Mike Townsend
@townsendyesmate
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Head of Operations, ADA UK @WarnerMusic (He/Him) / views my own
London
Joined May 2009
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Pinned Tweet
4 years clean today, that's huge. Life is beautiful and I love everyone so much. Let's get it.
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Cant seem to sleep. Let's see if the bright light of my phone containing all the information in the entire world held inches away from my face for the next 15 minutes manages to lull me into a peaceful slumber.
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Accidentally said "please" twice when ordering a coffee earlier. "Please can I have an oat flat white please". Oh please make me a hot caffeinated beverage I will be ever so grateful. Please love me and look after me. How pathetic.
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What's with those tiny handles on the side of maple syrup bottles. Too small for human hands. So what are they for? Something horrifying I expect. Much to think about anyway.
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Dude in my building messaged the groupchat saying he ordered 20 loose carrots from tesco but they sent him 20 bags of carrots. Just gone to his flat & taken 2 off him. The bags of carrots were everywhere. He looked stressed. I fear the burden of all those carrots has broken him.
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Does anyone remember the password to my office computer. And also a single aspect of how my job works.
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Caffeine only counts when its in a hot drink. When its in a cold drink, a delicious can of diet coke for example, the body is able to reject its stimulating properties meaning you can have one as late as you want. I honestly thought everybody knew this.
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Get so sad when I finish my first coffee of the day. I will have a second one soon, but nothing beats your first. I had the whole day ahead of me when I was drinking that, the world was at my feet. Now im just some guy getting on with it.
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Just removed the word "URGENT" myself from subject line when replying to an email that clearly wasnt urgent. Felt so good to take my power back. It was added in again by the recipient literally one reply later but for a minute I lived like a king.
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I can't believe we can just have all those days off and then suddenly it's over and we have to go back to work? Just out of nowhere? What the hell man that isn't right at all
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Minus 5 degrees is fucking mental, thats not safe at all. No emails today I dont think, our focus should be on survival. Lets circle back next week once we are out of the woods.
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They should do an Outlook wrapped. Most frequently contacted, how many emails you ignored, highest word count per recipient, how many times you said the word "sorry", which sender needlessly used the most urgent flags. It would be really boring but I still want to see it.
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I receive a bathbomb as a gift every year. And I always feel anxiety over when to deploy it. Why now? What if theres a more important bath later? But u know what, as soon as i see those colours, those bright lights, I know ive chosen the right moment. Lush, you've done it again.
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Can you imagine how good a nationwide, permanent 4 day week would actually be. Just an overwhelmingly positive change for everyone. It would genuinely make life so much better in such a meaningful way. Its such a good idea that it will obviously never be allowed to happen.
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Fun night in the pub. Now to lay awake and analyse every word that left my mouth in such excruciating detail that I convince myself I am a terrible, terrible person. Its called science.
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So dehumanising writing a little blurb about yourself to the AirBnb host when u request a booking. Please sir let me pay a weeks wages so I can stay in your lodgings. I am but a humble, boring man, I am quiet as a mouse. I have no fun or disruptive friends. I love landlords ❤️
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Making a jacket potato in the oven. There's not a single meal that exists on earth which should take this long. Sitting here patiently for what must be hours now & what is my reward? Just a single potato? People have cooked up banquets, great feasts even, in less time than this.
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I really am a pathetic film rater. My letterboxd is almost entirely 4 stars, I have to despise a film to give it 3 stars or less. Truth be told I think I am just so happy to be in the cinema having a nice time that any movie in front of me is by default overwhelmingly positive.
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Guys, have you seen its pouring down with torrential rain outside right now. Yet weirdly, it was incredibly bright and sunny over the weekend. Just a few ideas for some chit chat material in your office kitchen today should you be in the mood.
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Dont forget guys, now the sun is coming out & spring is here, u need to buy more jackets. Whatever jackets u already own, u need more. If u see a nice jacket that u like, don't hesitate, make sure u purchase it. Money is temporary, a nice jacket is permanent. You deserve it.
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Absolutely love waking up and immediately consuming short form video content on my phone and completely over stimulating my mind in a strange and confusing way
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Two days is just not enough for me I'm sorry. Did a big food shop earlier, also mopped my flat yesterday. That's not leisure time, its work! You go out for one little coffee and before you know it, the weekend is over. I can't go on like this.
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Darks wash, colours wash, lights wash. Load the machine, unload the machine, put the clothes out to dry, fold the clothes & put back in the cupboard. Oh look, time for another dark wash again. It never ends, I cant take it for much longer. There has to be more to life than this.
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Hate seeing a lorry on the road like this without a trailer. Not their fault I know but they just look absolutely pathetic. Put some clothes on you are disgusting me right now.
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Saying "what time do u call this?" to a colleague if they walk into the office later than usual. Absolutely classic. Even better if they had a legitimate reason for being late that was made clear beforehand like a doctors appointment. Just good, clean fun for the whole gang.
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Just heard a woman shout "Yoo hoo!" to get a person's attention across the street. You don't hear many Yoo hoo!'s anymore do you. Shame, think it works quite well as a way of calling someone. Playful, not too demanding, does what it needs to do without ruffling any feathers.
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Just about to read an article by a regional newspaper on their website from my mobile phone. I sure hope the way they display adverts doesn't render the entire experience a total nightmare or anything.
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Love going out for dinner because if I was to eat a basket of bread before my meal at home it would be considered weird, reckless & possibly dysfunctional but in a restaurant it is considered normal, healthy and dare I say even chic
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Euthanasia
If money weren’t an object, what’s one procedure invasive or non-invasive that you’d get?
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I absolutely love squashing garlic with the back of a knife. Pressing down on the blade, leaning my entire body into it until that little bulb is obliterated beneath me. I dont fuck with garlic crushers, I keep it all anologue, all raw power. Just me and the garlic.
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I just heard on the news that its too dark in the morning so work is actually cancelled. Its a nationwide thing, isnt that crazy. Enjoy your day off everyone.
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Poor man. Likely one of the lowest points of his life, now posted online forever. People even tagging the police in the comments. If u watch this & your first reaction is to ridicule or be punitive then you're just not a good person I dont think. I hope he finds recovery one day.
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I am absolutely speechless at how light and sunny it is right now. I know the clocks change like this every year but it just feels different this time. I feel overwhelmed with joy, I could high five the sky. I want to sleep outside tonight.
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What on earth are those Cadburys mini eggs laced with. Just the mere scent of that sweet dusty shell will have me howling at the moon like a wolf. Bravo.
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They absolutely killed it when they came up with chocolate oranges. Well done Terry mate you've played a blinder there, buy yourself a cold one on me.
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Home all evening with no plans. Perfect excuse to hold my phone up close to my face for 5 hours & continuously flick between 4 different social media apps & my emails until my mind is too tired to think about anything sad & I can finally become unconscious.
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This was my dream as a child, to have an accidental slip at work and receive financial compensation. Instead I just do emails and meetings. Sad.
This advert is one of those things you think about wide awake at 3 in the morning
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Do people not understand how much difference an extra £783 takehome per month would make to your life!
This type of shit breaks my heart and no wonder why people evade tax lol i am so angry.
£49,999 per year vs £65,000 per year
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Saw something beautiful the other day. A train car wash. I watched it go all the way through that thing. End to end. It was so clean afterwards. My goodness.
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Felt faint on the bus like I was gonna pass out, but instead of alerting someone for help I got off at the next stop & walked to a spot behind a wall & just sat there waiting to lose consciousness in private. Pretty sure housecats do this too when they're about to die. My guys.
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Blocked so many numbers since I got clean but every now and then you get a message from one that's slipped through the net. 10/10 for emoji usage though. Almost sorry to have to block you mate but I wish you all the best.
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Wasted like 3 working hours talking about the glasgow willy wonka experience in the office today. Reckon I can get another couple in before 6pm. I love this shit. People should do mad and fraudulent things like this more often.
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Boss just referred to having lunch at your desk at work as "al desko" lol. Love all that.
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BeReal going off at 10.30pm is insane. I'm in bed right now fighting demons on several fronts as I try desperately to force myself into unconsciousness. This is no time for photographs.
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(Watching a foreign language movie with subtitles at home on the sofa whilst looking at my phone for the first 20 minutes) hmm, something not really grabbing me about this film to be honest
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Misleading how they put a picture of a baby on these. These aren't for children they are for me, a grown man.
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there's too many Claphams on the northern line I'm sorry. why am I arriving in Clapham three times?? what sort of purgatory have I been trapped in? might as well be called the Clapham line. pathetic. ive had enough. but otherwise I wish it all the best.
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This dude was born to perform, what a showman. Love him.
More disruption at
#Wimbledon
! Another Just Stop Oil protester gets onto Court 18 with a jigsaw and confetti!
@BBCSport
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Seen like 10 tiktoks going on about this bakery and I'm just gonna say it: these croissants are too big and there is nothing inherently desirable about taking a really nice thing and supersizing it.
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One year on The Apprentice they should let an experienced senior manager with a proven career in project management be a contestant. Just some guy who is easy to work with, is liked & respected by his peers & has a healthy balance of self belief & humility. A really good dude.
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Do I want to change career and uproot my entire life or is it just 6pm on a Sunday
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Online shops need to outlaw returns where u print the label. Do I look like I own a printer. Do I look like I buy the little ink cartridges from Argos & have a stack of paper in my bedroom. This isnt the 1920s we have phones & all sorts of cool shit now, lets work together here.
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Throw all my shoes, coats and bags in there so that it becomes more and more cluttered over time until it starts to kind of stress me out and have a detrimental effect on my emotional wellbeing
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Love seeing people eating homemade overnight oats at their desks in their little jars. You put the time in & backed yourself & now you're reaping the rewards. Pleasure to watch you work. Enjoy mate.
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Couple sitting next to me in this cafe chain smoking cigarettes whist calmy having a seemingly quite serious argument about infidelity. Undeniably very chic it has to be said. I hope they both win.
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Got refused entry for Wembley stadium because my tote bag was over the A4 sized limit. Only had my wallet in it, so I took it out, folded the tote up & put it in my pocket, then walked to another entrance & got in. What a rush. Fugitive from the law right now. I love tote bags.
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Just gonna go to the CoOp by mine to spend about 18 pounds on like 3 items of food that I don't particularly need if anyone wants anything
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Love the Bakerloo line. Sitting on my little sofa in my cosy little carriage as I rattle around violently towards my destination.
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Just progressed to talking stage with my gym bro. Instead of nodding our heads when we walked past each other I went "morning mate" and he did the same. We've gone verbal. So exciting, I'm absolutely ecstatic about this. I love you man.
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What are we going to do when it's June and there isn't any bank holidays. And don't even get me started about July. We should have two bank holidays every month of the year without question. I seriously do not see any downsides to this.
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Just paid £2.70 for a flat white & I almost fell to my knees in gratitude. Starting to feel like 2016 in here all of a sudden. Looking around the coffee shop for signs that this is actually the headquarters of some kind of charitable organisation rather than a legitimate business
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Love it when you're in a mini tesco & u just know that for no reason, the security guard has made u his project. He's at the end of every aisle. His eyes burn into the back of your skull when u pay. When u leave, a respectful nod is exchanged. An honour dueling with u sir.
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Riddle me this. Why should I, a kind and innocent person, who's only crime was to put my clothes inside the washing machine, now have to unload those clothes and then hang them up to dry? Where is the humanity in that? My goodness
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The dude at the tills in pret just now was like "how can I help you my friend" and then charged me £8.40 for a tiny box of salad. Friends don't do that to each other man. They just don't.
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Would hate to work from home every day because id miss out on one of my favourite pastimes: gossiping. I love receiving gossip, dispersing gossip, circulating & disseminating gossip, being both the architect & analyser of gossip. I love it all. Any time, anywhere, any place.
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Once I accidentally k-holed and then cried hysterically on my own in a pub during the afternoon and I saw a child laughing at me. Therefore it is my opinion that Children should not be allowed inside pubs because I found that personally quite embarrassing.
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Yes bro come over we're huffing the fumes from an empty bag of Mini Eggs
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Pancake day. Lemon, sugar, thin little crepe, what more do you need. Simple, elegant, classic, for grown ups. For the thinking man. Let's get it.
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Love being on the Victoria line & suddenly you pass through a station called Warren Street. In zone 1 of all places! What the hell is Warren Street. What are you even doing here, shoulder to shoulder with big hitters like Euston & Oxford Circus. Good for you man, whoever you are.
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Pros of bringing a packed lunch from home into work: saves money, time, let's me eat more mindfully and healthily
Cons: literally so fucking boring and makes my life feel considerably worse as a result
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Wearing a new outfit in the office today. Regret it. It's giving my mum bought me new clothes for Christmas and aren't I a smart little boy vibe. Bought these myself with my own money but no one will believe that now will they.
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Starting to think I might not win that three million pound house in the heart of London that I paid £10 to enter a raffle for on instagram 5 weeks ago you know
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Very cold in my flat. I wont be turning my heating on though. Duvet on the sofa, fleece over my jumper, hot water bottle in bed, I could go on. Big Heating has no idea the lengths I will go to keep my body warm before I give them a penny of my money. Im prepared to die for this.
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Dude in front of me in the shop with eggs, flour and sugar in his basket. Oh I know what you're making when you get home. Enjoy pal.
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Absolutely nothing worse than burning an oven pizza. Literally the simplest task in the world and I fucked it up because I was on my phone. No plan b in the fridge, confidence too rocked to even eat now anyway. God I feel horrible about this, what a total nightmare.
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Time to turn on my TV and see what this horrible little c*nt has to say
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If you spend too much on the weekend immediately after payday they should let you start again on Monday. That wasn't fair of you to give me all that money on a Friday guys what else was I supposed to do. Why not give this old dog a second chance.
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Payday on a Friday is it? Wouldn't it be such a shame if I was to, oh I don't know, completely fucking ruin my entire budget for the month by living massively beyond my means all weekend for no particular reason
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I was cycling past Winter Wonderland earlier & just thinking, what if I just went there on my own. Straight from work, pop in, drink some hot chocolate, eat some chips, go on a few rides, then just go home. Im literally an adult, who could realistically stop me doing any of that.
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Spent like half a day decluttering my flat this weekend and it has completely removed my desire or neccessity to move lol. Sorry estate agents but delete my number im going nowhere.
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(My brightly lit phone screen inches away from my face as I lay in bed at 1am) hmmmm not sleeping very well at the moment 🤔
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Think I'm in a weird place mentally at the moment because my first reaction when I watched this was "aw that's lovely"
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Best things when you're on a little city break holiday
1. The food
2. The culture
3. Checking your phone at the end of the day to see how many steps you've done
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Sunday morning at home, no plans, wearing a dressing gown & just drinking a cup of tea. Parent's absolutely went off when they invented this didnt they. Used to see it in action when I was a kid & just had no idea how many levels there were to it. What an incredible vibe this is.
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Love eating muller corners. What wonderful creation shall I make next. Mix the corner into the main pool all at once? Or on a spoonful by spoonful basis perhaps? Surely not eat both individually? Crazy yes, but why shouldn't I? Im the chef tonight. Im in charge. This is my house.
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Just putting another clothes wash on. The last clothes wash has just finished drying on the rack. Suppose I'll need to put those in for a wash again in a few days as well.
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The Monzo app loves saying shit like "you have spent £16 so far today 👍" and it will be 8:45 in the morning and you have literally been out the house for about 7 minutes
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(Hears about a guy who has worked through a serious mental health issue now putting his recovery into action and adhering to all the court mandated stipulations in order to spend time with his children) wow this dude really is a piece of shit huh
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Insane how much it fucks your weekly budget when u dont do a big food shop on the weekend. Use the mini tesco after work every night to pick up dinner & u basically need to start considering insolvency proceedings by thursday. I promise to always make time for u from now on Lidl.
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Japanese Taxi:
We didn’t know you could take the train from the airport to Shinjuku
So we told our taxi driver where we wanted to go and he about collapsed and then starting laughing maniacally !
I was worried it meant Shinjuku was a bad spot, but he was shocked how far we…
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Love how TFL still advertise in London. They even have posters on the tube. I'm here already guys and there is literally no alternative so don't worry about the ads I'm very much a customer.
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My top 5 artists on Spotify Wrapped this year contains one who has been cancelled. But your honour they were cancelled in August and the data will show that all my listening took place in the months before. I would therefore like to strike this from the record.
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Easy to say that shopping in M&S is for tories but their self service tills without scales do make it incredibly easy to get stuff for free. So all in all I'd call them an ally.
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Got an alarm app where u do 20 squats holding your phone to disable it. Set a later alarm yesterday, forgot to cancel it so it went off as I was cycling just now. Got off my bike, tried to stop it on the app, didnt work. Just ended up doing the squats by the road in the rain. Sad
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BeReal going off at 10.30pm is it. Suppose I better obediently take a picture of myself barely awake whilst laying down on the sofa watching TV alone so that the only 3 friends I have left who are using it can see.
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The best type of pancake is the humble lemon and sugar. I always respect anyone who tries to innovate but we've had the Rolls Royce right here in the garage the entire time. Let's pay our dues to the classics for a minute shall we. Enjoy everyone.
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Got zero data to back this up but there is something weird going on with spiders in the UK at the moment. They're getting bigger and they're getting bolder. I'm not scared or anything though just an observation.
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Nothing on earth tastes better than biscuits someone has brought into the office. A packet of Bourbons out in the real world? Boring, generic, barely even worth registering. But in work? Those things look majestic, taste sublime, I suppose I better eat at least 9 to start with
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I hear your points about how much money iv spent today monzo. Not denying it. But what about the money I didnt spend. I had loads of chances to spend more money & I bravely decided not to. Really think u should consider both sides before u start throwing these big numbers around.
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