total Barça
@totalBarca
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News and opinion about the best team on the planet. We enjoy swearing.
Joined September 2009
Everyone assumed this was his mom, but it was the national team cook! So awesome .
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I’ve watched this video several times a day for the last 5 days. Scaloni is all of us.
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Atleti down to 10 men
If Celta get any kind of result against Atletico tonight, I will finally reveal my identity to the world 🤝.
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Stuff like this reminds me why we love this sport: . This is Valentina, a 60 year old Venezuelan cleaner, who has been cleaning the toilets at the Bernabéu for the past 25 years. Today, they invited her onto the bench, gave her a jersey and allowed her to watch the game. Class ❤️
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He triggered the Bayern bench on Wednesday . He triggered that fat Ancelotti today. Marcus Sorg. I fucking love you.
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🚨 BREAKING: Real Madrid will not win the treble this season. This is upholding their tradition of never winning a treble. 123 years in a row.
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🚨 Real Madrid today equalled the record for most sexual offenders fielded at the same time (2). The original record was held by, Real Madrid, when Karim Benzema and Cristiano Ronaldo started together.
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HE WAS 22 YEARS OLD FFS.
Barcelona fans recognize Messi as the best player in club's history at 43%, ahead of Cruyff (23%) and Ronaldinho (15%) in a recent poll.
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Resist the temptation to tear down Xavi while praising Hansi Flick. Flick’s Barça is only possible because of the work invested by his predecessor.
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🚨 BREAKING: Anti-Doping officials have just discovered a box of Ozempic in Jude Bellingham’s locker at Montjuic. More to folllow.
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Luuk de Jong: “I worked very hard at Barça and never let my head down. In the end, the Camp Nou chanted my name, and that makes me very proud. I am very happy that they are doing so well.”. The man is an honorary Culé 🫡
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🚨 BREAKING: Jules Koundé has allegedly MESSED UP the Cobblestone Generator
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We turned up to your €3bn stadium . With your €1bn team of ‘galactico’s’. 7 La Masia kids in the XI. We put our defence on the halfway line. And we absolutely fucking humiliated you. You will never recover from this. INFINITELY SUPERIOR.
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Aitana Bonmatí has received all kinds of insults for giving her Ballon d'Or speech in Catalan. Her reply: "What can I say? It's my language, the language I use every day. I wanted to give it value and I ask for it to be recognised at a European level."
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Predictably, the Spanish nationalists are furious. They want Inigo to be removed from the Spain Team.
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In honour of his UCL debut, let us remind you that Raul Asencio is a sex offender and should be in jail 👏🔥
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At 26, Dani Olmo was the oldest player on the bench for Barca tonight! 👶
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🚨 The office have all sat back down now. It was a false alarm, Laporta was refreshing the wrong bank website. No money has been received. @gerardromero.
🚨🚨🚨Barça have received the last €28 million from the VIP seats!!!. The entire office is stood up and applauding!. Barça are back to 1:1 and Dani Olmo’s registration can be made official!!. Massive scenes in the offices right now.
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Xavi took the job that nobody else wanted to take, a team in 9th place in the league, with no money and drowning in debt. He then promoted every youngster he could, developed them, personally recruited some stars, and won the league by 10 points. The foundations were laid.
“I don’t think Hansi Flick started a new era…Xavi did.”. Thierry Henry discuss the impact Xavi has had on Barcelona's current young squad 👏
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Everybody remembers this clip with Gavi a few weeks ago after he took a knock to the head. That was Carles, he has protected and made sure our players are ok for the last 8 years ❤️
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Iñaki fucking Peña. That goalpost is yours. You have passed both of the tests. What a fucking comeback.
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Came to us when we were struggling, took a lower wage, scored a load of goals and secured us UCL football. One of the best free transfers we’ll ever make. Thank you, @Auba ❤️
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Adama will earn around €15,000 a week at Barça. He rejected €120,000 a week from Spurs a couple of days earlier.
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Hansi Flick has returned to his hotel room in Barcelona to have a shower and change his clothes. The shower lasted for 8 minutes and 31 seconds, on a 109 F temperature. Via @gerardromero.
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Dembele is such a mysterious and unique sporting figure. Impossible to dislike him.
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Gerard Martin will officially be promoted to the Barcelona first team next season.
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🚨Eden Zhegrova (Lille) - “My dream has always been Barcelona”. “I will not stop until I achieve it”
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Barça concede 3 with the high line = “Suicidal, they’re awful at defending” . Inter concede 3 while having all 11 players in their own box at all times = “Masters of defending, wow so impressive” . Make it make sense.
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Madrid are the worst losers in football history. If Vinicius had won it tonight, Rodri & Man City would have turned up and applauded . Messi & Barça turned up multiple times to see Ronaldo (unfairly) win it. You cannot buy class. And that scum institution has none.
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🚨 BREAKING: Robert Lewandowski has reportedly attempted to SLEEP IN THE NETHER
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Only one Barca first-team player has been healthy for every single match this season. He's from Brazil.
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This stat makes Lewandowski look so good. 107 games less 🥵.
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It took over a decade, but my god we actually have a fully functional right back.
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“Messi would have sang it too if he was on the bus” . In 2021 he stopped his teammates from singing a song about Brazilians (a far less offensive one than the French one) . He would have shut that shit down instantly.
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How is this stat still factual 3 weeks later 😭😭😭.
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Mbappe is offside by about 7 miles, yet this still went to VAR…. Once they’d established he was offside, they start looking for a possible penalty 😂. Watching a M*drid game is like watching a different sport with different rules.
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Szczesny I forgive you for everything. That save against Di Maria won us the game . You fucking hero.
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Polish referee Szymon Marciniak: They gave him the World Cup Final in the winter, and now the Champions League Final this summer.
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Destiny Kosiso has scored 87 goals in 22 games for Barça’s youth team. He is 9 years old 🇳🇬
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Hansi Flick’s Apple Watch giving him a decibel warning 😂😂😂
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22 years old. Only 3 full seasons in the first team. Very important to stress that he is not normal, and will never be seen again, in any sport, in any era.
Barcelona fans recognize Messi as the best player in club's history at 43%, ahead of Cruyff (23%) and Ronaldinho (15%) in a recent poll.
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Frenkie de Jong, are you serious?!. Came on and controlled the game. 6 months out with injury? No fucking problem. We’ve got our midfield maestro back 😭
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He disappears for 9 months, comes back and you remember just how fucking good he is…
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We can all celebrate the contributions that Hansi Flick brings to this team without denigrating the work that Xavi did to set it all up. It all started last season.
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Madrid fans thought Barça losing in Monaco was hilarious two weeks ago. They’ve now just lost to a team behind Monaco in Ligue 1, with 11 men…. 😂😂😂.
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Neymar: “I spoke to Messi before the World Cup final and I told him: 'I didn't make it, but since you did, win the World Cup.'”
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In 2029, France Football will award the second Super Ballon d'Or in history, which rewards the best player of the last 30 years. It's going to be a bloodbath.
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Vamos dortmund.
Vamos barca.
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"Is this the best version of your team?". 🗣️ Xavi: “Not yet.”. BOOM!
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2 goal-saving blocks in 2 seconds. Ronald Federico Araújo da Silva, the man that you are.
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No dives. No time-wasting. Solid referee. 2 teams just fucking going for it. This is football.
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Real Madrid were gifted a penalty today for a foul that happened about 7 miles outside of the box. If Barça win the league this season, it will be the greatest achievement in football history.
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Everybody laughed…. You’re not laughing anymore.
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The love that the Barça fanbase consistently shows for Luuk de Jong is heartwarming.
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IF we win tomorrow:. 3 points behind Atleti.4 points behind M*drid. The best news? They play against each other next week.
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Can’t stop laughing at this photo. Why’s HustleHard in the middle holding the trophy like he’s won it 😭😭😭
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Emi Martínez: "My dream was to give Leo Messi a title with the national team".
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Pedri: "I could barely move. I had muscle cramps, but my happiness at having won a title with my dream team, and dedicating this victory to my family, made me forget the fatigue."
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These two have been so good I almost forgot that our 2 other CB’s are still injured 😭
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Midfield next season:. Pedri 🇪🇸.Frenkie 🇳🇱.Busquets 🇪🇸.Gavi 🇪🇸.Nico 🇪🇸.Kessie 🇨🇮.
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ERIC GARCIA: "Every time I was bored, I gave the ball to Vinicius. And then took it back.”.
🎙️ERIC GARCIA: “Cada vez que me aburria se la daba a Vinicius para luego quitarsela”.
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Alexia: "I hope Barça fans can go to two Champions league Finals". VAMOS!!!!!
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🚨🚨 Nico Williams & Deco have spoken every single day for the last month. They communicate together on the app ‘Snapchat’ and currently have a 34 day ‘snap streak’ 🔥. It is believed that they send selfies to each other throughout the day 📸. @gerardromero.
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You can see it in his face: he knew this was a chance to win it all.
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It's even worse in motion. Ref standing 10 feet away. VAR not interested. Holy shit: how can you be a fan of this club?.
Es que no puede ser. Juegan con otras putas reglas.
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La Liga TV commentary is getting worse and worse . You can literally hear the pain in their voices after we score 😂😂😂.
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