this girl just asked to take a pic with me and i was like of course and she handed the phone to her boyfriend to take it and IT WAS MAX RUSSO FROM WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE HE WAS LIKE “thank you” i was like “thank you?????”
isn't it a crazy thing when your friend gets cheated on or fucked over and they make you HATE their ex by crying & shit but then they take them back & you have to like be nice to this person that you hate?? because they're dating ur friend?? even tho ur friend made u hate them??
dude today my assistant Natalie looked so good and I was like “Nat you look so pretty today” and she was like
“thanks! you cancelled your makeup artist in your sleep and still had to pay for it so i went and got the glam!”
for the past two days i’ve been coincidentally napping when David texted me “what are you doing” so i just changed his text tone to an alarm tone because 2020 is not a year of fucking up my bag
i’m feeling feisty:
i don’t care if u think my wedding’s real. i don’t care if u think my marriage is real. i don’t care if u think Jake and I don’t love each other. i don’t care if u think getting married fast is a bad idea. i don’t care if you think it’s gonna last. OOPS!
guys i’m still cash apping ppl and have been all day! i encourage anybody who follows me with money and or clout to do the same. let’s help those who need it rn !!! who needs money still??
last night i walked past chris brown like INCHES OF SPACE in between us and he puts his hand on my shoulder and goes “YOU NOT GONNA SAY EXCUSE ME!?”
????????????
Someone just threw a glass of champagne at jake and I at the fucking altar holy fuck HAAHAHAHAHAHA. jana don’t need no press. wow. just married. honestly made it better.... to slow dance while they scream. i love you
@jakepaul
..... hello tana paul!
jake just blew up my phone hella calls and i call him back like “i’m filming is it important” and he goes “i just wanna know if jeffree star is fucking kanye west” i-
i met a fan this weekend and after we took pics i asked her to take a picture of my mom and i with my phone. so i hand her my phone and open on the screen was my to do list and the top thing was “write a will” and she just looked at me like 😳 and i was like 🥴
bro i’m so fucking high right now that i spilled a half of bottle of water all over myself and in my head i was like “i can’t drink this water now because i spilled it. i might as well pour the rest on me” SO I POURED THIS WHOLE BOTTLE OF WATER ALL OVER MYSELF LIKE REFLEXES...
This fan just came to me and told me that yesterday she couldn’t get to the front of billie eilish so she squatted and peed right there and everyone moved and she went front row. i attract my kind.
i saw jeffree star for 30 seconds at some time this week but it’s a blur- we plotted to a suck a dick and then parted ways. the only kind of friendship i need in 2020.
this guy just came up to me in a club and said “you look a lot like tana mongeau”
and i go “yeah i get that a lot”
and he goes “damn that sucks i feel bad for you” hahahaahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahah
r u ever SO depressive once a day u hold ur pee cause u literally can’t work up the ENERGY to get up and go pee so u hold ur pee for hours in excruciating pain fighting with urself in ur head to JUST GET UP but u CAN’T or is that just me
bro after a long ass day it really be the little things. like water is so hydrating. laying down is so incredible. make up wipes FUCKING SLAP. have you ever taken a FUCKING SOCK OFF
i have this weed dealer in New York called weed god and if u want weed from him you have to text him “bless me” and “bless me” ONLY and he just finds u and brings u weed i stg
update: Riley Reid’s tits were out on the jet. we almost crashed. my assistant is trying to serve Lil Mosey Tequila as a flight attendant. I just rode Jake in front of his mom. the flight attendant is a bridesmaid now. family channels are vlogging the front row.
#JanaForever
juice’s music changed my life. i loved his rawness & ability to turn so much pain into something so beautiful. he was always so kind 2 everyone. the only thing he ever said to me was “keep up what ur doing. you kids are the future.” that is something that has always stuck w me.💔
this girl just walked right INTO ME and goes “watch out”
and without missing a beat i go “watch out where you’re going in life with that cunt ass attitude”
i think she didn’t hear
i need coffee
i’m rly tryna stay outta this fight shit but ur dizzy bro. u waited in line after five fans and took a pic. ur girlfriend in my DMS. leave me outta this
david is a daca recipient which means he literally risked his life in the us to go out and protest and is out here donating 50 racks. we love to see it
natalie WOULD not get in the ocean like was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED and the guy she’s talking to goes “if you jump in i’ll date you” AND SHE OLYMPIC DOVE MICHAEL PHELPS TO HIS ASS IN .2 SECONDS and goes “i’m NOT leaving this ocean without a boyfriend”
i’m like......... I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ABOUT TO SAY THIS..... seriously.....
having? baby? fever?
i think? i like? kids?
IS THIS BECAUSE IM IN LOVE????? WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME? IM LOSING EVERYTHING I KNOW?
I KEEP SEEING KIDS AND THINKING... “aww” .... AWWW? WTF?
it’s so funny when I was dating Bella every press outlet would be so quick to call us best friends & disvalidate our relationship but the second we break up and are both only dating men every press outlet only refers to us as exes.................🤒
Drake calls out fan in the crowd who was groping women at a club during his performance: “If you don’t stop putting your hands on girls I’m gonna f*ck you up!”
lol this is hilarious i deff dont hate you and for sure turned the opposite direction of you no shoulder check. lets hangout and talk about how bitchy girls are to other girls
@tanamongeau
dm me 👅👅👅