Wendy Liebman ☮️
@WendyLiebman
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40,830
Following
10,658
Media
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Statuses
30,884
I hope you feel light. I’m on Threads. For a PDF copy of my book Swear on Lily, go to the last page of my website:
Los Angeles, CA
Joined November 2009
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こどもの日
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LOSE MY BREATH MV TEASER 2
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I know the world’s a shitshow but I finally found a good bra.
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I was on The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson 31 years ago today.
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I had nitrous at the dentist today and I realized the problem with drugs is that they end.
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It takes me 12 hours to fall asleep and then 12 to wake up.
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I was just whining about losing an hour tonight and then I realized I just lost a freaking year.
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My Uber driver forgot I was in the back seat and started driving home.
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I haven’t worn a bra for more than a year. Now when a guy is looking at my breasts I’ll have to say, “Hey Buddy, they’re down there.”
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32 years ago I was on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I’m still nervous.
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Randy Rainbow should also be on the ticket. 💜
Kamala! Kamala! She's fin'ly come to save the day.
Kamala! Kamala! Gurl, don't get in her way. 👑🎶🛡
#Kamala
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In the 90s I had two auditions at the same time, one for a tv pilot, one for a commercial. Someone suggested I go to the commercial audition because the pilot would never be picked up. And that show was: FRIENDS.
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I once dragged a friend to a play and after four minutes she whispered, I’m going to kill you! And I whispered back, Can you do it now.
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You know who’s happy that Thanksgiving is canceled? Dennis Quaid.
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Hi! Please help a hero, Michael Fanone, who helped defend the Capital on January 6th 2021. Every penny will go to him and his family. Please consider contributing, even a small amount. And if you can't contribute financially, please consider reposting.
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Twitterverse, I was hit in a crosswalk and my legs are fucked up but seven days later all I can think about is how
the ambulance guy said, “We have a 57 year old woman, approximately 130 pounds.” 😳
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Right about now, someone at Amazon is yelling to co-workers, "She just bought something else."
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During the pandemic I gave away clothes that didn’t spark joy, and now I have no clothes.
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At what age am I supposed to get my realtor license?
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I have low self-esteem. I only ever ask to speak to the assistant manager.
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Since turning 56 I’ve been forgetting things. Like that I’m 59.
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We landed on Mars?! I haven't been to the supermarket in eleven months.
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I have a joke about A.I. that practically wrote itself.
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L.A. is all smoke and mirrors, and by that I mean pot and cocaine.
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I love Randy Rainbow and I love this!
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My husband and I started having a lot of sex recently because we want grandchildren.
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I’m the opposite of psychic: I don’t even know what happened.
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My theory is that 4:20 was originally 4:00, but, you know, stoners.
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Buying new jeans that are already ripped is like buying a pre-dented car.
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I never ran away from home, but when I was six I asked everybody else to move out.
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My dentist said if I floss every day I'll live about six years longer than people who don't floss, and I'm like, but that's six more years I'll have to floss!
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I’m 5’1”.
People say I look taller on TV.
I’m like “That’s cause I’m standing on a TV.”
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They should have
@Jeopardy
on weekends only for players who lost to
@AmodioMatt
@KenJennings
and
@James_Holzhauer
.
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@davidhogg111
I only know you through social media and TV but I’m beaming for you. You’ve sparked so much good change. You deserve joy and ease. 💜☮️
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The President usually gets grayer as his term continues. With this President it’s happening to the rest of us.
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One of my first jokes was, "Someone just thought I was Lady Di. Then I found out he was just telling me what to do."
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I once got fired from a job because I thought Casual Friday meant I could come in on Monday.
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I had the Johnson & Johnson vaccine and now I’m a family company.
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I went to a really fancy health club. They had a spiral Stairmaster.
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There are eight days of Hanukkah. One for each spelling.
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When I was little I wanted to be a Go-Go dancer. My grandmother said, "Go-Go dancers are sad girls from bad families." And I thought "Perfect!"
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I dated a musician once who used to play his songs for me over the phone. Then I found out he was just putting me on hold.
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Randy Rainbow at his best! 😂
From the new musical LITTLE SHQP QF HQRRQRS... This one goes out to all the congress Karens! 🙋🏼♀️🎶
#GurlYoureAKaren
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I used to stuff my bra. So if you got to second base with me you found that the bases were loaded.
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My phone said “No service,” because I wasn’t wearing a shirt.
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Someone once asked me if I was pregnant. I said no. But I’m expecting an apology.
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@mitchsweiss
If you had told her that soon she would spend forty-five minutes on Etsy searching for the perfect mask, she would have said, “What are you huffing?”
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I’m in a movie!
In the brutal world of stand-up, these women are shattering comedy’s glass ceiling. Get a FIRST LOOK at FX’s new feature documentary,
#HystericalFX
. Premieres 4/2 on FX, next day
#FXonHulu
.
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I bought a weighted blanket but I couldn’t afford the shipping.
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My commencement speech message would be: Pick a job based on what you want to wear to work.
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CAPTCHA just asked me to put together a desk from IKEA.
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During the pandemic I’ve lost electricity, I’ve lost water, I’ve lost work and human interaction. But I’ve also gained SO much. Weight.
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I won't pay to be verified. I go to therapy for that.
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Sixty tomorrow and I still don't have a brand or know how to do a smokey eye.
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23 and Me said I had four outstanding parking tickets in Boston.
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Married 17 years but still have the JUST MARRIED sign and cans on the back of my car so people are nicer.
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Um, just found out I am older than Rose on The Golden Girls. By four years.
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Randy Rainbow does it again! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
This might be the gayest thing to happen for George Santos since he won the Tony Award for Best Leading Actress in a Musical... 🎶🌂
#HeyThereGeorgyGurl
#NewVideo
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An Uber driver once forgot I was in the back seat and started driving home. I gave him 5 stars because it’s a great story that proves that I’m not always talking.
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I got to open for Richard Belzer at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge in the mid 80s and then in the early 90s in Denver. He was always encouraging and hands down hilarious. Rest in peace. ☮️💜
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I'm hearing that
@JoeBiden
's VP pick will be Stacey Abrams, Kamala Harris, Anita Hill, Amy Klobuchar, Elizabeth Warren, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, or Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
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I want to become a high school history teacher just so I can teach about The Four Seasons Total Landscaping incident.
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Randy Rainbow is my spirit animal. 💜 “Not now Todd.”
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THIS IS THE BEST RANDY RAINBOW YET!
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I’m very shy at parties until I pop out of the cake.
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I've been getting catalogues from old lady stores and I'm really upset. Cause I love some of the tunics.
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