shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes… no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch

leaving this hellsite for blue sky - see you over there 👋🏼

entertaining in a NYC apartment requires sending out an emergency aid request to anyone who owns chair

please do not disturb me, I’m on a roll on linkedin

“Your body, my cho—”

my boyfriend revealed something so grim and distressing to me today. he told me he has never sung happy birthday out loud, only ever mouthed it. the men are not okay.

buying a gun is not enough

as an empath, I couldn’t stand seeing Austin Powers lose his mojo

“Male loneliness epidemic” have we considered that they deserve to be lonely because they suck

I need Bernie Sanders to take The Substance…hot Bernie could turn this whole thing around for us

it’s time the woke mob starting acting like the mob mob. you take my rights away, say goodbye to your kneecaps. you hurt my family? you’re dead. I’m talking intimidation, violence and deli meats.

now more than ever I need a comedic 60 sec reel from a white boy content creator

Guy that’s really good at voting

the state of vagina is leading Harris

they really went off naming it poop… like that shit is poop

if you’re not cropdusting on the LIRR, you do not respect tradition

remember when waterboarding was in the news and the weird kids at school wanted to know what it felt like? well I just had a horrible nights sleep on a slowly deflating airbed and I think that might actually be worse

how do parisians make eating outside at a little cafe table look so chic? if I’m eating outside, the floor is my trash can, manners do not exist, I am one with the rats. my mouth is messy and I cast my dirty napkins wayward with the wind

SUN 10/20: @IamThirtyAF presents NOSTALGIAWEEN, a #Halloween comedy show and party hosted by @JennyGorelick and @theglennisshow with a killer lineup on Sunday, October 20th!🎃✨ Featuring @ElyKreimendahl, @meeshibee, @longislanddirt, and MORE! 🎟: https://t.co/xn8GKq6zV1

my apple watch just asked me to take part in a mental health day challenge knowing damn well every day my mental health is a challenge

my credit card interest saving balance is $1,111…make a wish 🥰