get so extra funny during love island season. I’m finished.
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Just wanna drink supermalt, eat gizdodo and suya whilst dancing to old gen afrobeats with my friends 😩😩😩
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Tyler’s father said she’s the baddest and you almost fumbled. See parents with sense.
#LoveIsland
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Financially stable, financially confident and financially strong.
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This is so disrespectful. I actually gasped. Why he do my boy Ash like that??😂
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I’ve been laughing for so long idk what to do. But wod wod wod.
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Georgia is still shouting about keeping people on toes when the last person you did that with did pointe and pirouetted away. Very good. Ballerina. Well done.
#loveisland
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Why are recruiters vague about salary? I proper don’t get it. Tell me upfront so we don’t waste each other’s time. Cos there’s no job I want bad enough to accept bad guap.
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So I wrote the Nigerian version of
#Panda
& instead of my friends to be proud, they're asking me if "I'm alright"
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Imagine shooting a guy with the very tears he made you cry? Poetic justice.
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Chloe Bailey’s body is a madders won’t lie. I used to look like that then I hurt my ankle playing football 🥺
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I need this jumpsuit WITE NOW.
@marsaimartin
why did you do this to me? I’m poor. I can’t afford this but now I gotta try and recreate it by force. You didn’t have to do this to me.
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Would the baby come if they heard me cry?
Ok, if you heard a crying baby screaming at the top of their lungs in an abandoned house that damn near looked haunted or sketchy, are you going in after the baby?
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Men are terrifying. In their entitlement to women’s attention/bodies. In their lack of empathy when toying with emotions. In general. You lot scare me. If you ain’t what i described, I’m not talking to you. Don’t @ me. Regards.
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Closest I can find is this but where will my breasts go?? I hate it here.
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Do I like to travel or do I want to escape my life??
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Wizkid brought out Arya Starr and that young lady is stunning with amazing stage presence!!
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I HATE this attempt to bring back noughties fashion. I thought that we as a community had collectively decided that’s the ONE ERA that is a massive no?? Suspend this. Immediately 🔫🔫
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Did Chucky have supernatural powers? Cos I never got why nobody put that doll baby in the blender. Who you talking to bro??
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I’ve decided Megan is the poster child for feminism. 😭😭😭 Owned her sexuality, really sampled every man and returned to choose a man and wifed him. Kween.
#loveisland
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Also now I want jumbo braids in a bob. Kmt. I’m really need to recreate this look or am die.
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You know why Danny is a specific bastard?? Cos he said all that intellectual chat. What exact smart thing did Asbestos say other than Yewande’s name? Intellect by osmosis or...?
#loveisland
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My personal trainer: give me another 20
Me: so what are you going to say at my funeral now that you've killed me?
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So...I moved to Hong Kong. Brexit means Brexit. See ya lads.
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ASOS have recently been doing big boob friendly dresses that hold the girls up…w/out needing a bra? Get involved o ye of bulging bosoms
This is my fave recent one 🧡
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See how my English isn’t even Englishing any more??? I’m a mess. I need this jumpsuit.
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Lmao. I would hold down my wig as I ran home to start my new life.
If your partner got locked up for 50 years, would you hold them down 👀
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Asked and answered. Now I’ve done a whole restroom shoot, will y’all relax?
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You’ve been mentioning this man often of late. I see you’re setting your sights on your next target. I wanna root for you, but also give the rest of us chance my love. Warmest regards and season’s greetings. 🖤
If Winston Duke was your boyfriend you would never win an argument because all he would say is "wanna hug it out?" and it would be game fockin over mate
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Pls if anyone knows where Wizkid got his blue co-ord from, I’d like it. Even a dupe. It was giving.
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I’m 30, reasonably intelligent, have law degree and finished law school but I still can’t explain how/why whenever you braid your hair then go to pee, there’s one long strand of Xpressions in your pant even though you’re FULLY CLOTHED. How sway?
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Anyway - let the chaos ensue. I just want Whitney and Catherine to be happy.
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2017 was a weird year. It was literally the best of times and the worst of times. But as always, I didn’t die and I didn’t kill anyone. So gotta stay grateful for the small things.
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Georgia has been prepping to dump Sam from time. He could have said good morning and she’d be like - “I’m getting focked off, you know how loyal I am but you’re focken telling me good morning”
#loveisland
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Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve worn makeup? Put some on today and remembered what it is to feel cute. Wow.
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Also 21k steps? Day trip koh, Israelite ni.
Na pharaoh dey pursue me???
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Guys. Imagine having coronavirus then getting your period. Wouldn’t you just give up the ghost? Cos your chest can’t be paining you only for your uterus and asshole to join the party.
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My mum looked at one of my drawings and was like “it’s a shame we didn’t let you pursue any of the creative things you wanted to do when you were younger.”
Me looking at her after a lifetime of hearing “medicine, law, engineering or it’s curtains for you”
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OK Employee Of The Month…How did you see them? Or were you carrying laptop on your head as you walked?
Does anyone work anymore?
Went on a walk Monday at 11:00 am and there were young people everywhere.
Working age people.
Between all these 'creator' types, remote work, quiet quitting, etc...
I honestly wonder how many people even work anymore.
Is your city like that?
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Actually no one last thing. THEY apologised to ME for blaming me for something I didn’t do. My goodness. This was honestly the greatest heist of my life. Oceans 9. Smoothest criminal.
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Murder isn’t funny but…mama had…0 remorse. And her stance? *That* is funny.
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Just asked this lovely white lady to find my shoe in size 6. She didn’t work there. Mildly embarrassed but also...reparations 🤷🏾♀️
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Then he starts pacing up and down and is like hmmm now I think of it, she looked somehow different from you and I chased her down to a dead end and she disappeared. MY ENEMIES HAVE SENT A WITCH TO ME LOOKING LIKE MY DAUGHTER.
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Carrie Bradshaw couldn’t actually dress. The true dresser was Samantha.
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Priest: “Megan, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
Megan: “it’s early days”
#loveisland
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This is actually the bestworst one I’ve seen. Hope you’re all ashamed 😂
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Got the keys to my new home. Dis my bedroom view. Turnip.
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My PT: so when are we training next? It’s been a while. You said you wanted abs no?
Me:
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I don’t feel sorry for Leanne sha. This is the consequence of not playing the game. I backed her dumping him and now she must back herself off the island. Keep being the bad gehl that you are.
#loveisland
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Can’t believe you haters didn’t see the potential in these earrings. Glad I stuck to my vision.
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I’ve just done something semi ridiculous even for me. But it made me happy so idc. I love me a lot ♥️
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I really wanna know where you lot are meeting these sugar daddies. Cos every old man that tries it with me is Gazza from Watford who wants to shag anubian queen. But you man are getting £6k for pictures.
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Michael is a condescending prick. And this all stemmed from the tweet saying he's whipped. Nobody can convince me otherwise and he needs to speak to a therapist to address why he's so triggered.
#loveisland
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Alexandra is accepting blame for Alex’s behaviour??? Jesus take the wheel and the remix to ignition. I’m tired.
#loveisland
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Getting to that dead end was really a terrifying moment. Imagine skipping school & bumping into your Nigerian parent, running away THEN getting caught?? LMAOSJAJSN - impossible. I said if it’s fly I must fly then...
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Nah sorry - women ain’t wicked enough. Ladies, whatever bad thing you think you’re doing to that man, go back and do it again x
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Ok guys. Look alive. We need to vote to save Ovie. Even if you haven’t watched, GET YA APPS OUT. Our babes is in trouble.
#loveisland
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Father, I cast and bind this tweet. Your word says when 2 or more twitter handles are gathered in your name, you are there. Saints, gather with me. Amen.
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Ok. Basically
@ASOS
needs to book me to shoot this suit. See also any modelling agency. Regards.
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Proper influencer. Feds liked and subscribed.
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Ok well- it’s voting time and we all agreed that we’d vote Amber over Ovie just for the united stance to defeat the final boss; Molly Mae. Do the right thing.
#loveisland
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@roseybeeme
I wonder if they know about your thread. They literally have to invite you to the wedding if it works out.
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To this day, I stand by my truth. I don’t know if I can ever confess to Andy. It’s not like he can do anything to me now, but this is a 16 year old lie. I made the man doubt his very own working eyes. I can never confess. My G, you saw a witch. I was at school. The end.
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@kelechnekoff
The idea that everything we learn or do has to be for the pleasure of a man angers me wildly. I know cooking is a tiny example but sha here I am.
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An ode to Onyi’s bum in honour of her birthday:
The bible says to turn the other cheek.
So turn.
Let me see what the Lord has made.
Is it not good?
On the 7th day, I too will rest.
In dem cheeks.
Selah.
🥺
@uncletypewriter
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My mum sent me quite literally 52 pictures of herself. All unprovoked. I will say though, if you’re wondering why I’m so extra, here’s your answer:
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Curtis and this Descartes wisdom. Every conversation he’s doing I graft therefore I am. Phenomenal.
#loveisland
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Don’t even ask me why I keep shoving these pics down your throats. It’s because I look great and the sun was shining. A happier time.
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Do you know how many prayers I prayed against familiar spirits? LOL. I was the loudest voice too. Night vigil? Yes. Speaking in tongues?? SHANDALABI SKORABOSE. Every prayer I prayed it super hard. Cos divine powers had saved me. This was my penance.
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