@MooseAllain @theblokemark livens up many a dull day in the office by regularly coming out with these beauties while on the phone. Yes, I keep a list.

Happy Thursday everyone. Hope you have a great Thursday and indeed a great rest of the week

🎶 It’s the moooooost wonderful dump of the year 🎶

Me when the present opening starts and I fetch the black bag

In all my years of seeing awful things suddenly become ‘cool’, the sex offender moustache has to be the most jarring

Is it just my poor technique or is Blu-Tac not bothering to tac these days? At least it’s still blu I suppose

Guess who went to swimming already wearing trunks and forgot to bring trousers (and pants)? I would go “THIS GUY” and point at myself, but then my towel would probably fall down

Am I the only one to wave back at Dave Arch when he waves at the camera on #StrictlyComeDancing #Strictly

Is that a urinal in the back?

This has happened again. Two nights running. Firstly what is wrong with me, but secondly what professionalism to smile and serve like I’m not a weirdo

Day One and we’re off to a good start. Big can, magic five percent, camp bear

After Beavertown sullied the memory of baby Jesus in the space year 2024, I have high hopes for @vocationbrewery Making Christmas Great Again. Don’t let me down lads (and lasses) #beer #advent #AdventCalendar

Had a dream I was being chased by Richard Keys and now I can’t get back to sleep

Hello @grok - based on my profile picture, who are my celebrity lookalikes please?

I’d do that “post your celeb lookalike” thing, but there aren’t enough hours in the day

📨Check your inbox or your pod feed New episode of 'HANG IT IN THE LOUVRE' just dropped with the wonderful @webding. His three pictures got us into some proper discussions of a historic derby day, Didzy taking the knee, and John Lundstram's big toe....

Forgot to take the bin out and I’m laying that squarely at the feet of Adam Davies

Why is “tinny music played loudly from a phone on a train” always some abysmal happy hardcore? Get me a doctor on the phone (not the one playing bad music) because someone immediately needs to investigate a link between taking Es and having absolutely no self-awareness

Tom Skinner watching Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink walk out #strictly #notaphone

It’s early autumn, which can only mean one thing. That’s right, people who try to sell us stuff thinking it’s basically Christmas, so turning the spam up to 11 Any good beer advent calendars about? Current blacklist: Brewdog Beavertown Thornbridge

Just trod on some Lego