glennis ❤️🔥
@theglennisshow
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nevertheless she locked in | standup | sketches | relatable traumatized girl📍NYC | host of Come to Mommy | see me live 🎟️ in bio
New York, USA
Joined January 2021
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Pinned Tweet
shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes… no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch
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what if we kissed on the purely decorative Popeyes balcony
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everybody has a drawer in their home that contains both garbage and the most important documents a human can have
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sorry I’m late, my cat and I were exchanging slow blinks
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Netflix is pushing this Dahmer show way too hard, just finished a lovely episode of Great British Bake-off, the most wholesome show available and then you’re autoplaying the promo for the cannibal show??? I’m begging you to please read the room
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can’t say nothin to me when I’m rockin the barkenstocks
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do you think the ikea assembly buddies ever explored each other’s BJÖDIES?
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shower at a guy’s place and he’ll give you his most clean-ish towel
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we’re gonna make living through the pandemic our whole personality like our grandparents did with war aren’t we? goddammit
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bring back milkmen but they deliver cold brew every morning
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whenever my grandma talks about how my grandpa pursued her romantically I’m like girl…you were being harassed…
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the feminine urge to shave your big toe before a hookup
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when you Irish exit as a group, that’s called a river dance
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every 12 years or so, machine gun titties return to the cultural conversation
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really can’t stand it when I drive the Chevy to the levy but the levy is dry
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I’ve always felt like this picture gave off morning after two friends hooked up vibes
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the supply chain has so many issues I’m about to fall in love with it
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my dad is drinking at 10:45am and referred to his gf of 10 years by his ex wife’s name! Merry Christmas Eve!
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big “murdered my husband and have no regrets” mugshot energy for my new license photo
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a kid on tiktok referred to a woman born in 1992 as a cougar, so if you don’t mind my plans for this evening will be clawing my eyes out
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if Nancy Reagan was really a throat goat theres no way her man could run a country, my sloppy toppy got fellas forgetting basic arithmetic
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muting now: I know I can ignore it, I probably will watch it, but not in the immediate aftermath of a daytime watch of GBBO! buncha silly billies in the replies xoxo
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I refuse to date. I don’t want to get to know each other over drinks. Be obsessed with me from the jump and figure me out from a series of clues I leave for you to decipher. Then and only then can we wed.
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thrifted this romper and it seems as though it was made for me?
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if you see a kid in a Spider-Man costume and don’t say out loud “oh my god…is that Spider-Man???” you’re wrong for that
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cool hater energy bro, would be a shame if it were merely a reflection of how you feel about yourself
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I masturbated in front of my cat and she retaliated by eating her own ass
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my ex finally blocked me so I can drag him more openly: he misquoted me on his pod citing that I said I wanted a hot girl summer when I dumped him. that’s not true, I said I wanted to enjoy my summer (aka not with him) and he said I want you to have a hot girl summer (which I am)
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okay what if WE audit the IRS??? has anyone thought of this
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Pete Davidson seen on a rollercoaster holding hands with Big Mouth Billy Bass
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sorry I keep trying to monetize my hobbies I was raised by boomers who made my lovability seem contingent on my achievement which in a capitalist society is tethered to financial freedom so
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I SAID YES!!! 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💍💍💍💍💍 to something I actually didn’t wanna do!
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“your trauma made you strong” no it actually made me unable to remember my childhood
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whatsamatter babe? you’ve barely touched your sweet potussy
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yes I’m turning 30 this year, yes I am a hot teen, we exist
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pumpkin is a vegetable therefore pumpkin bread is a salad, no further questions at this time
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I went for a run & a little girl ran alongside me for a bit. I ask her “are we racing?” & she said “yes!” so we pick up the pace & run together laughing for like 100 yds & I go “where’s your mommy?” & she said “back there!” y’all I just sprinted off with a random child…
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is timothée chalamet a good actor or does he just have an angular face?
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got my 2nd dose and a mf mosquito just tried to gank my antibodies. absolutely not lil guy
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my group chat of roughly 40 extremely online women/enbies will from time to time choose a man to be our collective internet boyfriend. to qualify he must be an unhinged himbo with less than 400 followers and completely oblivious of us
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I dated a guy who wanted me to call him daddy but hated when I said peepee and it’s like MAKE UP YOUR MIND AM I BABY OR AM I NOT
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a woman walked in on me in a bathroom stall and screamed “OH! OH MY GOD! NO!” as if the bad thing happened to HER
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had multiple ex bfs who didn’t want me wearing certain swimsuits or showing off my body and to them I say fuck you
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I lived in England for 13 years and people will often ask me if I miss it. honestly what I miss most is being able to use ‘cunt’ as a term of endearment
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I have a short skirt, I have a long jacket, now what?
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I will pay a handsome fee to be the baby for just 5 sweet minutes
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you ever get into bed just to make the day end sooner?
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joke by me but got the pic from here!
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opened a pizza box in the dark, thinking it would light up like a fridge. it didn’t, but they should make that
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